


An Elastic Heart

by Werecakes



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Bad Days, Bets, Bilbo is Kili's dad, Bilbo is an awesome parent, Butler Frerin, Complete, Dis really isn't a good mother, Fili has trust issues, Fili needs a shoulder to lean on, Fluff, Good Days, Kili likes to give the sex, M/M, Master & Servant, Master/Servant, Romance, Secret Past, Tutor Thorin, being strong doesn't mean you have to fight, heirs to cooperations, slow build of friendship, you never know you need someone until they are gone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-02-17 11:53:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 66,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2308769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Werecakes/pseuds/Werecakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All his life Fili had everyone he ever knew leave him, only Kili was a constant. After an event Fili is forced to keep a man servant, his own personal butler. </p><p>Frerin was hired by Dis to keep an eye on her ever growing son. Ever faithful and loyal he takes whatever Fili has to dish out, trying to drive him away. That is until the unthinkable happens and the servant falls for his master.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nothing works, he keeps coming back

Erebor Oil and Shire Petrol, most people had no idea they were a company one in the same. Erebor Oil and bought out Shire Petrol more than twenty years ago. SP was allowed to keep their name due to how more of the “home folk” liked how it sounded and would still buy from that name, loyal to the end. EO was considered more classy, the name plastered all over the big cities of the world. And if anyone knew any better they would see that they practically ran the world. There were only four other oil and gas companies, regions given around the world to these big tycoons.

Shire Petrol was run by the esteemed Bilbo Baggins. It had been in his family since the first founding of the company back in 1745. They had been small, slowly growing over the years. When Erebor Oil bought the company they had a tough time getting any terms they wished to have. Bilbo Baggins was a good businessman. He knew when to sell, when to buy, and he knew when he was being duped. He kept a firm hand on his contract that stated that he got to be on the board of executives, and when his time was up his son, Kili Baggins, would take his place. If, for any reason, Bilbo Baggins was to wish to take back his company he would forfeit half of his assets as penalty which, in the end, could ruin him. But it kept Erebor Oil in line because of a sub clause that stated that the could never vote him or his descendants off of the board, nor could they ever take away all of his assets or money. So, if they wished to sue him for any reason, they couldn’t make him homeless. It gave him peace of mind that his son would inherit the company still. That he would become the businessman that Bilbo always knew he would aspire to be.

Erebor Oil was run by Dis Durin. It had been established in 1872 by her great, great, grandfather who found oil on a neighbor’s land. He had cleverly bought the land from the neighbor before drilling was issued and he became rich. His sly and clever mind was inherited by his descendants, all very smart, all very keen and aware of what others had and how to make it theirs. Thier profits were the highest out of all the companies and the continued to grow. Dis was a hard woman, she did not believe she had time for much of anything but business. When she had gotten married she only spent two nights for a honeymoon, in which she deemed her husband too needy and divorced him. To her dismay she had fallen pregnant and when her son, Fili was born she had hired a butler to care for her son.

Fili grew up with little memory of his mother. He had plenty memories of staff that came and went. Soon as he got comfortable with one his mother would fire them and he was shipped off to another handler, in another mansion and into another boarding school. The only person he knew for longer than a year was his best friend, Kili. The only reason why, that he could guess, was that his mother couldn’t fire Bilbo, thus Kili would be dropped off at Fili’s home whenever there was a meeting that his father needed to attend to.

Fili’s first memory of being hugged was by Kili. His first memory of getting a broken arm was with Kili. His first memory of riding a bike was with Kili.

Kili was the only constant in his life and it made it all the harder for Fili when Kili would have to leave. Fili remembered when he was five he had started to cry over Kili leaving. Kili had hugged him and told him not to worry and kissed him on the lips. Fili didn’t understand the touch. He wasn’t allowed television until he was a teenager and by then it was of little interest in him.

Fili first kiss was with Kili. Fili’s first fuck was with Kili; young hands, clumsy and shaking as they breathed each other’s breath. They were comparing cocks when they started to explore by touching the other’s. Jerking each other off in Fili’s large walk in closet. When they got confused as to what else they could do they looked up things on the internet and for years they practiced it when they had the chance.

Now… now Fili’s whole world was being thrown onto its side.

He narrowed his eyes at the man that was picking up the tray with the empty plates and cups from Fili’s breakfast.

The last person that stayed longer than Kili had been old Thror. A nice man, a gardener. He enjoyed landscaping and showed Fili a lot about plants. He taught Fili how to drive a riding mower, encouraged him to work hard in the heat of the sun. He told jokes and made Fili laugh when before hand he only laughed with Kili. Thror had been fun to be around. Fili actually wanted to know more about him. Found out that he fought in three wars, was much more educated than he let on, and donated a good amount of the money he owned to animal shelters stating, “While humans can fight for their rights, animal’s have no voice. So we have to take care of them.”

But then Thror left.

Now… Now there was this bastard.

Fili tried everything he could think off to chase him off. He tried the typical scare tactic of giving him a demeaning job and saying, “if you don’t do this, I’ll fire you.” Usually dressing the person in skimpy lingerie and making them scrub the walk way during a party with only a toothbrush worked. But this guy only smiled and bore through it. He crawled on the ground on his knees with his ass in the air as he did his job. Party goers had sat on his back like he was a riding horse, smacked his ass, threw food on spots that he already cleaned, spilled drinks on him… but he continued. It wasn’t until well after dawn, the party long over with, that Fili finally barked at him to get the hell off of the ground and get inside.

He had tried being so lazy that he made the man feed him, bathe him, carry him around the mansion, chauffeur him, then carry him into stores and shop for him while carrying him. The man bore through it. Tired and exhausted at the end of the day but if Fili told him to do anything he would take a few breaths and push himself up off of the floor and would go and do what he was told. After a week Fili bored of the treatment.

He had tried to pull pranks on the man, those didn’t work.

He ordered him to start bleaching his dark hair, made him wear contacts so his eyes were green instead of a calm hazel. He dictated what the man wore and what he bathed with. None of it worked!

Finally he had tried his last resort. He had the man stand in the room while he fucked Kili into the mattress. He ordered his servant to watch them as Kili bounced on his cock, sweaty and moaning like a whore. When they had finished, to add insult to injury, he made the servant clean them up.

That had been last night.

Kili was still curled up in bed, sleeping soundly and that blasted servant was still around. Whispering as to not wake Kili.

“I have a breakfast prepared for your guest, when he wakes please tell me so I may bring it up for him.”

Fili frowned as he glared at the insufferable man. Still smiling, still looking at him with an expression he didn’t understand. He hated him.

He didn’t know why his mother insisted that he have the man around. Since when did he need a personal butler? She insisted that he needed someone there for him, so why couldn’t she fucking own up to being a parent and be there instead?

He smacked Kili’s leg as the butler left. “Kili, wake up.”

“Nnno.” Kili rubbed his face into the pillow.

“I said, fucking get up.”

Kili grunted, pushing himself up onto his hands. “Aren’t you a ray of sunshine today. I take it, he’s still here?”

“All smiles and charm.” Fili said bitterly.

Kili flipped onto his back, bouncing. “Oh, that asshole,” he said sarcastically. “Such a fucking prick being a good person.”

“Shut up.” Fili flopped back onto the mattress next to his best friend.

“You’re being an idiot.” Kili flicked Fili’s ear. “You’ve been torturing this guy for how long?”

“I haven’t been torturing him.”

“You’ve been trying to drive him off since Thror-”

“Is there a point to this?”

“We’re 23 Fili, maybe you really should start acting like an adult and not some dog that’s having his territory encroached on.”

“Thanks for that.”

“You are being a bit of a bitch. My ass can atest to that, you really pounded me last night.”

“You weren’t complaining last night.” Fili tucked his hands under his head.

Kili shrugged. It was true. It was a good fuck. It was one of the reasons why he liked Fili, he could have sex with him without the attachment, or some stupid threat later on of “if you break up with me I’ll tell (insert newspaper here).” Best part of being his friend with benifits was just that, they stayed friends. Nothing changed. Fili was still his quiet, standoff, self, and Kili was still the bouncing happy bachelor.

“The idiot has breakfast for you.” Fili untucked a hand to wave his fingers in the air.

“He has a name.”

Fili only grunted in response. Kili kicked at Fili’s legs as he untangled himself from the sheets. He purposely rolled over his best friend making him yelp as he jabbed his elbow into Fili’s chest as he got out of bed.

“You still going to the charity dance?” Kili looked around the room for his discarded clothing.

Fili went quiet.

“Good to know.” Kili slid his pants on, hopping in place as he got the tight material fully over his hips. “Dad was telling me that media isn’t allowed inside this time so you can sneak a date in the back if you want.”

Nothing.

“At least try to bring a date. Even a one night stand. People are starting to wonder if you’ve got a secret honey in your back pocket, or your one of those weirdos that falls in love with computer animated voices.”

Fili rolled his eyes.

“Good talk.” Kili brushed back his hair as he leaned over Fili, placing a kiss on his cheek. “I’ll go bother Frerin before I leave. Cool with you?”

“I really wish you wouldn’t call him by his name.”

“What? Reminds you way too much that he’s human?”

Fili only glared and pulled up his knees.

“Ah, so it’s like that.” Kili sat down on the edge of the bed. He rested his hand on Fili’s arm. “Driving him away isn’t going to help. Your mother will only make you get another. Might as well keep one that respects your space and does his job without asking any more.”

“What would you know?” Fili folded his arms. He hated it when Kili saw right through him.

“Well, I know a little about it because dad had me get one during my teenage years, remember? All the personal butlers I had were nosey, wanted to know everything, questioned everything, barely could follow instructions. Thank god I have Thorin now.”

“Thorin’s your personal tutor for business criteria.”

“True, but the man knows how to be his own person and not be something fake. Plus he doesn’t bother back handing me if I do something stupid.”

“Like the time you wanted to try drag racing.”

“I received three backhands for that, thank you very much. One from Thorin and two from dad.” Kili leaned over Fili, folding his hands on top of his friend and resting his chin on a wrist. “The point is, you should give him a chance. You like Thorin, I know you do. You don’t glare at him like you do everyone else. And if you like grumpy old Thorin I’m certain you’ll like Frerin… besides, you need more friends than me. I mean, I can brighten any soul, I know, but I’m no superman. Just give the guy a chance.”

“Not good enough reasons.”

“Then let’s place a bet.”

Bets, oh how that tugged on Fili’s mind. He couldn’t turn away from a wager, bet, or dare. Kili knew this, the sly bastard.

“I bet, an all expense paid trip for you and someone of your choosing to a private tropical island that you can’t get over yourself and become friends with Frerin in a month… aaand if you lose you’ve got to… hmm…” his smile grew. “You get to be Frerin’s butler for a month.”

“What?!”

“Accept the terms.”

“I-I…” Fuck, he was physically incapable of actually saying no! He groaned and hit his head against his pillow. “Fine.”

“Woo!” Kili bounced up. “I hope you lose so I can poison Frerin’s mind with how to treat you.”

“Aren’t you such a gem.”

“Brighter than a diamond.” Kili shuffled backwards while flinging his arms out wide and giving a bow. “Now I must leave your presents my liege! My body hungers for nutrients.”

Fili sat up and picked up a pillow. He chucked it at his friend who only laughed and ducked out of the way. He slipped out of the room leaving Fili behind, alone and feeling bitterly cold now that the only warmth in his life once again left. Just like everyone else… everyone always leaves him behind.

In the silence of his large room he laid back down, staring into nothing as he slowly blinked.

What was the point of befriending someone when they leave? What was the point of knowing people’s names and faces when it was all so fleeting? No one would remember him. No one ever had. Even Kili had forgotten him at times, calling up and confessing with “Sorry, I forgot” as if that made it okay.

\----------------------

Kili hoisted himself up onto the large counter where the silver tray with his breakfast rested on. He sat next to it and kicked his legs like a child as he stuffed the edge of toast into his mouth. His feet were bare, his shoes currently in the possession of the quiet butler that used a brush to buffer at one. His shirt was hanging on a hanger cooling from the hot press that Frerin had used on it within a blink of an eye.

He was fast. He was efficient. He held a wonderful smile despite what he had to endure last night.

“So, Fili.” Kili smacked his lips as he raised a glass of juice to his lips.

“Yes, sir?” Frerin’s voice was soothing, not deep, not high, not rough or even too gentle… it was strangely neutral.

“Uh…” Kili realized he couldn’t ask the next thing that was in his mind. How is he treating you? Yeah, that would go over real well, Fili just made the man watch them have sex last night. “He’s not too bad of a guy.” He inwardly winced, that was so much worse.

“No, he is not.” Frerin put down the shoe he was working on and picked up the other. His brush working over the toes to knock out the dirt to see if there were any scuffs. “He’s a kind master.”

Kili nearly choked! Kind?! Really?! Fili had been a downright pain in the ass, if it was Kili that was the butler he would have paddled Fili’s ass a while ago then quit.

“You have got to be joking.” Kili put a hand on his thigh and hunched his shoulders, looking at Frerin with his immaculate hair, tied back at the base of his neck. His face shaved, clothing crisp as if he pressed them several times before Kili even woke up. “Fili’s not a bad guy but he’s not exactly the best out there either.”

Frerin smiled as he finished Kili’s shoes. “Master Fili is master Fili, I ask for him to be no one but himself.”

“Seriously?”

“As the spanish inquisition, sir.”

Kili grinned as he hopped down. “No one expects the spanish inquisition.”

“They never do, sir.” Frerin held out his shoes for him.

He reached for them, his fingers brushing against Frerin’s knuckles. He looked into impossibly green eyes. He knew that Frerin had dark hair originally, he could see the roots every once in a while show up only to be immediately bleached, but he had never seen Frerin’s real eye color. The emerald green looked amazing but something about the colored contacts pulled away from the realism of the man in front of him. He squinted and leaned forward, trying to figure out his real eye color. Frerin had such a gentle face, he was certain that he would have eyes that were alight with so much life. A beautiful color that sparkled, like blue or deep brown, something joyful and suiting to him.

“Sir?”

Kili grinned. He gave the butler a quick peck on the lips which only earned him a curious look.

“Dude, you must be asexual.” He took his shoes and sat down.

“I do not believe sexuality should have a place in work, sir.” Frerin went over to fetch Kili’s shirt.

“Yeah but… you didn’t react to anything last night, and not now.” Kili stood up, Frerin held open his button up shirt. He slipped his arm through a sleeve. He paused, “And uh, about last night, I’m sorry you were made to watch that.”

“I do what my master wishes, sir.”

“Could you stop calling me sir and just call me by my name? You’re not my servant and I really don’t like being called sir.”

“As you wish.” Frerin helped Kili put on his shirt fully.

He went to start with buttoning it up but stopped when a bell rung in the large kitchen.

“Please excuse me.”

“Hey, Frerin.”

“Yes?”

“I’m still sorry about last night, but it was pretty hot having you watch.” Kili grinned.

“You are quite the minx, sir-uh, Kili.”

Kili watched Frerin hurry out, his black suit alighting the molten gold that his bleached hair was. He scratched the back of his head as his cheeks puffed out and he let out a long breath. He was pretty sure he made the servant uncomfortable but at what point in time he was not certain. It was probably the mention of sexuality because before hand there was a sort of comfort in the room that was quickly drained afterwards. For Kili, who was a sexual creature, touching, kissing, caressing, it was all like a handshake. Talking about sexual position, normal among his friends. Talking about which way you swung, that was normal too. But something about it did upset Frerin. Maybe he would send him a gift basket or something to say that he was sorry for making him feel uncomfortable.

He rubbed at his face and looked up towards the ceiling, great, now he was thinking like his dad.

 


	2. Can't do this bet!

Fili knew Frerin couldn’t see him. He barely was peeking around the edge of the wall that divided the room. The other servants were talking with the butler so freely, laughing at little jokes or coming in upset only to have the butler try to cheer them up. One maid came in crying, late for her shift because her boyfriend had broken up with her. Everyone else seemed to give her a wide berth while Frerin simply asked her up front what had happened and allowed her time to cry. He was quiet and listened to ramblings while she got ready for work, putting on her uniform and tugging up her hair. It wasn’t a lot to do for someone but it seemed to make a world of difference for the woman.

 

Fili turned away from the entrance and walked away, slapping the newspaper he held into an open palm as he thought. He didn’t like Frerin. That was a given, the guy was just… too nice, always smiling and bouncing back from terrible things as if it was nothing. Fili couldn’t understand it. Why couldn’t he be broken and stay like that? Why did he have to get up and continue on?

 

He hated it. Loathed it, how that damn butler, no matter what he did to change his looks always had that look in his eyes. Always put on that smile that he gave so freely. But to win the bet he had to get to know the bastard… which meant he had to figure out the source reason why he hated Frerin.

 

“Master Fili.”

 

Fili stopped in his mindless walking and turned sharply. His icy glare fixed on that vexatious smile. Frerin, in his black suit, white gloves, held out a silver tray with phone settled on a cream colored, silk napkin.

 

“Your mother is on the line for you, sir.”

 

Fili’s gaze darted down to the phone. The one thing he hated more than Frerin had to be his mother. It wasn’t lost on him how she abandoned her responsibilities as a parent, how she ignored him and tried to not be in his life unless it was business related. Talking with her always made his mouth run dry and his skin itch.

 

“Tell her I shall call her back.” Fili turned sharply and walked away.

 

“She instructed me to make sure you spoke to her, Master Fili.” Frerin followed him. “By her tone it seems important.”

 

“Important?” Fili scoffed a petulant expression on his features. “The only thing important for her is money.”

 

“I don’t think-”

 

Fili whirled on Frerin, teeth bared. Each word that spilled out felt hot on his tongue with poison of abandonment and anger. He moved closer the more heated he got.

 

“What? What do you -think-? Do you think she calls only to talk to me because she actually wants to know how I am doing?! Do you think she calls because she wishes to know what I have done today or if I have eaten well?! She only calls because she’s bought a new company, or she has found some rich whore that she wants to introduce me to in hopes that I’ll give her leverage to buy the woman’s company or get her foot into the company owner’s door!! You tell her, if she wishes to speak with me, then she best get off of her ass and come home for once, because the last time I saw her was when I was ten years ago!!”

 

“I will tell her your wishes, sir.”

 

Frerin’s breath puffed over Fili’s face. His breath held the subtle hints of sweet coffee. Fili leaned back, wondering when he had gotten so close. The butler had moved the tray out of the way, allowing Fili into his personal space, he looked silly, holding the silver tray to the side while holding firm eye contact with his master.

 

Fili stepped back putting space between them. He looked away, taking a moment to breathe. He needed to calm down. He hated talking to his mother, but he shouldn’t run away from it, leave it up to someone else to handle her wrath for having her bratty son not want to talk to her.

 

“No, I… I will talk with her.”

 

When he was taking the phone he glanced up, catching that look once more. It was something he had not seen Frerin give to anyone else. Something about it got under his skin, bristling up his hairs until he was growling.

 

“What?”

 

Frerin’s eyes only softened as he shook his head.

 

“Freak.”

 

Fili jabbed the answer button on the phone and walked away, putting the receiver up to his hear. “Yes, mother?”

 

“I heard from Bilbo that you do not have a date for the charity ball?” Dis’ voice tittered over line.

 

“I am not sure I am even going, mother.”

 

“Oh but you are, and I have this amazing woman I would like you to take. Sigrid is the daughter of-”

 

“I don’t care who she’s the daughter of, mother.” He looked over his shoulder to see if anyone was listening. Frerin had respectively put some more space between him and Fili, giving him privacy while on his call. Fili glanced at his butler, standing beside the wall. The heir’s brows pulled together as he got distracted with how the butler had his eyes closed and his head bobbing from side to side. He pulled the phone from his ear, hearing a light hum fill the air. Fili didn’t know how to take that in. The melody was catchy, but more so… Frerin looked… normal. Like a normal guy, not some object that Fili could kick around until it broke.

 

He cursed under his breath, this only served to make him more agitated. He stuffed a hand under his arm, the newspaper he held crinkling as he bit into the phone, “I’m not your show pony.”

 

Then he hung up. He dropped the phone on the ground, before Frerin could do more than take a step, Fili was taking large strides to get away. He went up to his room where he changed his clothes to something more suiting with going out on the streets. He snatched his cellphone, roughly pressing the number to speed dial Kili as he slipped out the back.

 

“Hellloooo?” Kili’s voice sang knowing who was on the other line from the caller ID.

 

“I can’t do it, you win.”

 

“I win what?” Kili was in his office, Thorin looking at him with a level of irritance that he was certain would crumble kingdoms and all Kili could do was smile and bat his eyelashes innocently.

 

“You win the bet, I can’t- not with that fucker!” Fili was making his way across the spance of the green lawn to the iron gates that framed his luxurious home.

 

“It’s only been a day, Fili.” Kili leaned back in his chair, tapping his pen on his desk. “Knowing you, he probably smiled and you freaked out.”

 

“I did not!”

 

“Ah, you poor baby. Love really does hurt you doesn’t it?”

 

“Lllove?” Fili wrinkled his nose.

 

“You do know the definition of love right? A profoundly tender affection towards another, a feeling of warm personal attachment to another, passion, even sexual attraction.”

 

“I know the definition of love!! There is no love here! Not between him and not between me!”

 

Kili rolled his eyes. “Sure, Fili, and I’m the queen of Sheeba. You ever wonder why he bothers you so much?”

 

“Because the bastard is inhuman.”

 

“It’s because he -is- human and you can’t stand it.”

 

“What the fuck would you know?”

 

“Because- oookay, so he hung up on me.” Kili looked at his phone. He looked at Thorin who was still glaring at him. “I think, personally, he should fuck Frerin and get over it.”

 

“Sex is your answer to everything.” Thorin turned away, back to the board with charts and graphs. “Now recite the Trueman Agreement from 1941.”

 

“Can’t I just give you a BJ and we call it good for today?”

 

Thorin looked up towards the ceiling mumbling a prayer for him to not snap and break a ruler over Kili’s head.

  
  
  


Fili walked until his feet hurt, the melody that Frerin had been humming got stuck in his head making him hum it himself. The sun was warm on his head, the fresh air was welcoming in clearing away his troubled thoughts. He looked up, wishing he could reach up and slip his fingers through that impossibly blue sky. Up there, in the sky, there were not as many troubles. People rarely looked up, if he was up there then less people would poke and prod him. Up there, he would be untouchable and he could be alone… completely alone.

 

He closed his eyes, imagining what it would be like to have no more calls from his mother. No more lessons of how to run a business he didn’t even want. No more expectations, no more being paraded around like some purebred horse, no more complaints, no more people hanging onto his every word waiting for him to say something damning so they could splash it all over their newspaper, no more people following his every step.

 

Only solitude, complete solitude.

 

How he would love that…

 

For now, he was stuck on earth. Stuck on in this filthy town with people that didn’t give two shits for anyone else, all milling about around him like ants. People just like all the servants back in his home that didn’t even care that he left so abruptly without knowing where he went. People like Frerin who pretended to care only because it was in his job description. He looked back over his shoulder towards where his home was, his lips pulled into a deep frown. Quickly he turned away, picking up his feet he continued on. His feet were aching and he was thirsty. He knew of a few bars that he could hang out at until he felt better.

 

He didn’t notice the car that pulled up, nor that it was one of his. His eyes were fixed on the ground as his personal servant nearly fell out of the car as he passed by. He did stop when he heard the familiar voice speaking to the driver.

 

“I will call for pick up later, thank you.”

 

Fili slowed to a stop, the toe of his shoe skidding slowly over the cement of the sidewalk. He didn’t want to turn around. See what was really there. It would certainly dispel if he did.

 

Instead he looked forward, forcing himself to walk. This wasn’t happening. No one comes after him. No one cared enough to.

 

“Sir, Sir!” Frerin’s voice followed him.

 

He shook his head, feeling a tightness in his chest. The cold bite of reality continued to keep its teeth in his heart.

 

Frerin hurried, coming around in front of his master making Fili stop.

 

“Master Fili.”

 

Fili stuffed his hands into his pockets, balling his hands into fists. This wasn’t happening. This stupid, idiot, wasn’t doing this because he cared. He was only doing it because it was his job.

 

“What?” He replied gruffly, clenching his jaw.

 

Frerin’s eyes didn’t smile this time, looking Fili over. Something about that bothered him. The servant stepped to the side, bowing his head slightly. Fili stormed forward, feeling a strange tether linking him to the man that shadowed him. It was unnerving how Frerin’s smile had disappeared like that. How he fell silent.

 

He didn’t think that he could feel more uncomfortable with this guy, now he knew he had been wrong.

 

 


	3. Just take the bet

The only person Fili would pick up for without hesitation was Bilbo Baggins. He was the closest thing he had to family besides Kili. When growing up he let it slip once, “uncle Bill” he had a personal instructor who acted more like a jail warder than a man of education. He had been harshly ridiculed and lectured for that. His mother was told and he was punished for it. Even now, looking back, he didn’t understand what was wrong with calling Bilbo “uncle Bill”. He did it now mostly to piss off his mother, as Bilbo never had a problem with it.

 

Fili sat on the curb of a random alleyway, brick and graffi the only real view point. Standing out like a sore thumb was Frerin, in his black three piece suite and white gloves. His black shoes caught the light of the sun shine as he stood a good distance away, giving Fili his space. He looked exceptionally hot, sweat forming on his brow. Only once in a while he would pull out a handkerchief and dab at his face, this having been his only movement in the two hours that Fili stayed in the little dead end alley. The blond had chosen this place after stopping into a bar for several drinks, he got tired of the stink of bodies and the noise. All he wanted was to be alone, but here he was, still not alone, Frerin waiting like some paragon of patience.

 

When the ringtone set for Bilbo went off Fili quickly answered it.

 

“Hey.” He sighed as he laid back on the dirty cement and started up at the small sliver of blue that came between buildings.

 

“Your mother called me. I’m assuming she tried to get you another date?” Bilbo’s kind voice soothed over Fili’s nerves.

 

Fili nodded.

 

When he realized that Bilbo couldn’t see he mumbled out a, “yes.”

 

“Well, as a parent I understand her concern. I do wish Kili would find a decent girl to settle with, but I do believe that you’re old enough to speak your mind and I wanted to say that I’m glad you did.”

 

“Thanks, uncle Bill.”

 

A silence fell between them. Fili really wasn’t one for talking, all his social interactions were based on looks. How to look fetching to the human eye, and that was it. Opening his mouth always got him into trouble one way or another. Having his own opinion on anything was a fairly new concept that old Thror had put into his head, much to his mother’s dismay.

 

“Kili said you’re in love with your butler.”

 

“WHAT?!” Fili launched himself up straight, the sudden movement made him feel a little dizzy. He rubbed at his brow trying to will the spinning to go away. “What the hell is wrong with him?! No matter how many times I say it, it doesn’t get through his head!!”

 

“Why do you think Thorin has been in my employment for so long?” Bilbo sighed. “The boy has a thick skull, think I dropped him to many times as a baby.”

 

“You don’t even drop eggs Bilbo, you wouldn’t be physically capable of dropping a baby.” Fili grunted. “Kili’s just an idiot.”

 

“But he’s my baby idiot. So what’s really going on with your butler?”

 

“He’s not even my-” He shot Frerin a look, the man was dabbing at his face once more. Fili dropped his voice. “He’s not my butler. He’s a personal servant that mom hired.”

 

“Well, yes, but what is your relationship with him? Is he a friend? Are you getting along with him?”

 

“I -have- no relationship with him.” Fili hissed. “I don’t -want- a relationship with him, friend or not. The guy bugs the hell out of me!”

 

“That’s a shame, it would make the whole servitude for a month go by better.”

 

“What?” He had been saying that a lot lately.

 

“Kili said- hey!” There was a rustling sound followed by Bilbo’s indignant squawking as his phone was hijacked by his son.

 

“No take backs!” Kili suddenly blurted. “You said I win, you have to be Frerin’s servant for a month!”

 

“You little- fuck you!”

 

“What a sweet offer, want me over tomorrow?”

 

Fili felt his eye twitch, he seriously was about to strangle the hell out of Kili. “Kili.” He gave his best warning voice. “You said, yourself, that I had not even tried. So, let- me- try.”

 

“We both know you’re not going to.”

 

“I will prove to you right now that I am trying!” Fili twisted at the waist, he leaned on one hand while shouting at Frerin, “Hey, idiot! What’s your favorite color?!”

 

Frerin’s eyes went wide. His mouth dropped open as he looked to his side wondering if Fili had spotted someone beside him that he did not. When his scan yielded nothing but empty space he stammered out, “I-I don’t really have one, Master Fili.”

 

“Everybody does, just pick at random or something.”

 

“Wow, smooth,” Kili mumbled.

 

“You, shut up.” Fili said into the phone, then back at Frerin. “Pick something.”

 

“I… well I enjoy blues and greens.”

 

“There,” Fili said into the phone. “He likes blues and greens. Happy?”

 

“Not remotely. But fine, you have a week to list to me his favorite kind of music, what he likes to eat, what he likes to do in his free time when you’re not riding his ass into the ground, and what his real eye color is.”

 

Fili frowned in confusion, “His real eye color is hazel. Why the hell do you need to know that?”

 

“Hazel?”

 

“Yeah.” Fili rubbed at his head again. He was feeling too hot from his burst of anger combined with the raising heat of the day. “Kind of green but more on the brown side. Why?”

 

“...strange that you don’t know anything about him but you have his eye color memorized.”

 

“I also have your ball sack memorized, you want to hear about that in detail?”

 

“Oh, yes please.”

 

“Kili…”

 

“Yes?”

 

“You’re sole purpose in life is to make wonder why I’m still alive, isn’t it?”

 

Fili out right hung up on Kili again. Stupid friend, with his stupid bet. If he didn’t like Kili so much he would have dumped him on his ass a long time ago.

 

“Master Fili, may I suggest we find a place to rest outside of this heat?” Frerin called from where he stood.

 

Fili sighed. It was a good idea. He couldn’t deny that, he was starting to get hungry, and thirsty again.

 

“Yeah, fine.” He pushed himself up to his feet. He swayed a little, the dizziness came back making him feel a little nauseated. A gentle hand pressed to his elbow, bringing his attention to his personal servant who had swiftly come over to aid him. There was something in Frerin’s expression that made him shake the man off. “I’m fine. It’s just the heat.”  Though he was certain it was the several beers he had knocked back then coming out into the hot weather.

 

Frerin only nodded. Then he placed it, that look. Frerin had given it to the maid earlier, but not quite the same. Fili squinted at him.

 

Concern.

 

Was Frerin actually, honestly concerned about him?

 

What a preposterous notion... No one cared enough about him to be concerned.

 

 


	4. Only Yourself To Blame

It was during the charity ball that Fili would have to deliver to Kili what was promised. He would have to tell his bastard of a best friend Frerin’s favorite music, food, and what he likes to do on his free time. Fili wasn’t really one for sneaking or beating around the bush. After Frerin got him out of the sun and to his request another bar he drank until he could try to gather to courage to ask the person he hated the most in the world some of the most basic of questions.

 

When he couldn’t get himself drunk enough to ask he let it drop. He wasn’t one to drink to the point he got sick or lost all control.

 

It was several days of avoiding his own servant for as long as possible, trying to wrack his brain as to how to talk to him. What to say and how to word it, that he finally out right asked only an hour before he was to meet Kili and Bilbo at the charity ball.

 

“I have some questions for you.” Fili pulled on the lapels of his sapphire colored waistcoat. He had put this off to the moment like a fool. He felt his cheeks try to heat with embarrassment as Frerin’s green contact eyes met his gaze. As usual the servant waited with a gentle smile on his lips.

 

“I-” Fili cleared his throat, his hands going to adjust his cufflinks that sparkled in the light of the room. “I… would like to know what you will be doing while I am gone tonight.”

 

Frerin tilted his head to the side in confusion, “I thought I was accompanying you, sir.”

 

“Yes, I meant, after, when you get home.”

 

“Prepare for work for tomorrow.”

 

“No I- Ah!” Fili wanted to throw his hands up in the air, but he had a bet to win. “I’m trying to ask what you do with your free time, you moron!”

 

“In my free time I usually read, some times I craft items, I attend a festival if time permits.”

 

“Festival… what kind of festival?”

 

Frerin’s little finger twitched, his shoulders straightening just a little. “I would rather not say, sir.”

 

Fili paused. Was… was Frerin uncomfortable? Has Frerin ever looked uncomfortable around him before? Thinking back he… hadn’t. He always took things in stride and seemed rather open so why would this affect him?

 

“Okay…”

 

“The other questions?” Frerin inquired politely.

 

“Other questions?”

 

“You had said you have a few questions, sir. May I ask what your other questions are?”

 

“Uh, yeah.” Why was this unnerving Fili?

 

“Kili wanted to know what your favorite food was.” That felt better, felt less personal to say.

 

“I enjoy fruit and meats.”

 

“Any specific kind?”

 

Frerin took Fili’s black jacket that accented his sapphire waistcoat and silver tie. He held it up for his master to slip into. “I enjoy stone fruit the most and red meat, sir. Though I’m not sure how this will aid Master Kili in any way.”

 

“He’s Kili. He’s nosey about everything.” He closed his eyes, suppressing the urge to swallow as he allowed Frerin to gently run his gloved hands over him, smoothing out any crease, removing any stray hair that may show up.

 

“Master Kili does he enjoy his trait of curiosity.”

 

“Yeah… he also wanted to know what kind of music you like.”

 

Frerin’s hands stilled for a few seconds before he continued. “I suppose I enjoy complicated compositions that are unique in their application.”

 

Fili let this tick for a few seconds before his eyes flickered open. He turned to his butler with his mouth open.

 

“You like soundtracks?”

 

The servant wouldn’t look him in the eye. Busying himself with looking Fili’s suit over to make sure it laid perfectly.

 

“You do- you-” Fili felt his lips tug into a smile. “You’re a movie goer? Are those the festivals you go to? Film Festivals.”

 

Frerin looked his master dead in the eye. “That, I can safely answer, no, to.”

 

Fili’s mouth dropped open, “Oh my god, you’re a nerd.”

 

“No.”

 

“If it’s not movies then it’s video games and you go to cons?”

 

“I do not go to cons.”

 

Fili smiled a little more. “But you do play video games.”

 

Why did this feel like good news? A little voice whispered into his ear telling him that it was because it made Frerin more likeable. It made him normal in a way that he could understand. It wasn’t a lot but it was enough to… to what? To like? To relate to?

 

“It is good to see you smile, sir.” Frerin commented softly making Fili feel the jolt of reality smash into him. It ripped him out of whatever realm he had been in that made him lose control. No one was supposed to see him smile beyond the cameras. He wasn’t supposed to peek over his walls and hope for anything beyond being a toy for his mother to play with.

 

Frerin pulled back the sleeve of his suit looking at his small watch. He stepped to the side,  holding up a hand. “The car should be waiting for you, sir.”

 

Fili caught Frerin’s gaze, he held it perhaps a little too long. His stomach flipped as almond shaped eyes blinked and for a moment he wished it was the color of hazel looking at him and not artificial green. He swiftly left the room feeling a strange sort of shame in his belly. He had almost slipped, almost allowed Frerin to see what he shouldn’t have.

 

When he got to the car he didn’t look at Frerin when he spat out a strict, “Don’t come” as he slipped into the car. The door was shut behind him, he looked coldly at his butler who stood back looking at him with another strange look. His brows drawn together and up, his eyes searching as if he was unsure of what to do.

 

He heard a muffled, “A-as you wish, Master Fili.”

 

That night Fili had his hands full with trying to deal with the fact that the woman that his mother wanted to bring, Sigrid Laketown, was waiting for him. He smiled to the cameras, let her hold onto his arm as he felt the violent twisting of his stomach. That look, what was with that look?!

 

Soon as he was inside the building and the flash bulbs stopped causing stars to burst in his vision he brushed Sigrid off, intent on finding Kili. Sigrid followed, trying to talk to him, trying to make this sound like it was a real date. He whirled on the woman hissing out.

 

“Listen good and well, I don’t know you and you don’t know me so in here we go our separate ways and if keep following me I will make sure you have one hell of a miserable night.”

 

“No need to be rude.” She snuffed.

 

“Rude is assuming this date was happening through a third party!” Fili yelled. “Just because my mother wants to get into bed with your company doesn’t mean I want anything to do with you, you-”

 

“I am so sorry,” Kili’s hand slapped against Fili’s chest, he pushed his friend back. “He has trouble with his blood sugar and he gets temperamental when he does not eat regularly.” Kili pushed Fili harder. “Come on, Fili, lets go get you something to eat so you can cool your head.”

 

“I don’t have a fucking blood sugar problem.” Fili growled under his breath.

 

“But you do have a temper problem and it’s kind of exploding right now.” Kili wrapped an arm around Fili’s shoulder to guide him. “Usually you can keep it together, what’s gotten into you?”

 

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

 

“You’re not fine. And if you won’t tell me then Frerin might know.” Kili looked up and craned his neck trying to see over the sea of party goers. Men in dark suits and women in brightly colored dresses all blending into look like a flowers in a rock garden. “Where’s Frerin?”

 

“He stayed behind.”

 

“Stayed be-” Kili pulled away from Fili, his hand lingering on Fili’s elbow. “Is he okay?”

 

“He’s fine.”

 

“Then why isn’t he here? He’s always with you. I never see you without him,” He lowered his voice. “Our last fuck kind of proved that.”

 

“I told him to stay home.”

 

“Why would you-”

 

“Fuck, Kili, enough, okay?” Fili shook his arm free from his friend. “I just want to have a good time for once, without him. That okay with you?”

 

“Y-yeah, buddy. I’m okay with it.”

 

“Where the hell is the bar? I need a drink.”

 

The night blended from one glass to the other. Frerin’s broken and lost expression stayed with him, burned behind his eyelids. He rubbed at his face after downing his fifth shot of bourbon. He had over five overly priced beers and two shots of their hardest liquor. It wasn’t the amount that he was drinking that worried Kili, it was how quickly he was drinking them. In a few minutes it was going to slam into him and he was going to be a drunken mess. He tried to keep his father out of it but Fili was stubborn and wouldn’t listen until he did.

 

He tried pulling Bilbo away from the dignitaries he was speaking with only to fail. His father too engrossed in the conversation to pay him much heed even when he said it was about Fili. He looked around for any other face he could recognize only to see nothing but strangers or people that he knew would not help.

 

Defeated he went back to the bar to find Fili gone.

 

“Where did he go?”

 

“Who go?” The bartender asked.

 

“The blond with blue vest, silver tie.”

 

“Oh, he bought a few bottles and said he was going out for some air.”

 

“Oh christ,” Kili hurried through the crowd.

 

He pushed past people apologizing the whole way until he broke free. He had to go through a few servant’s entrances in order to get into the night air behind the manor that the ball was being held. The glow of the spot lights out front crept along the grass and rocks. The milling of the press and people coming and going was loud enough to be heard even this far away even though security kept the press from coming closer than ten feet from the entrance of the building, sectioning off the rest of the land for the rich patron’s privacy.

 

He breathed a breath of relief when he saw Fili sitting on some of the back steps tipping a beer bottle back, downing it with long pulls from his lips.

 

“There you are.” Kili huffed, his arms swinging from side to side as he came closer to his friend. He flopped down on the stone step beside Fili. “You had me worried.”

 

“No I didn’t.” Fili bit out.

 

“Yeah, you did.” Kili elbowed him. “What’s the big idea with running off like that?”

 

“I didn’t run off. You just took too long and I needed to sit down… away from all those fakers.”

 

“Fakers?”

 

“Fake people, fake faces, fake everything.” Fili leaned his head back, drinking more from his bottle. He released a loud sound after swallowing, “Fake like my mother.” He stood up and tossed his bottle, the glass shattering against the brick wall of the building. Kili ducked, throwing his arms over his head as beer frothed and splattered on him.

 

“Fuck!” Kili quickling got up and to the side.

 

Fili grabbed another bottle from the six pack he had bought from the bartender.

 

“Fake like that bitch I’m supposed to be dating!” Fili threw another bottle, this time it was full and unopened. The popping sound was loud causing Kili to flinch again.

 

“Fili!!”

 

“Fake like you.” He threw another one. His eyes stinging, his throat clutching his breath in.

 

“Fake like me!” He chucked another one.

 

“Fili, enough!!”

 

“All for what?!” Fili turned to Kili holding his arms out. “For money? For doing what we want?!”

 

“What are you talking about?!”

 

“What if I want to say something but I can’t? Huh, Kili? What- what if I want to say it but I can’t?!”

 

Kili shook his head, confused by his best friend’s drunken behavior. “Fili, what the fuck happened before you came?” Kili stepped up to Fili, getting into his personal space. “I’m serious. Tell me.”

 

Instead of telling Fili grabbed Kili around the waist. He yanked him forward, sealing their lips together in a heated kiss. His tongue dove into his friend’s mouth, lapping against the slick muscle that tried to evade him. Kili pushed at Fili’s chest as hard as he could, shoving him away. He wiped at his lips, spitting on the ground trying to get rid of the heavy taste of alcohol.

 

“What’s wrong with you?”

 

“See, fake.” Fili hissed out. He held out a hand, motioning to Kili. His eyes glimmered with unshed tears. “Me, you, what we have between us…” He took a deep breath, hot tears falling free as he slapped his hand down against his leg. He looked up as if only the sky could help him. He shook his head slowly, biting his bottom lip. “...fake.”

 

“What’s between us isn’t fake, Fili.” Kili reached out to take hold of Fili’s hand only to have the blond pull his hand away and up showing he didn’t want to be touched. “Fili, please. Just tell me what’s wrong. I care about you.”

 

Fili shook his head, keeping his lips sealed shut.

 

“Fine.” Kili moved forward digging his hand into Fili’s pocket, fishing out his cell. Glad that Fili at least would allow him to do that. “Then I’m going to get you home at least.”

 

He flipped through the phone looking for something in particular and dialed a number. After a long wait he finally got an answer.

 

“He-”

 

Kili cut off the greeting, “Don’t ask, just come here, now. Fili and I are out back, he’s… he’s pretty messed up and I don’t want the press to see him like this.”

 

He hung up while Fili rubbed at his eyes.

 

“Tomorrow, hang over or not, I’m coming over and you’re going to answer some questions.” Kili stuffed the phone back into Fili’s pocket. He dragged his hand from Fili’s pocket up his side. He looked into blue eyes. “But for now, you need to have it in your drunk skull that what we have isn’t fake, Fili. You’re my best friend and even if I have to kick your ass around a little bit, I’m going to make sure it stays that way.” He pulled the blond into a hug, holding him close.

 

Kili wasn’t one to pretend to know what was going on, all he could guess was that it had to deal with Frerin. He would take the butler to the side and talk to him, get his side of the story before he talked to Fili. Cracking Fili open was hard, he never gave anything up willingly not even when drunk. For now, the blond needed to know that Kili did care. He loved Fili, like a brother and he wasn’t going to let that go.

 

It wasn’t until Fili started to lean heavily on Kili that the brunet decided it would probably be best for them to sit while they waited for Fili’s ride to show up. He helped him sit down, rubbing his back.

 

“It’ll be okay, Fili. Whatever is bothering you now, it’ll seem stupid tomorrow. You’ll see.”

 

“Sure.” Fili felt his head spin and his vision began to swim.

 

His body felt unusually heavy as the alcohol took effect. He blinked once, twice. He leaned against Kili. Blinked once, twice. He was being pulled up onto his feet, gently maneuvered into a car. He laid down in the back seat, his head pillowed on a lap. It was a good lap. He sighed and kept his eyes closed, a hand coming to rest over his jaw and part of his ear. It felt comforting. He started talking, maybe to Kili, or whoever he had his head in their lap. He wanted them to make sure they wouldn’t get Frerin. He didn’t need to see Frerin right then. But his mouth wouldn’t work right all he could get out were garbled mumbles.

 

“Shh, just sleep...”

 

It seemed sound advice.

 

Fili blinked several times looking down at his glass. How did he get here? That’s right, he was still at the party.

 

“I didn’t order a scotch, I wanted-I wanted bourbon.”

 

“It’s neither, sir, it’s tea.”

 

Fili looked up and around, when did the party look so much like an average house?  He swallowed around a thick lump in his throat and rubbed at his head. He had to gather his thoughts. He needed to remember. Getting drunk, put in a car by two people, one was Kili… Kili stayed behind… And Frerin pulled him through the iron gates of Fili’s property, bringing him into the small house that was on the land that the butler lived.

 

“Drink your tea, Master Fili.”

 

There was a gentle touch to his back, rubbed softly in comforting circles. He closed his eyes, breathing slowly as he allowed himself to enjoy it. The last person to touch him like that was… He felt his eyes burn, he blinked them open and sniffled. He picked up his glass and attempted to drank down the whole cup.

 

“Easy now. You already threw up twice, we want to calm down your stomach and get you rehydrated.” A hand came into view, taking hold of his cup and lowering it before he could make himself sick. The voice speaking into his ear was sweet, kind, and he had no idea why. No one was ever this kind to him except for… for…

 

Fili pressed the back of his hand against his mouth, the alcohol threatening for hidden words to spill from his mouth. He didn’t want to say it, none of it.

 

Green eyes and molten gold hair came into view. He tried to look away from them. He didn’t like them, they were fake. Fake like everything in his life.

 

“Master Fili-”

 

“Take them out.”

 

“What?”

 

“The green,” he flicked a finger between his eyes to show what he meant as the hold of alcohol started to very slowly release enough for some thought.

 

There was a hesitation but Frerin got up, he took something from the counter and it was the first time that Fili realized he was sitting in a kitchen. He picked back up his cup and drank from it. He paused seeing Frerin dressed in a plain white t-shirt and gray sweat pants. His long hair was messily tied back. He didn’t like the hair either.

 

“Shave it.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Your hair, shave it.”

 

Frerin frowned. “Master Fili,” He took a breath, firmly pressing his lips together. “Are you… certain you wish this?”

 

“You’re not blond and you don’t have green eyes… so yes. Take them out and shave your head!” Fili’s grip on the mug tightened. “Or are you fake like everything else?”

 

“Fake?”

 

That look. That accused look that he wasn’t sure was concern or pity!

 

“Don’t look at me like that!” Fili threw the cup. Frerin threw up his hands a little too late, the cup hitting his ear so hard that it cracked. When it fell to the ground it broke.

 

Fili’s eyes grew wide, he just… he had just…

 

He pushed back the chair, his mind sobering significantly from his brutish action. He didn’t mean to hurt him.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Frerin.” Fili stepped on broken porcelain, his drunken body not feeling the small bits biting into his soles. “Are you okay?”

 

“No!” Frerin touched his bleeding ear, the sting of his finger touching the wounded shell made him pull his fingers back to look at the red coloring them.

 

“I’m so sorry. I-”

 

“Why would you do that?” The butler looked so betrayed, confused, and… that same look as before, when Fili got into the car earlier that night… hurt. He was hurt.

 

Fili grabbed a dry dish cloth that was on the counter and got it wet in the sink. He dabbed it against Frerin’s ear. The butler rather viciously grabbed the cloth from Fili’s hand. He got onto his hands and knees and quietly started to clean up the broken mess.

 

“Frerin. I-”

 

“Save it. You’re drunk.” Frerin’s voice broke. He grabbed Fili’s ankle, “Lift up your foot.”

 

Fili quietly did as he was told, letting his butler pull out the shards that did not dig in too deep. His foot was wiped with the cloth before all the broken pieces of the mug were picked up and thrown into a trash.

 

“I think it’s best that you get some sleep.” Frerin pointed to a door down a short hallway that lead into the kitchen. “The left door.”

 

Fili looked at his butler who only glared at him. He ducked his head down and went to the bedroom. He laid on the soft bed that smelled of subtle soaps and Frerin’s natural musk. He buried his face into a pillow and despite his mind wanting to stay away his body pulled him quickly into slumber. That night, he would have a dream of someone sitting at a table, weeping softly in a dark room.

 

 


	5. The Next Day

Kili came with Bilbo, he wanted the gentle back up of his father. He even brought Thorin with them so that Frerin would have a reason not to be beside his master. The plan was to have Thorin find some excuse to usher the butler away so that Kili and Bilbo could corner Fili and find out what had happened last night. In all the years of knowing Fili, Kili had never known him to lose himself in drink to such a degree nor the amount of violence he displayed with throwing the beer bottles. He had been reluctant to let Frerin take him home alone and he hoped it was the right decision. Whatever made Fili twist himself in such an ugly way it had to be big but when he got to the iron gates of the estate he found them closed.  The three of them got out of the car and Kili rang the buzzer waiting for a reply. He stood for a minute before pressing it again. Another minute passed before he started jabbing it repeatedly.

 

“I can do this all day Fili!!” Kili shouted as if his voice could reach the manor on top of the gentle sloping hill.

 

“For goodness sakes, no you can’t.” Bilbo batted Kili’s hand away from the buzzer. “This is how you do it.”  He folded his arms and leaned against the buzzer, muffling the sound that was now going at a constant.

 

Kili’s eyebrows shot up. “Seriously?”

 

Bilbo smiled, “How else do you think I get Dis to pay attention to me?”

 

“I see that being annoying is genetic.” Thorin rolled his eyes.

 

“If we’re so bad you could tottle on.” Bilbo’s playful smile didn’t leave his face.

 

“I’m afraid that if I leave your service than the two of you will manage to get yourself into an irreversible damning situation.”

 

“Aww, you care about us.” Kili wrapped an arm around Thorin’s shoulders. “That’s so touching.”

 

“Damn, Fili either has the patience of a saint or he’s not home.” Bilbo scratched at his jaw. “Usually I have Dis out by now screaming at me that I was interrupting her.”

 

“Like he’ll get out of this that easily.” Kili slapped Thorin’s butt, grabbing a good handful. “Time to put you to work!”

 

Thorin sighed, used to Kili’s obsession with his ass. A day didn’t go by that Kili didn’t slap, grab, rub, pat, or just stare at it. He eventually got so used to it that it didn’t bother him. If he was busy with accounts and helping Bilbo he would simply say, “congratulations, Kili, you have once again found my butt with both of your hands” which seemed to only delight Bilbo because he would laugh if he was in the room. Kili on the other hand, it seemed to bother him a little bit when he did that and Thorin found that he enjoyed that. Usually it was he who was annoyed into a bitter mood and he liked turning the tables every once in a while.

 

Thorin went to the black iron gate and pressed his back against it. He spread his legs and crouched, lacing his fingers together ready to receive a good weight. Kili put his hands on Thorin’s shoulders. He placed his left foot into his tutor’s hands, with a count of three Thorin lifted and Kili scrambled up the rest of the way, climbing over the top and shimmying down the otherside.

 

“I’ll go find Frerin and have him open the gates.” Kili gave a little flick of a salute as he started to jog off. “Don’t ravish my father while I’m gone, Thorin.”

 

Thorin rubbed at his eyes as Bilbo snickered.

 

“How does he think? Where did you go wrong?” Thorin looked over to the millionare that employed him.

 

Bilbo shrugged. “I think he came out fine.”

 

\-----------------------------

 

Fili looked at the man across from him. In his hands was a tall cup of electrolytes that he had been nursing for the past hour. His hangover was going away after the second cup of the strange tasting concoction that Frerin knew how to mix by heart. The rehydration of his body did wonders to combat the hangover and now he was debating if he should eat the plate of food in front of him. It wasn’t prettied up like he usually had, it wasn’t anything spectacular or exotic. It was simple; eggs, sausage, and a puff pastry that was covered with cheese and he wasn’t sure exactly what it was called.

 

It wasn’t that he was hungry, it was the fact that he felt to ashamed to take the food offered to him. He had spent the time from waking up and seeing his butler bald and a bandage taped over his ear trying to remember what had happened last night. When memories slowly came back he slipped into a sorrowful shame that blocked out the throb in his foot. He never liked lashing out, never liked causing pain. He still had things he had done when he was a child that haunted him with regret, and now he had another.

 

“You should eat.” Frerin’s voice broke the silence before trailing off. “The, uh, nun puffs are pretty good but I’m… I’m not… much of a cook.”

 

Fili’s tongue slowly pushed out over his lips, wetting them. Since he woke up Frerin wouldn’t look at him. He acted awkward and had not addressed him formally. The blond had been quiet since he came out of the strange room he had woken up in, hearing that catchy melody that he had heard Frerin humming a while back. It was being played over a phone that was placed next to his servant that looked so different that he couldn’t identify him at first and he was so shocked by the dramatic change that he had not spoke a word.  Now that he remembered ordering Frerin to not wear colored contacts, ordered him to shave his head because he was drunk, because he wanted one thing that wasn’t fake in his life, he also remembered the look of betrayal and hurt.

 

“I’m sorry.” Fili managed to say. His fingers twitched as he watched Frerin say nothing and left his own plate untouched.

 

Before he knew it, he reached over and grabbed a hold of Frerin’s wrist. The action was forward, startling to both him and his personal servant. Those calming hazel eyes looked at him and he felt some of the tightness in his chest ease.

 

“I’m sorry.” He repeated.

 

“For what?” Frerin wasn’t sure if he should remove his hand from reach or not.

 

“For hurting you. I-” Fili took in a deep breath. Frerin would leave after this, he would make sure of it. Make sure he wouldn’t hurt the only thing that wasn’t fake in the world. He pulled his hand away, the warmth from Frerin’s skin tingled on his finger tips. “I didn’t want to hurt you but you… get under my skin.”

 

What kind of excuse was that?

 

“I get under your skin? How?”

 

“I hate you.” Fili swallowed, seeing that hurt look once more and something else. Disappointment. Why did that hurt? “I hate you so much.”

 

“Why?”

 

Fili licked his lips again. “I don’t know. But… I want you to pack your things and leave.”

 

“What?”

 

“I don’t want you here any more. I have tried to chase you off-”

 

“Why?”

 

Fili’s temper started to raise. Why couldn’t Frerin just take this with the amount of grace he usually had and just leave?! “Because I’m not good to be around, you idiot!”

 

“You’re fine to be around!”

 

“How do you figure that?!” Fili hit the table making the silverware rattle. “I just broke a cup against your head last night!”

 

“Because you’re sorry!”

 

“Sorry doesn’t fix anything! You’re fired, Frerin! Just leave!”

 

“I’m not leaving!”

 

Fili stood up, teeth bared as he snarled. “Why won’t you just leave like everyone else?!”

 

Frerin matched him, not willing to be cowed any more. “Because we have something in common!”

 

“What?! What could we possibly have in common?!”

 

“Both of our lives were shattered after Grandpa died!!” Frerin barked out. His eyes becoming shiny from unshed tears, the calm color darkening with untold memories. He swallowed, backing down, turning away. He said too much.

 

“Grandpa?” Fili took a moment, feeling his temper ebb. “Thror was your… he was -your- grandfather?” Images of an old man with a big white beard flashed over Fili’s mind. A boisterous laugh and twinkling blue eyes.

  
  


“Doesn’t matter.” Frerin walked off.

 

Blue eyes watched him disappear into the room that Fili stayed in last night. His limbs shook, something in his head screamed. He had to force himself forward, around the table and to the room. A cold hand gripped his heart. Why was this scaring him? Why did he fear to see Frerin bent over a bag and stuffing it with clothing? He would be doing only what he was told to do. And that was what Fili wanted… wasn’t it? But when he got to the doorway all he saw was Frerin sitting on the edge of the bed that Fili left messy. The man sniffled and rubbed at an eye.

 

As if sensing Fili was there Frerin spoke softly. “Now that I’m fired I guess I can speak my mind right?”

 

There was a silence that was his answer. Fili balled his hands into fists not wanting to hear what was to come, but he had to. He owed him that much after hurting him and now making him cry.

 

“I really am stupid, you know.” Frerin’s fingers fidgeted. “I knew that you didn’t like me from the beginning. With what you had me do and I stuck in there because I thought, ‘if Grandpa liked him, then there had to be a reason’. I didn’t say anything as you insulted me, demeaned me, treated me like I wasn’t human. All because I saw this broken man, raised to be in shattered pieces and despite all of it I would look at you, fighting alone and keeping your ground, even progressing.” He gave a bitter laugh. “Every day being used like a tool by your mother, finding what relief you can get with sex with a friend because it was the only comfort you knew. Always having a mask and never letting go of that control because you don’t want anyone to see how broken you are. You don’t know anything about human interaction beyond tabloids and media personas and it’s so bad that you don’t see me look at you every day with admiration. The crazy thing is, I can’t… I can’t stop admiring you. You may treat me like dirt but...you try...”

 

Frerin sniffled and scrubbed his hands over his face. He released a breath into his palms.

 

Fili felt a sound come up his throat. He swallowed it back down as the beast of reality ripped into his heart with its cold teeth.

 

Admiration… every day, that look that vexed Fili to no end, that made him so angry was one of the things he wanted all his life; respect. He threw it back into Frerin’s face. Ran away from it with anger and confusion, lashing out like a child.

 

Frerin ran his hands over his bald head, fingers groping as if to thread through hair. He breathed out a long breath.

 

“But what’s worse is that I was fine with it, thought, ‘this isn’t so bad’. Then last night you started to ask me questions and I got scared. Then you smiled.” Frerin put down his hands looking over at Fili, that look of admiration still there. “And if I had to take a cup to the head, every day, to get you to smile… to be called idiot, stupid, moron… keep my head shaved, walk around in a speedo or run behind your car to keep up… It’s worth it...” He looked around the room then settled on Fili’s stiff form. “And now that I think about it… even after all this crap I’m spewing out… honestly, I’m employed by your mother so I think I’ll stick around.”

 

“Why?” It blurted out of Fili’s mouth before he could think. His heart hurt, his head was starting to throb as he felt something wet trail down his cheeks, he blinked several times before he realized he was crying. But the damn broke and everything was pouring out. He stepped into the room, grabbed Frerin’s arm and pulled him up. “I have treated you like shit for over a year! I’ve made you clean up after parties that left vomit in pools. I’ve left you behind in shops, made you change your looks so you didn’t even look like yourself any more! I made you eat disgusting things, drink things ten times worse, forced you to carry me even bathe me! I’ve been a monster to you and I’ve fired you and you make an excuse over who holds your employment contract to stay!! Why?!”

 

Those perfectly honest eyes pierced into him, words he never thought he would ever hear pulled at the cold teeth of the beast eating his heart, loosening the hold.

 

“Because you’re worth staying with.”  

 

After the words left Frerin’s lips something hung in the air. Something was left unsaid as their eyes searched each other, trying to will the other to give some sort of secret.

 

There was one heartbeat, two… three. His grip loosened on Frerin’s arm, the butler dressed in a simple t-shirt and jeans at that moment looked more regal than any portrait of outstanding people in history that Fili knew. Honest, open, loyal, and true, that was what Frerin was and he never hid any of it. He was the one thing that wasn’t fake and refused to be. He was everything that Fili didn’t know, everything he feared because it was all foreign.

 

“You may hate me, all you want. But I’m going to be here, with you for as long as I can because I don’t want to miss that moment when you pull yourself together, and fix yourself into the most grand thing-mph!!”

 

Fili crashed his lips up against Frerin’s. His tongue shot into the warm cavern of flesh, lapping in need to express himself in a positive way. It was the only way he knew how, learned from caressing Kili’s body, tenderly taking his time to explore and press the buttons that he knew made his best friend rock hard. He needed to show that this meant something to him. That all this time of hating Frerin, of torturing him and trying to push him away was his own fears taking the wheel and driving him right off the cliff. He needed to tell him that someone actually wanting to stay beside him, that wouldn’t run away, that wouldn’t leave him behind was really all he wanted. Money, respect, status, all of it didn’t matter as long as he had that one person that was loyal and wouldn’t leave.

 

He pushed Frerin back, dropping his butler onto the bed, not willing to separate their mouths. He grabbed hold of Frerin’s wrists in a loose grip, fingers ghosting over the heel of Frerin’s palms as he drank the small sounds that came out of the man under him. Fili felt a shiver run down his spine, when the tips of Frerin’s fingers brushed against his own in a sign that he wanted to touch back. His skin alighted with tingling pleasure when Frerin’s knee came up along the side of his hip allowing Fili to fit better between his legs.

 

Fili’s head was spinning, their slick tongues pushing at each other. He raked his fingers down Frerin’s forearms leaving behind the excited flesh of goose bumps. Frerin moved a hand, bringing it up to tangle into Fili’s soft hair. Fili broke the kiss, his panting breath mingling with Frerin’s as he shivered. He closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of having those fingers brush over his scalp.

 

This distinctly felt different from being with Kili. While Kili pulled with excitement, wanting Fili to move faster and harder, to feed his carnal needs, Frerin was hesitant, gentle… shy. He opened his eyes to look at the hazel gazing up at him. ...yes, shy. Frerin’s cheeks were already blushing, his tongue flicking out to nervously taste the remnants of Fili’s kiss.

 

It was… Fili’s thoughts didn’t finish, there was a loud knock that startled them followed by several quick doorbell rings. Their hearts leapt into their throats as if caught doing something they were not supposed to be. Fili scrambled up and away as Frerin flung himself up to his feet. They looked at each other awkwardly, the spell of the moment broken.

 

What were they doing?

 

The doorbell rung obnoxiously, now accompanied with banging on the front door.

 

“I should-” Frerin pointed out of the room as he slowly started to move.

 

“Y-yeah,” Fili cleared his throat. Taking a moment before following. “You should. I’ll… I’ll uh…”

 

“Eat.”

 

“Right, haven’t… had breakfast yet.”

 

“FFFFFRRRREEEEERRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNN!!!!!” Kili’s voice yowled out as he pounded on the door with one hand and repeatedly rung the doorbell with the other.

 

“Oh god, Kili.” Fili felt the flustered blush drain from his cheeks.

 

“Don’t worry,” Frerin passed by the table. “Just sit down and eat.”

 

Kili wailed out, “If you don’t answer I’m breaking in and going through all your stuff!!”

 

“But Kili will-” Before he could say anything else Frerin was already at the front door. He easily opened it making Fili lower himself into his seat with the ridged edge of despair.

 

“There you- holy shit what happened to your HEAD?!” Kili gaped.

 

Frerin simply smiled, “Good morning, Master Kili.”

 

“What the- what happened?” Kili’s hands instantly came up grabbing at Frerin’s head, his palm pressing against Frerin’s ear.

 

“Ssst! Please, Master Kili, be gentle.”

 

“Why is your ear bandaged?”

 

“I had an accident last night while caring for Master Fili.”

 

“And that caused you to shave your head like you’re going into MM fights and have your ear bitten of?” Kili was already pulling at the bandage tape trying to get a look.

 

Frerin hand to swat him away with rapid flails of his hands as he backed away. “I did no such thing and if you would please stop-”

 

“Does Fili know you’re going into underground fights?!”

 

“I’m not going into underground fights, sir!”

 

“It’s not worth it!!”

 

Frerin sighed catching up finally to Kili’s continuing joke that he formed from his own worry. Instead of correcting him he simply went along with it. “No, he is unaware that I am part of an underground fighting ring and that I have my own network of prostitutes that service my fellow fighters. And I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t tell him what I have to do with the bodies of the men and women that get themselves in too deep.”

 

Kili barked out a laugh. “Seems like your egg head isn’t broken after all. But seriously, what happened? Why aren’t you in the Manor like you usually are?”

 

“I simply kept Master Fili here last night as to not create any speculations with his intoxicated condition. The maids enjoy their gossip and the other servants are no better. Though, I am ashamed to say that I have not had the time to clean my suit.” Frerin’s eyes sought out Fili from where he stood. Fili sat at the kitchen table, a clear view to Frerin and Kili. His gaze dropped away. “I honestly never wanted him to see me in such a decrepit state, as I am now.”

 

For the first time Kili realized that Fili was in plain view. His black jacket was hung up by the door on the coat rack, with his tie. His white button up shirt was open at the collar. His sapphire waistcoat was rumpled.

 

“There you are!” Kili pushed into the house, with his long legged stride he came up to Fili. Easily leaned over and kissed him on the lips. He grabbed one of the chairs at the table and pulled it over, taking a seat. “How are you feeling?”

 

“I, I’m doing okay.”

 

“No hangover?”

 

“I had one.”

 

“It’s barely past nine, it should still be raging.” Kili put his hand on Fili’s leg, rubbing gently.

 

Fili shifted trying to get Kili’s hand off of him. It felt a little too uncomfortable to have Kili do his usual groping when he had been kissing Frerin only a minute ago. “Apparently, Frerin knows a few tricks.”

 

Kili blinked. “What?”

 

“He knows how to make this drink that has electrolytes and it’s good to have to rehydrate you because, apparently most of the pain is due to dehydration.”

 

“Not that, you said Frerin’s name. Not stupid, moron, or idiot.”

 

Fili swallowed, great, now Kili will think the wrong thing.

 

“Did you bang him last night before the party? Is that why you were so upset?”

 

“Excuse me?!” Frerin yelped.

 

Kili ignored him as he scooted closer to Fili who wasn’t saying anything. “Oh my god, you did! You guys pounded the mattress!! How was it? How was he? Tell me everything!”

 

“For the love of god, Kili we didn’t do anything last night.” Fili rubbed at his head. Why did Kili’s mind always have to fall to sex first? “And nothing happened this morning either, before you even assume that!”

 

“What a disappointment.” Kili leaned back. “But something happened last night to get you all fucked in the head, so what was it?”

 

“Master Kili, I don’t believe that now is the time to ask such questions. Master Fili has had a rough time and still needs to eat.”

 

“So do you but you don’t find me complaining about your skinny ass.” Kili grinned.

 

“I’m not skinny-”

“He’s not skinny-”

 

Frerin and Fili said at the same time.

 

Kili’s eyes went sly, his grin mimicking the cheshire cat. “You sure you two aren’t banging?”

 

“Okay, enough!” Fili got up to his feet. “I need to get home.”

 

“I will call a car for you, sir.”

 

“No, I-I rather walk.”

 

“Car? Shit! I forgot. Dad and Thorin are out front waiting for me to get Frerin to open the front gate but your manor is kind of down to a skeleton crew and none of them seem to know how to open the gates and it was a long walk getting here, soooo Frerin could you~ go and get them?” Kili at least had the decency to look apologetic. “Please?”

 

“Very we-”

 

“No, it’s his day off.” Fili grabbed the shoulder of Kili’s jacket, pulling him up to his feet. He needed an excuse to be away from Frerin, to get his head clear. Giving him the day off would do that, it would give them both much needed space. “You’re going to have to bare being on your feet for a bit longer.”

 

“But I just got off my feet.” Kili whined.

 

 


	6. Can't Happen Again

“So, what happened?” Kili walked faster than Fili in order to turn around and walk backwards. “Like, what really happened to you and Frerin?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Frerin doesn’t have a shaved head and something going on with his ear for nothing.” Kili stopped walking, he pressed his hand against Fili’s chest forcing the blond to a hault. All of his playfulness was put to the side, it was time to be serious. “Whatever happened before the party continued after. I can see that, I’m not stupid, Fili.”

 

“I never said you were.” Cold blue eyes held Kili’s gaze in a challenging way.

 

“You’re also now acting completely different around him from before. What happened?”

 

“It’s personal.” Fili tried to move past Kili only to be halted once more.

 

“I get it, you don’t like people in close. You never have, but if you're flying off the rails and hurting yourself and possibly others then I need to know.” Kili’s voice was hard. His fingers gripped the front of Fili’s sapphire waistcoat. “You may think that what we have is some kind of false bridge held up with illusions and imaginations but you’re my fucking best friend. I won’t let you spiral down this hole you’re digging yourself, you get me?”

 

Fili’s eyes softened. He pulled on Kili’s wrist, freeing himself. He wanted to tell the brunet everything, sit down and spill his heart to the ground. He felt miserable and worthless for lashing out last night, for scaring Kili, for hurting Frerin. He felt confused with how much he had enjoyed kissing his servant, how his body still felt the press of a hard body against him. His mouth felt dry, craving not water to quench his thirst but lips that seemed to fit his uncharastically well. It didn’t make sense. He needs to be alone so he can think, clear his mind and everything will fall back to the comfortable way it used to be. Until then, until he could sort himself out he slipped a lie out of his mouth.

 

“Frerin had a cousin that passed away from cancer recently.”

 

He saw Kili’s shoulders square off, his eyes going wide in understanding. Fili’s grandmother had died of throat cancer. The blond had not been particularly close to his relatives, but he had some memories of his grandparents and holidays that turned to grandparents and hospitals. He may have not been close to his grandparents but their deaths did affect him nonetheless.

 

“That’s why you gave him the day off?” Kili asked softly.

 

“He needs it… I need it.” Fili looked away from Kili, he didn’t like lying to him. He stuffed his hands into his pockets as he continued to talk. This lie was too easy to tell. “It’s why he shaved his head, in memory of his cousin, nicked his ear with the shaver on accident.”

 

“I... “ Kili looked around the large spance of green lawn, back towards Frerin’s little home. “Well, shit… I acted like a complete idiot. I should ask if he’s okay.”

 

“Leave him.” Fili grabbed Kili’s arm before his friend could go back to the servant’s house without him. “He needs his space.”

 

“R-right…”

 

“You know him, he’s irritably resilient. He’ll be fine in a day or two.”

 

“And you?” Kili turned to Fili, his hand gently coming up to touch Fili’s face.

 

Fili leaned into the touch. “Just need a few days alone… please.”

 

Kili pulled on Fili, sealing their lips together. This kiss was not something sexual, it wasn’t there to light a fire of passion, it was there to aid in reassurance. It was Kili showing that he cared, transferring the soft touch of tongue and lip. When the kiss broke he wrapped his arms around Fili’s shoulders, hugging him close.

 

“You’ll call me when you need to talk?”

 

“Y-yeah.” Fili hesitated before returning the hug. Not because he was upset, which was the conclusion that Kili had come up with, but because he didn’t want to dispel the feeling of Frerin against him. He felt disappointed to no longer taste the man on his tongue, nor the heat of his body, all replaced by Kili. Though, Kili’s warmth was good too. It was nice and something familiar that gave him something to hold onto while he sorted himself out.

 

He took Kili to the front gate. Where Bilbo and Thorin had managed to find a pack of cards in the car. Thorin was trying to explain some complicated card game that Bilbo got frustrated with and threw his cards at the car. In his own words, “no human being should have been allowed to have released this monstrosity upon another living creature.” Kili stuck his face between the iron bars with puppy dog eyes.

 

“I thought I was the one in prison, daddy.”

 

“The world -is- a prison son!” Bilbo barked as he hastily picked up cards. “And Thorin the warden!! Fili, my boy, how are you feeling today?”

 

“Better, Uncle Bill, but uh-”

 

“You had a -very- good time I see.” Kili grinned saving Fili from having to explain things again. He turned his face a little, squishing his cheek against a bar. “Fili, open up so I can get out of this cesspool.”

 

Fili elbowed Kili in the back making him thump up against the gate. “Asshole.”

 

Kili gripped the bars and leaned back, his hair curtaining down as his beamed a winning smile at his friend. “I’m so glad you remembered I have one. It makes me so happy that you think of it.”

 

“Really, Kili?” Thorin rubbed at his aching head. His patience run out from trying to teach a worried and restless Bilbo a game.

 

“Aw, are you jealous that someone else thinks of my prostrate besides you?”

 

“For fu-”

 

“Kili!” Fili cut Thorin off. “Are you coming or not?”

 

“I thought I was waiting for you to open the gate.”

 

Fili gestured with his hands to a small, open gate made for people to walk through next to some bushes and trees. Kili’s mouth fell open while Thorin visibly winced at not noticing it earlier.

 

“That was not there!!” Kili shouted. “You’re a wizard, Fili!”

 

“Yes, a wizard of known my own home.”

 

“Take me to Hogwartz!”

 

“Go home, Kili.” Fili started to stuff Kili through the gate.

 

“I need to meet Harry, he’d be old now but I need to meet him! Please FILI!”

 

“OUT!”

 

“But Fili, I was hoping we could come inside and have a quiet chat.” Bilbo came up to the gate.

 

Kili wrapped his arms around his shorter father, rocking from side to side while slowly pulling him back towards the car. “Nope, we going. Me and Fili squared things off.”

 

“Really?” He looked to the blond for confirmation.

 

Fili nodded.

 

“I’ll fill you in on the way home.” Kili paused by the car as Thorin and Bilbo got in. He turned watching Fili shut the small gate. “A week.”

 

Fili slowly blinked and nodded. “A week.”

 

“And you’ll call before then?”

 

“If I need you, yes.”

 

“Fili, I know it’s tough but you’re good at hanging in there. It’ll be okay.”

 

Fili’s eyes dropped to the ground. He gave a wave of his hand, turning away as he did.

 

A week. He had a week to figure out what was happening in his head and heart before Kili would come over with meaningless support. He wanted to be able to reveal the lie to Kili by then. He didn’t like lying to his best friend. As it was, Frerin had the day off and Fili wasn’t in a hurry to get out of the warm sun.

 

\-------------------------

 

Frerin pointed up at the sky, mimicking a gun. He pushed down his thumb and made a soft noise of firing an imaginary bullet. He had ear buds in as he laid on the freshly cut grass, his playlist going as he reached up and pulled back his thumb as if reloading. He tilted his hand, staring at it. He put his fingers up to his temple and made the firing sound once more.

 

To say he was confused would be an understatement. Things between him and Fili had calmed down in a sense. Fili called him by name now, stopped giving him demeaning tasks that now made his job a simple one of a personal butler. He even had days off now, which was a new concept in all in its own. They never did talk about the kiss. He knew he shouldn’t have read into it, should have seen it for what it was; Master Fili was only thankful for someone to see him for once.

 

Kili and Bilbo had come over with several gift baskets some of food some with wines, one full of hair growth products, and one day he was grabbed by the wrist and taken to a shop and told to select a whole new wardrobe and when he didn’t move they shoved him into the dressing room and threw almost the whole store at him to try on. It wasn’t until he was dropped off by the iron gates to the scrolling estate, laden down with bags, boxes and bewilderment that he happened across his master. Fili had been jogging past, taken up the hobby of long walks and random jogging since that fateful day they had kissed.

 

Fili stopped, grabbed the toe of his shoe and bent back his leg to stretch it. “What’s up?”

 

“I… I don’t know.” Frerin confessed. “Master Kili and Master Bilbo have seem to come to favor me and I… don’t…” He looked around. “I don’t know why.”

 

Fili cursed under his breath admitting that it was his fault but he did not say why. He had offered to help Frerin with his gifts, unaware of Bilbo and Kili who had parked not far from the driveway, got out and back tracked to watch the two. Fili’s lips had twitched as if they wished to pull up into a smile when Frerin fussed over how his master shouldn’t have to aid him and Fili told him to shut up. He helped him home then left to finish his run. Which left Frerin to where he was now. Confused as ever and… somewhat liking the soft glow that was settling in his core.

 

As he stared up at the blue sky, he found himself thinking of Fili’s eyes. His skin remembered the warmth of Fili’s breath upon his face, must to that of the gentle shine of the sun. He swallowed, his fingers coming over to his lips, his tongue pressing against the pads, tasting the salty taste of his own skin. It wasn’t the first time he remembered the power of Fili’s kiss. It wouldn’t be the first time his cock filled at the memory of the blond above him, making his breath hitch and a hand wander down to palm himself.

 

He closed his eyes, losing himself in the music playing in his ears. His hand slid under the hem of his pants, his wrist brushing against his hip as his fingers played over his lower belly, brushing over dark curls. He wanted to wrap his hand around his cock, work himself until he splattered spunk in his pants and smear it into his belly. He wanted to fantasize the whole while about his master, with his beautiful eyes, his blond hair and- Frerin pulled his hand out of his pants. He shoved himself into a sitting position. He ran his hands over the fuzz on his head trying to clear his thoughts.

 

He had never been with a man before. More so, he was thinking of his master in such crude ways. It was unacceptable.

 

He scrubbed his hands over his face, then rubbed at his legs while deciding something. He could be Fili’s friend but nothing else. He had to push sexual thoughts out of his head and move on. Maybe he would try to find a girlfriend or get a hobby or get a dog, anything to get his mind off of Fili. He couldn’t think of him like that, not any more.

 

He pushed himself up to his feet. He went inside his little flat. Taking his ipod he unplugged the ear buds and dropped it into the speaker cradle, setting it to play. He picked up his new bags that laid around. He went into his room, pulling out most of his old clothing and tossing them into a pile on the floor. He would put them in a sack later and on his next day off he would go and donate them to the homeless shelter in town.

 

He was sorting his new shoes, wondering why Bilbo insisted he needed five different pairs of dress shoes and three different kind of tennis shoes when there was a knock on his door. To find Fili waiting for him on the other side of the door was a bit of a surprise.

 

“Hey, uh,” Fili panted, his bangs clung to his forehead. “Kind of, uh, took a half lap and um…” He huffed out a breath, putting his hands on his hips. He looked behind him as if someone would come around and give him an excuse to leave.

 

“You must be thirsty, Master Fili. Come in.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Fili didn’t ask for a glass of water. He went into the kitchen and opened up cupboards until he found the one with glasses. He grabbed one and filled it with simple tap water and greedily drank it down. He was thankful that Frerin didn’t stick around to watch him, making it more uncomfortable than it already was.

 

“So, how was shopping with Bilbo and Kili?” He called out, knowing Frerin wouldn’t be too far.

 

“It, um.. It… it was an experience.” Frerin came by with an armload of clothing.

 

“Doing laundry?”

 

“Uh, no. I-I’m bagging these up for donation.” Frerin put them on the table. He crouched down next to Fili, opening one of the cupboards under the sink. He reached in for a garbage sack. “Master Kili and Master Bilbo got me so much clothing that I can’t fit it all into my dresser.”

 

Fili’s eyes trailed down Frerin’s back, small bits of cut grass stuck to the man’s shirt that pulled up as he messed with things under the sink. His gaze trailed down to the small space of skin that was exposed from the butler’s pants from pulling down. He sipped on his water, noting that he wasn’t wearing any underwear. Fili leaned against the countertop, gripping onto it with his free hand resisting the urge to reach down and slide his hand against skin.

 

He had promised himself that this wasn’t going to happen. That he wasn’t going to keep Frerin in his mind like that. He would resume their master and servant relationship and be a good master, a fair master for the man.

 

Frerin sat back, rustling open a sack. “I do wish they would listen to me and accept my polite refusals.”

 

“Good luck with that.” Fili snorted. “They’re both thick headed… You know you can talk like a normal person around me when it’s your day off, right?”

 

“I…” Frerin looked up. “No, I didn’t know that.”

 

“Well you can.” That song that Frerin would hum, and he heard play on the morning he woke up here started to play. He leaned over Frerin. He man’s head being pressed down by Fili’s hips as he reached over to the ipod to look at the name of the song.

 

“Hey!”

 

“Kill Your Heroes by.. awl… awwel?”

 

“Awolnation.”

 

Fili moved back. Frerin rubbed at his head. “You know, if you wanted my head in your crotch you could have just said.”

 

Fili’s eyes opened wide as Frerin slapped a hand over his mouth, his cheeks running a bright red completely horrified from what had just come out of him.

 

“I-I am so sorry, I-”

 

Fili’s mouth pulled up, a large smile showing as he threw back his head and started to laugh. The melody filled the room, boisterous and beautiful. Frerin’s embarrassment melted away as he looked up at his master. His eyes softened and he smiled.

 

“You really have been spending too much time with Kili.” Fili grinned. His smile started to fall when he saw the expression on Frerin’s face. His cheeks heating up at that look of admiration and… and… god there was something else there but he wasn’t sure what it was. “W-what?”

 

“You have a lovely laugh.” Frerin got up to his feet. “You should laugh more often.”

 

“It’s not that great.”

 

“Of course it is. It’s full of life, and your life is amazing.”

 

Frerin swallowed. When did they get so close? They had just been talking nothing else. He could feel Fili’s breath petting over his cheeks.

 

“I still can’t figure you out.”

 

“E-excuse me?” He was ashamed to admit that he squeaked when Fili’s hand left the counter in favor for gripping a handful of Frerin’s ass, pulling him close.

 

“I thought I hated you.” Fili put down the glass. He took the sack from Frerin’s grip and dropped it to the floor as he stepped up closer forcing Frerin back step by step until they were up against the kitchen table. “But it turns out that I’ve been scared of you. You with your gentleness, with your soft smiles and admiring looks. With your honest words and-and…” Fili’s eyes roamed over Frerin’s lips. “Something about you throws me to the ground, takes me off kilter.”

 

“I don’t mean to.”

 

Fili’s lips cover Frerin’s once more. This time it wasn’t rushed, it was a soft press. His lashes rested against his cheeks as he tilted his head, gentling asking permission for the kiss to deepen. Frerin hesitated, they weren’t supposed to do this again. He had promised himself he wouldn’t, that their relationship wouldn’t become more than friends. But… if this was to be their last kiss then he would take it and he had to make it clear.

 

Thier lips parted, Frerin hushing out, “We can’t be doing this.”

 

“I know.” Fili pressed his chest closer to Frerin’s. “I just want to taste you, one last time.”

 

Frerin tilted his head, gripping the edge of the table so he wouldn’t wrap his arms around his master as their tongues touched once more. He trembled at the wetness, whimpered against the perfect taste of Fili and water. He wanted to touch Fili, hold him close and wrap his legs around him. Let Fili teach him how to relax around fingers prepping his ass for a thick cock. Images of Fili naked filled his mind, how his body moved as he held Kili’s legs open, rocking into the brunet that writhed in pure ecstasy. He broke the kiss, turning away trying to will the images from his mind. He couldn’t do this, not to his beloved master.

 

Fili pressed his forehead against Frerin’s temple, panting as his body quivered with need. Every nerve was sparked to awareness in his body, pushing forward, desperate to receive contact from the servant. He couldn’t, -they- couldn’t.

 

“This doesn’t happen again.” Fili’s breath washed over Frerin’s neck and jaw.

 

The servant nodded, “Agreed.”

 

It took everything in Fili to pull away, to resist kissing and licking at skin though his fingers betrayed his mind, questing into the pile of clothing and quickly pocketing the closest thing he could grab. He wanted to claim and kiss, suck and fuck, drown in the flavors of the other man, nestle in his warmth and never emerge again. He swallowed, he needed to distance himself from Frerin.

 

“Take tomorrow off as well.” He took a few steps backwards. “No more of this. It won’t happen again.”

 

Frerin looked at him with understanding. “Things go back to normal after tomorrow.”

 

“Exactly.”

 

“Master Kili mentioned he would be here tomorrow around lunch.” Frerin tried to change the subject.

 

“We have, uh, something to discuss.” Fili clapped his hands together, “Still have tomorrow off, thank you for the water and uh, I’ll expect you early in the morning the following day.”

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

Fili let himself out. Frerin cursed under his breath. He had one hell of a hard on that needed to be taken care of.

 

Once Fili was outside he pulled out the tank top he had grabbed and stuffed into his back pocket, the main reason why he wouldn’t show Frerin’ his back while he was making his way out. His pace was slow as he walked, looking at the simple thing. It was black and designed to go under a dark dress shirt. He held it under his nose and took in a breath. The scent of clean soap and the natural musk of Frerin’s body clung onto the material making him feel light headed. His already filling cock was excited by the scent forcing him to go move faster. He needed to get to his room, he had one hell of a load he needed to spread on his sheets.

  
  
  


The next day found Fili rolling in his bed, nuzzling down on the shirt he had hidden under his pillow. He was still groggy from sleep as his hand slipped under his blankets and around his cock. He pumped himself the way he liked it, rubbing his thumb over the tip as he snuggled the side of his face under the pillow to breath in the captivating scent of the man he shouldn’t desire. His free hand played with his balls, rolling them in a way that he could imagine Frerin doing.

 

“Hi Fili!” Kili’s voice made him stop.  Was it noon already?

 

He felt the cold of the air hit his body as Kili peeled back his blankets. He let go of his cock and stones in favor of lifting up his pillow.

 

“Kili.” He simply stated.

 

“Decided to come by early, had nothing better to do.” Kili licked his lips looking at Fili’s full cock. “Glad that I did, looks like meat is already grilling on the Barbe.”

 

The bed dipped as Kili sat, his clever fingers reaching out to play over Fili’s cock. Fili hissed, rocking his hips up into his friend’s touch.

 

“I was thinking about everything, it’s been long enough, not a whole month but still long enough.” Kili fisted Fili’s cock, pumping it with steady and firm strokes. “You’re treating Frerin better-”

 

“Fuck!” Fili arched his back, his body tingling from the touches and the scent of Frerin still strong in his nose.

 

“-even calling him by his name. Which iiis?” Kili grinned as he dipped his head down, hot, moist breath ghosting over Fili’s tip. “What’s his name, Fili?”

 

“F-fr-” Kili sucked Fili’s cock down to the base, his nose nestling in dark, golden curls. “Frerin!!”

 

Kili hummed, his tongue flat, throat full as he drooled over his best friend. A hand gripped his head. He slowly dragged himself up enough to breath through his nose before plunging back down. He bobbed his head, his fingers wrapping around Fili’s root, his thumb constantly petting Fili’s balls. He glanced up the length of his friend’s lean body seeing Fili muffle himself with his pillow. Kili grinned and gave a few final sucks that tipped Fili over the edge, the blond biting his pillow as he shouted, cumming into his friend’s mouth so hard that Kili choked a little.

 

Kili licked his lips as he laid over Fili, playfully pulling the pillow away.

 

“No suffocating yourself, genius.”

 

“Fuck you.”

 

“That would be nice, but you need to regain your strength first.” Kili wiggled up farther, resting his head on Fili’s chest. “I saw you helping Frerin with his bags yesterday…”

 

Fili swallowed, still panting.

 

“...you win the bet.”

 

“I’m not his friend. I haven’t won anything, Kili.” Fili’s hand gently stroked through Kili’s dark hair.

 

“Trust me.” Kili snuggled into the comforting touch. “You win.”

 

“No I don’t.”

 

“With the way you look at him now? Yeah, you do.”

 

“The way I look at him?”

 

“No one looks at another person like that without some heart behind it.” Kili had to choose his words wisely. If he straight out said that he saw Fili looking at Frerin with a love stricken look the guy was likely to relapse into being an asshole towards the butler and most likely kick Kili out of his life for over a month. He kissed Fili’s chest before rolling over and straddling the blond’s waist. “Changing the subject, when I noticed Frerin wasn’t here, since Thorin was my ride, I sent Thorin to harass your man servant.”

 

“You really can’t leave well enough alone.” Fili put his hands over Kili’s hips. “You know, you and Uncle Bill have confused the shit out of the guy. He has no idea why you two are super nice to him and are forcing your kindness down his throat.”

 

“You think we should donate money to cancer research funds in his name to tip him off?”

 

Fili groaned. “Kili, um… there’s something I need to tell you.”

 

\----------------------------

 

“You sure it’s safe to be up here?” Thorin asked as he leaned out a window seeing Frerin’s back as he sat quietly up on the roof.

 

“Sure it is. Unless you’re drunk.” Frerin mused. He looked down to his bottle of beer, he had a sack next to him, pinned down with a rock that held a six pack’s worth of empty bottles in it already.

 

“And you’re quickly getting there.” Thorin pulled him through the window and onto the roof. He sat down next to Frerin. “Want to share as to why? First Fili, now you. What’s going on?”

 

“Think I just made the biggest mistake in my life.” Frerin tapped his finger against the bottle. “You wanna tell me why you’re here? It’s not like we really know each other.”

 

“My student needed me to blindside you so he could talk with Fili alone about their childish bet.”

 

Frerin frowned for a second. “You know… I don’t think I’ve ever made a bet in my life… huh.”

 

“They do bets all the time with each other, deals, challenges, dares, dumb teenager stuff that hasn’t run out of their system yet.”

 

“Still won’t, not until they’re almost thirty.”

 

Thorin nodded. “Yeeep. Even then some people don’t grow out of it.”

 

“What was this one about?”

 

“Meh,” Thorin rolled his wrist in the air in a dismissive manner. “If Fili could befriend you.”

 

The tutor didn’t notice how the butler stiffened. Nor how his eyes turned away from the sky and down to the earth. Thorin was busy looking over the view of tall trees on the other side of the prestien gravel road that lead to the small house. From there he could see a little area down the way where there was more housing, where more servants lived. 

“Because I’m such a wild animal.” Frerin joked, sounding normal even though his insides shook.

 

“I would rather have that than Kili’s obsession with my ass. That boy seems to think it’s the answer for everything.”

 

Frerin’s smile was fake as he looked at the man next to him. “Maybe to him it is.”

 

“No, the answer is for him to focus but he can’t do that because he’s like a puppy that’s first discovering grass.”

 

“He’s a good man.” Frerin slipped his empty bottle into his little garbage sack. He didn’t feel like drinking any more. “He’s the opposite of Master Fili. A Yin to a Yang.”

 

Thorin sighed. “Agreed… I’m a bit hungry, mind if I~” He motioned inside.

 

“Raid my fridge, go for it. You sure you’re not related to them? The Baggins family.”

 

“They do seem to be contagious.” Thorin was climbing back inside. “Kind of like you.”

 

“Like me?”

 

Thorin nodded. “People that are easy to get along with, get used to… sometimes, when I see you I can’t help but wonder if we’re related.”

 

Frerin didn’t turn around. “Why do you say that?”

 

Thorin scratched at his beard. “I’m not sure, but I like being around you, even if we don’t know each other well.”

 

“We know each other well enough. You’ve sat with me on my roof, now you’re going to eat my food. I say that’s a telling sign we get along to the point of being friends.”

 

“True.”

 

Frerin heard Thorin through the open window, going out of the upper loft to go down to the kitchen below. He gritted his teeth, pulling his knees up as hot tears rolled down his face. He pressed the heel of his hand against his forehead. His breathing came out his labored hisses as he tried not to make a sound though, it was hard to tell over the shattering of his heart.

 

 


	7. Driving Me Crazy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for typos

Things didn’t go back to normal, not between Fili and Frerin. Everything settled between Kili and himself, under a hard slap for lying about the seriousness of cancer as well as Fili’s own break of hurting Frerin. Of course there was the stipulation that Fili would donate a healthy sum to cancer research, which he did within a week’s time and Kili completely forgave him. But something was off about Frerin. He no longer lingered after his shift ended, quickly disappearing before Fili could call him back for any reason. His speech became quick and clipped, summing down to little more beyond, “Yes, sir.”, “Of course, sir.”, “As you say, sir.” His shoulders were stiff, back ramrod straight. What was worse, out of all this, with the lack of attention, the removal of his voice humming, or chatting or even his confounded muttering, was the cold that rushed in without Frerin’s eyes on him. Fili had noticed that Frerin would look away from him instead of staring at him until Fili told him to go away. He no longer had that sickeningly soft smile and eyes that held him in aw.

 

Fili sat at his desk looking over the numbers for one of the companies that his mother entrusted to him. He tapped his pen against the wood not seeing what was on the white sheets, the ink meant nothing to him as he buried his hand in his hair. He had tried to understand Frerin’s sudden strange behavior. He had tried to explain it as a bad result of their kiss. He made excuse after excuse trying to understand why his chest felt empty whenever he saw his personal servant. He tried talking to Frerin, actually attempting to engage into conversations like he would have with Bilbo or even Kili but all he got was a whole lot of nothing!

 

He tossed his pen on his desk. What the hell was he supposed to do? It’s been over four months! Summer was over and they were deep into the fall, the trees had all changed color and the biting cold of winter was encroaching. He couldn’t just ask Frerin, “You know that kiss we were never supposed to have four months, two weeks, and three days go? Was it really that bad?”

 

Fili pressed his fingers to his lips and chin in thought as he leaned back in his chair in thought. He huffed through his nose, browse drawn together as he tried to figure this situation out. They had Thror in common, he could try bringing that up, maybe lure him into a conversation that way. But… having a conversation, was it enough? Fili was still shamefully squirreling away Frerin’s shirt, burying his face into the material when he needed to relax. He found that relaxing was becoming more of a rare thing though, he had been informed by some of the servants with their loose tongues that Frerin has been seeing someone as of recently. A few times a maid had seen Frerin in town having lunch or even dinner with the guy, spotted at the movies.

 

His phone buzzed to life, a chime indicated that he had a message sent to his email. He snapped up his phone and unlocked it. He opened up the new message that waited for him. Kili would probably be laughing at Fili for his actions, hiring a private investigator to tail his own damn butler. Bilbo would just slap him upside the head and tell him to leave it be. Thorin would…

 

Fili felt his stomach flip at the images that opened up.

 

Thorin would be the fucking guy that was Frerin’s boyfriend.

 

Fili scrubbed his hand over his chin. He stretched his jaw with a frustrated motion as he kept a balled up fist on the arm of his chair. His eyes staring at the images that he put on slideshow. Frerin’s dark hair was growing back nicely, trimmed and proper making him look like royalty. His face was alight with joy and laughter as he was walking with Thorin in an over packed mall, both men dressed in warm coats with paper coffee cups in their hands. Thorin was just a happy.

 

And then a picture of Thorin stepping closer to Frerin, a video came up, the noise loud of the mall blocking out the sounds of their voices. Fili watched Frerin’s body move with laughter, then Thorin was closer, wrapping an arm around Frerin’s back. Fili closed his eyes. Hot tears fell onto his fingers that pressed harder against his lips as if they were the only things keeping him from screaming.

 

Why the hell did that hurt so badly? Frerin so happy with someone else. It shouldn’t be someone else! It should- It should be him…

 

Fili grabbed his phone. He was about to leave his email screen to call Kili when another email showed up. He didn’t care at this point. He let his phone tumble down, back onto the desk with a clatter. He pushed himself out of his chair. He needed to get out, away from his phone that showed him such horrible things. He needed to clear his head.

  
  
  


Frerin had distanced himself from Fili and Kili. If he was nothing but a game to them then he would face reality. Fili was his employer, nothing else. Kili was his employer’s friend, nothing more. It hurt to go to work every day knowing that he was an object. He had shamefully invested his heart into the possibility of becoming close to someone else who had knew his grandfather. He had been stupid and let his admiration develop into a crush over misunderstandings. And his crush did exactly what it was named after, he was heart broken to know that he was nothing but a toy. He had thought, many times, of leaving, just quitting and leaving. He had no family to live with and he would be on the streets, but he felt that it was a sane option when compared to the madness of wanting to break into tears every time he saw the man that he had let steal away his heart.

 

No matter what he told himself, how he packed his bags and left them by the door, he couldn’t turn the knob with the intent on leaving. He couldn’t muster the courage to walk away. Now, he lived out of those bags, that still sat just inside his door.

 

Thorin had come over once again after Kili wished to spend time with Fili once more. The tutor had seen the bags, he didn’t ask why they were there, but he had known Fili through Kili and only for a few years. Most had run from him and what he had done to them. He admired that Frerin had stuck in but even the strongest of men had a limit to the weight they could bare.

 

His relationship with Frerin had started off slow. Sitting at tables in coffee shops or bars, sipping and briefly talking. He pressured Frerin to not stay in his house during his day off, met with him with some meals and movies. He found that he enjoyed their friendship, though it felt like Frerin was holding back most the time, reverting to being quick lipped and silent when he felt hurt or uncomfortable. But when he got Frerin to laugh in the mall, the man laughing so hard he started to cough, Thorin rubbed at Frerin’s back and patted it, he felt an overwhelming feeling of success in breaking down a wall.

 

“Are you okay there?” Thorin’s eyes twinkled with mirth.

 

“Why did you do that?” Frerin’s cough raddled from how deep it was. “I was drinking my coffee.”

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that it was that funny.”

 

“It was hilarious.” Frerin took several deep breaths, tapping his fist against his own chest. “I hurt.”

 

“I didn’t think a joke about a skeleton and a ghost would be deadly.”

 

Frerin snickered, “Deadly.”

 

“You like word play jokes, don’t you?”

 

“Mmm!” The butler’s eyebrows went up as he sipped on his coffee to wash away the tingling burn left from all his coughing. “Love them. Ever heard about the library, chicken and frog?”

 

“I don’t believe I have.”

 

“A chicken went into a library and asked the library; book?” He made the book sound more like a chicken’s call. “The librarian gave her a book. Next day the chicken came back and asked; book, book? Two books were given to the chicken. Next day the chicken came back and asked; book, book, book? The librarian gave the chicken three books. Well, that is certainly a lot of books for a chicken to read all at once, so the the librarian followed the chicken to a little home. The chicken went inside and through the window the librarian saw a sick frog. The chicken handed the books to the frog and the frog looked at each book saying; read it, read it, read it.” Frerin made sure to make ‘read it’ sound like a frog’s croak.

 

Thorin smirked with a small laugh. “That is a good one.”

 

“Not good, genius!”

 

“What does a drunk moose take for a hangover? Elk-aseltzer.”

 

Frerin’s cheeks were starting to hurt from all the smiling. “I like that one. I’ll have to remember it.”

 

“At least you are satisfied with those, I can’t do a pun for the life of me.” Thorin slowly started to walk. “Though, my father was a grandmaster at puns.”

 

“All fathers are.” Frerin kept up pace. “Especially with dad jokes.”

 

Thorin hummed in agreement. “You should hear Bilbo. He’ll pull out the dad jokes as if they are a gleaming sword for battle. Sends Kili running, but you can tell he’s learning each one for when he has his own devil spawn to release upon the world. Not looking forward to that moment of having to juggle ‘grandpa Bill’ with Kili and whatever children he’ll have.”

 

“You plan on staying with them that long?”

 

Thorin nodded. “They are the best people I know. When it is time for me to retire I know they will take good care of me. What about you and Fili? It’s been months and last time I visited your house you still had your bags packed and waiting for that one way ticket…”

 

Frerin only shrugged, his shoulders slumping.

 

An uncomfortable subject, it would seem. “You know… you can leave any time you wish.”

 

Hazel eyes looked at Thorin, the tutor saw pain in that gaze. Frerin shook his head before nudging Thorin with his elbow.

 

“Best leave the skeletons in the closet.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“It’s dark out. Mind giving me a ride home?”

 

Thorin looked outside the wall of glass that they were walking by that showed one of the many entrances of the mall. It was black outside, from the cold that gusted towards them he had to judge that it had been dark for several hours. Frerin would have to wait for the city bus to take him to the only drop off around that area of the city, before walking a good three miles before getting to Fili’s estate.

 

“Of course.” Thorin tapped the toe of his shoe up against Frerin’s getting his attention. “You need to get a car.”

 

“I have been thinking about it.”

 

When Frerin got home the ground was already frosting over. The crisp ice covered grass crunched under his shoes as he juggled his keys. Thorin’s car was already pulling away, the headlights bright in the darkness.

 

“Coming home rather late when you have work tomorrow.”

 

Fili’s voice cut through the silence of the night causing Frerin to jump. The butler’s heart leapt into his throat, hammering quickly from the scare. His keeps jingled in his hands as he tried not to drop them. Fili snorted with a bitter tone, he had been leaning against the alcove for who knows how long, waiting for Frerin to get home.

 

“M-master Fili, what are you doing here?” Frerin stuck his house key into the lock. He turned it, wanting to get out of the cold that was already turning his nose red and making him sniffle.

 

“I thought I would talk to you about your strange behavior around me but I can see what is going on.”

 

“My strange behavior, sir?” Frerin opened the door and turned on the light, stepping inside. He left the door open for Fili to follow if he wished. He started to take off his coat, pausing when he noticed the glare he was receiving. He felt anger twist inside of him. Fili didn’t have the right to be angry with him. He was the one being used like some game piece, not Fili.

 

“Don’t give me that, stupid.” Fili pushed himself off of the alcove wall. His shoulders hunched as he came forward, he was so angry. He slammed the door behind him. He caught sight of the packed bags next to the door. One bag had a zipper open, the sleeve of a shirt hanging out of it.  Frerin had packed? He was going to leave? Didn’t he mean anything to Frerin any more? After kisses that lingered in Fili’s mind, how he almost fucked the man on his own table because they obviously had the chemistry between them! And here Frerin was, running off with another man!!

 

“Don’t call me that.” Frerin frowned.

 

“Then stop playing dumb!” Fili grabbed Frerin’s coat that was half way down his arms. He twisted the beige fabric trapping the man’s arms.

 

“I’m not!” Frerin struggled against the surprising strength of his master with hard jerks of his arms. “Let me go, Fili.”

 

“No!” Fili hissed. “Not until you tell me why. Why him?! Why not me?!”

 

“What the hell are you talking about?!”

 

Fili’s lips crashed into Frerin’s, hard, bruising. Frerin stumbled back trying to get away but Fili’s firm grip on him only corrected him and kept him close. Frerin turned his head, squeezing his eyes shut as Fili’s mouth opened and sucked under his jaw. He wanted to shout at him to stop but something in him was desperate for this attention, clawing up to the surface and making him stand and take it. Fili’s leg slipped between Frerin’s knees, his thigh pressing up high to brush against Frerin’s crotch.

 

“Do you let him touch you like this?” Fili’s words were peppered with hurt and anger. As he spoke images of Frerin being fucked by Thorin filled his mind, all conjured by his imagination but it didn’t take away from the pain that was stabbing at his heart. “Lick your skin, taste your lips. Does he push you down into his bed, climbing behind you to mount your perfect ass.”

 

“Stop.” Frerin whispered. How could Fili say any of this when Fili screwed his own best friend as if Frerin didn’t matter?

 

“Does your boyfriend call you dirty names as he drives his dick into you?!”

 

“I don’t have a boyfriend!”

 

“So you’re just a whore.” Fili shook Frerin. “That’s good to know.” He stated bitterly.

 

“I haven’t been with anyone since your mother hired me! How the hell does that make me a whore?!” Frerin shoved himself up against Fili hard enough to startle the man to let him go. He backed off quickly, shrugging off his coat, not willing for it to be used to trap him again.

 

“Don’t lie to me! I’ve seen you with him! The servants have told me how you have gone on dates with him!” Fili threw a hand behind him while he shouted, pointing to the packed bags. “And it looks like you’re about to move in with him!!”

 

“Him, who?! Who are you talking about, you-” He barely caught himself in insulting his master. Instead he bit his tongue until it hurt.

 

“Thorin!!”

 

“He’s my friend! You know, the kind of friend that you don’t fuck in front of your butler! The kind of friend that sees you need time away from work! You know, the good kind of friend and not a fuck buddy!!”

 

“I’m supposed to believe that after-”

 

“You know what, no!” Frerin cut Fili off. “You don’t get to come here and yell at me like this!” He pushed past Fili, he grabbed his backpack and slung it over his shoulder. He snatched up the other bag.

 

“What are you doing?” Fili’s heart stopped.

 

The butler sniffled. He wouldn’t cry. Frerin wrenched open the door, despite himself a few tears fell. He quickly scrubbed them away as he stormed out into the darkness.

 

“Where are you going, Frerin?!!” Fili ran after him.

 

“Away!!” Frerin waved his one bag in the air, not letting go of it as he walked with quick strides. “You win! You finally get what you want and I’m going!”

 

“No!” Fili grabbed Frerin’s bag, pulling on it.

 

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Frerin jerked his bag away from Fili. “You wanted me gone for so long, fucking jump for joy! Throw a fucking party because your plan fucking worked!!”

 

Fili felt his legs get heavy. He couldn’t breath. “You said you wanted to stay!! If Thorin isn’t the reason you’re leaving then why are you going?!”

 

“Because I’m nothing but a toy to you!!” Frerin’s face felt hot despite how cold the air was. Tears slipped over his cheeks as he lost his temper, lost himself. “I stayed because I wanted to know why- why did Grandpa leave me. I wanted to know why I wasn’t important to Grandpa anymore and what was so special about you!! And I thought I knew, a broken boy that didn’t even know how to smile. A beautiful man that has so much depth and character than it’s impossible to see all of him, an enigma of the greatest proportion! But all you are is a heart breaking-” He searched for a word but all that came out was, “-ghoul!”

 

Fili stood quietly. Thror had abandoned Frerin for Fili? Why would he do that? Frerin was so much better than him.

 

“I-”

 

“Don’t!” Frerin bit out. “What’s worse about this whole thing was that I tricked myself into believing that you were actually becoming a better person. That when we kissed it meant something, anything to you-”

 

“It does!”

 

“I can’t believe you, Fili! Not after finding out that I was some game for you! Something you and Kili could fucking make a bet over! Do you know what that did to me?!”

 

Blue eyes went wide. Frerin found out about the bet? But… it was harmless, it was… but if Frerin didn’t know that then it would look like two rich people treating a servant like a piece of property. To anyone that didn’t know Fili and Kili deep down it would look like something bad!

 

When the butler spoke again it was breaking a long standing silence. His voice riddled with sorrow.

 

“It made me see the man I fell in love with for the monster he really is.” Frerin looked Fili in the eye, leaning forward as he shouted when silence fell once more. “Do you hear me?! I fell in love with you and you used me!!”

 

Frerin shook his head when there was no reply. He turned. He wasn’t going to deal with this any more. He would go to a hotel for a few days, live off of what he had saved up, try to find another job. He couldn’t be here any more.

 

He heard the crunch of gravel before Fili’s body heavily impacted his. He fell forward barely able to shove his bag under his body to cushion the fall. Hands grabbed at him, he cursed when he felt a jolt of fear as he was flipped around to see Fili’s determined face. Frerin was certain he was going to be punched. Instead Fili sat on his lap. The blond pulled at his shirt bringing him up. Lips were softly pressed on his. It was a great contrast to what they had shared earlier.

 

“I won’t let you leave.” Fili’s voice was barely a whisper. He pressed his forehead against Frerin’s. He touched the butler’s face tenderly. “Not after telling me that.”

 

“Fi-”

 

“I’m sorry about the bet. I’m sorry for calling you a whore, I’m sorry for being so angry with you about Thorin. I’m-”

 

“Don’t.” Frerin’s tears were large and heavy. Dripping over Fili’s questing fingers. He can’t handle this any more.

 

“I’m sorry,” Fili kissed Frerin’s lips once more. “I’m sorry I got jealous. Please, don’t leave.”

 

“I don’t mean anything to you.” It came out as a sob, showing how much Frerin was hurting.

 

“God why do you have to be so stupid!” Fili’s hands slipped into Frerin’s warm hair, it was short but enough to grip onto. He pressed his forehead harder against Frerin’s as he rocked a little in his frustration. “You mean -everything- to me!”

 

This time it was Frerin that initiated the kiss. His arms wrapped around Fili’s waist, his mouth easily opened. They clung onto each other, tongues warring in the dark of night. It wasn’t until Fili started to shiver that they broke their kiss.

 

“Let’s go back,” Frerin suggested, his hands stroking over Fili’s sides. “It’s, uh, it’s cold.”

 

Fili slowly got up, looking wary that this was a trick and Frerin would run off. For safety he grabbed up Frerin’s loose bag and kept it out of reach. The butler pushed himself off of the ground with a grunt. He dusted himself off as he was watched. He sighed giving in.

 

“I’ll stay, but you need to explain somethings to me.”

 

His master nodded, bringing up a fist to cough into.

 

“Come on,” Frerin’s stride was not as hurried as it had once been before as he made it back to the house he lived in.

 

When they got to the house Fili could see how terrible Frerin looked in the light. Eyes red from crying, face puffy from tears, dark circles under his eyes, slumped shoulders. Frerin was slow in removing his backpack letting it thump hard on the floor. He went into the kitchen and grabbed the kettle on the stove. He filled it with water and set it to heat.

 

Fili sat at the table while Frerin dug out some cups and honey.

 

“I have a pretty good feeling we’re both going to be sick tomorrow,” the butler said.

 

“What do we… what do we do now?”

 

“We drink tea, go to bed, and recover from the rollercoaster that was the past half hour.”

 

The two stayed quiet after that with the occasional cough by Fili. They drank lemon and honey tea, soothing hoarse throats and chasing Fili’s cough away. After the last sip they remained seated. Shyly glancing up at each other from the table, not sure where to go from there.

 

“Did you… mean what you said?” Frerin asked. “About me actually mattering to you.”

 

“Of course.” Fili swallowed feeling butterflies in his stomach.

 

Frerin tapped his fingers against his cup while deciding something. He stood up, “Would you mind if I shared the bed with you tonight?”

 

Fili quickly got up. “N-not at all.”

 

“It’s just that the front room is cold and the bed is big enough for both of us.”

 

“It’s fine. I mean, I’m fine with it, it’s your house.”

 

The two went into the only bedroom for the small house. They took off their shoes, Fili pulled off his coat and hung it on little hook screwed into the door. Warm arms wrapped around him from behind, Frerin pressed up behind him, resting his cheek against Fili’s shoulder.

 

“Is this okay?”

 

Fili closed his eyes, leaning back against Frerin. He put his hand over his butler’s, feeling something inside unravel giving him relief.

 

“More than okay.”

 

“Which side of the bed would you like?”

 

“Closest to the wall.”

 

“Want to borrow anything to sleep in?”

 

“Frerin. Stop fussing, let’s just go to bed.”

 

“O-okay.”

 

Fili went to the bed, pulling off his shirt. He dropped it to the floor, bent over and took off his pants and then slipped in between the warm blankets. He scooted over towards the wall and waited as Frerin picked up an over sized white shirt from on top of his dresser. The man was down to his underwear, chest and stomach dusted with dark hair. His body was well sculpted without being lean or muscular. He slipped on the shirt that dropped down to mid thigh. Fili smiled a little noting that it was cut like an old styled night shirt.

 

Fili learned a few things about Frerin that night and despite the struggle of finding out the man’s true feelings, it was worth it. Now, he was laying with him in a soft bed. He found out that Frerin slept with music playing, the mellow tones from a song called “waves” by Mr. Probz played on repeat. The butler also liked to lace his own fingers together, as if holding hands with someone in order to sleep. When he heard the first sounds of soft snores, Fili took Frerin’s hands away from each other. He laced his own fingers in with Frerin’s. He reached over with his free hand and stroked the man’s face, his fingertips brushing over long bangs that felt kitten soft.

 

He watched him sleep, tried to memorize the sound of his slumbers. He wanted to always remember the peaceful look of Frerin’s face.

 

“You drive me crazy,” he whispered as he continued to stroke hair and cheek.

 

 


	8. No More Destination, No More Pain

Fili woke to the feeling of warmth with a tingling in his throat. He raised up a hand and coughed against his wrist. One cough, two, three, it kept going until he couldn’t breathe and panic started to set in. He didn’t even feel movement next to him until his hand was lowered from his mouth by someone else. He turned his head, coughing against the pillow as some strong minty goop was gently wiped under his nose and around his mouth. The strong mint opened up his lungs making him heave and cough so hard that his body curled up and rattle deep in his core. A tissue was held up to his mouth and he spat out a dry chunk of something, he was pretty sure it was lung.

 

“There we go.” A hoarse voice spoke from beside him.

 

The minty slime was placed on his chest, a warm hand rubbed it into his skin. Fili's muddled mind could only focus on the broad palm that brushed through his chest hair spreading a thin layer of the cooling mint. Fingers worked on his skin massaging over his pectoral working from the lower parts, another hand joined the first adding more ointment. Thumbs brushed over his nipples, the rushing cold from the medicine caused them to harden into dusky pebbles. He drew in a shuddering breath, feeling the dragging of air through his sore throat and rattling lungs. A shiver ran up his spine. Those magical hands brought more relief by working the ointment into his collarbone and caressing up to his neck. Any other day he would find this sort of touch sensual, encouraging his cock to engorge with blood and swell to full mast, as it was, he was too sick to be tempted. The touch at this moment brought relief from his sickness. A few minutes wait and he could breathe without the itching scratch in the back of his throat though the rattle in his chest was still prominent.

 

Slowly, he willed his eyes open greeted by a tired smile with twinkling eyes once again filled with admiration and that something else that he couldn’t place. Frerin was wiping his fingers clean on a rag looking as sick as Fili felt. He felt a pull of concern but his inexperience in actually caring for someone, actually interacting with them beyond what he would do for Kili was unknown to him.

 

“I let you sleep in a bit,” Frerin’s voice was terrible and Fili somehow knew if he spoke he would sound the same. “Lunch is about ready, figured it was a good time to get you up.”

 

Fili’s fingers brushed over Frerin’s wrist, the butler pulled away, pushing himself up onto his feet. He picked up the jar of green substance from the nightstand, quickly capping it and leaving the room. Fili found that Frerin’s absence left the room feeling cold, putting a shiver through his skin. He pulled the blanket off of the bed, wrapping it around his shoulders, trailing some of it on the floor.

 

There was no music this time when entering the kitchen, only golden light from the sun and the subtle clinking of dishes and running water. He stood next to the table, looking down at the bowls of chicken soup and soda crackers. He drew up his eyes when he heard Frerin’s labored cough, seeing his butler turning his head and coughing into his sleeve. One hand clutched the edge of the sink for support as a leg lifted and his shoulders bent down from how hard he was coughing, forcing his body to try to fold into itself.

 

Fili made a step towards him only to stop. What would he do? He didn’t know anything about helping someone, let alone a sick person. He rarely got sick himself and he had only seen Kili sick once. He had no idea what to do. It was when Frerin’s coughing fit ceased that Fili moved. The butler was bent over, breathing hard and clutching at his chest, eyes screwed shut.

 

“Frerin, m-maybe you should sit down.” His voice scratched his throat making him want to cough again.

 

A nod and a weak, “uh-huh” was his reply reaching over to the table edge for support. Fili took hold of the man’s elbow, his other arm wrapping around Frerin’s middle to help him the few steps. Panic beat into his heart when all strength was sapped from the person he was holding. Frerin didn’t fall fully, Fili managed to maneuver him into a chair where he slumped, breathing with such trouble that Fili could hear the wheezing strain to the butler’s lungs. A worry coupled with his panic as Frerin protested with little repeats of, “I’m alright.”

 

“The hell you are.” Fili didn’t have any animosity behind his words. His hand running through short hair, mostly to reassure himself that Frerin was still drawing breath and was warm to the touch than to comfort the ill butler.

 

He pulled the blanket from his shoulders and wrapped it around Frerin, terrible memories coming back to the front of his mind. He went back into the room finding his coat, digging into the pockets he fished out his cellphone. He hit the first speed dial he could find, not caring who it was. He grabbed a random shirt and pulled it over his head, to protect his cold skin.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Bilbo!”

 

“Fili? You sound horrible.”

 

“Something’s wrong, something, something happened last night and Frerin got sick.” Fili was heading back into the kitchen. “I-I don’t know what to do, he sounds worse than me and… and…”

 

He dropped the phone. Frerin’s form was limp, his head had hit the table, spilling soup over him. His arms dangled, the blanket half hanging off of him. Fili stood still, memories flooding his vision of walking into a room finding Thror’s cold body on the floor, face pale and lips blue from all life gone from him.

 

“No!” He rushed forward, squatting down next to Frerin and shaking him. “No, not you! No, no. Wake up, wake up!!” He shouted over his shoulder to the phone he left on the floor. “Uncle Bill!!”

 

*           *          *          

 

Thorin was surprised that they didn’t have police chasing them down the freeway by now, or have a national news helicopter chasing them down from how Bilbo was driving. He actually had to reach over and buckle the man in while he flew down the streets at outrageous speeds.  He managed to get his own seatbelt on after being bounced over a curb so hard that his head hit the ceiling with a loud thump and nearly tossed out the open window. Kili, meanwhile, was on his motorcycle speeding ahead at a worrying pace that made Thorin hold the strap over his chest with a white knuckled grip. His eyes stayed on the youth, his mind praying over and over the same prayer, “please don’t let him crash, please don’t let him crash.”

 

“This is all Dis’ fault you know that right?” Bilbo ranted next to Thorin. “Never being there for him, always paying people to do things for him so he never had to learn a damn thing! He doesn’t even know how to call 911 first!”

 

“Keep your eyes on the road Master Baggins.” Thorin grunted when his side slammed against the door once more from a sharp turn.

 

“Frerin’s sick, well how sick?!” Bilbo raged. “Fili has no idea, how could he with how little exposure to others he’s had!! All because of that MOTHER of his!” Bilbo looked at Thorin ignoring the road. “He called me, you know that? Because I’ve been the only one to help him when he needed it most. When Thror died he didn’t even call me, I found him hours later curled up into a ball next to a dead body that was set into rigamortis!! He only called me now because he’s panicking!”

 

“Master Baggins, you are panicking yourself, and please LOOK AT THE ROAD!!”

 

Bilbo wrenched the steering wheel to the side barely missing another car as he slammed his foot on the gas. “The poor boy has no idea what to do, how to do it or even what to think about the situation!! Oh believe me when I say I’m going to have some words with Dis about this!!”

 

Thorin did forget how to breath when he saw Kili’s motorcycle as Bilbo braked, whirling the vehicle around and smashing into it. Thorin found it a small miracle that Bilbo only managed to slow down enough when they got to Fili’s estate to knock Kili’s unmanned bike into the iron gates and dent in the back passenger door and crumple the trunk of the car.  He took a moment, taking in one breath after another. Bilbo was already out, grabbing a bag from the back seat.

 

“Hurry up, Thorin!”

 

“R-right.” The tutor swallowed, unbuckling his seat belt. He had to force his door open to get out. He stepped on the bent front tire of Kili’s bike, having to climb over it to get around the car and to the small, unlocked gate to the side.

 

Bilbo was already at a good jogging pace that Thorin matched, it would take them a few minutes to get to Frerin’s little house, but with Kili’s speed, he should be arriving at any time.

  
  
  


Kili tried the door knob only to find it locked. He pounded his fist on the door. “Fili!! Fili, open up!”

 

When there was no immediate sound he pushed over potted plants, pulled up the welcome mat, and felt around the sides of the door frame for a spare key. A gentle wind blew chiming one of Frerin’s wind chimes. A glint from the sunlight brought Kili’s attention to a wind chime made out of keys.

 

“You got to be kidding me.” He grabbed the whole thing, pulling it from the hook it was on. “Smart bastard, hiding a house key among a bunch of useless ones.”

 

He started to test each one. “Fili! Frerin! If you can hear me, opening this door would be really great right now!”

  
  
  


Fili could hear Kili shouting from outside, but he wasn’t willing to leave the shivering body he clutched to his chest. His cheek pressed against Frerin’s neck as scolding hot water beat down on him, the only thing he could think of to help the brunet to breathe again was hot steam. They were both fully clothed, soaked to the bone. His own breathing eased from the hot moisture and Frerin had finally woken through a fit of coughs that turned his face red and strained his neck as if his illness was crushing his throat. Thick dollops of froth speckled with red were spat out from Frerin’s mouth between coughs.

 

Fili held onto him, terrified that if he let go to let Kili in they would come back to a dead body.

 

“It’s alright.” Fili squeezed his eyes closed as another horrible fit shook even him. “You’ll be alright.”

 

“I can’t-” Frerin was gasping now, weakly struggling against Fili’s hold. Each breath was an audible gasp of agony. “I can’t breathe.”

 

“Fili!” The sound Kili’s voice followed the bang of a door slamming open.

 

“Kili!”

 

Kili hurried into the bathroom, stopping at the wall of steam that greeted him. “What the fuck?”

 

“Kili. Kili, he can’t breath.” Fili’s voice was still scratchy, hurting his throat with every word.

 

Kili came forward, grabbing a towel off of the rack. He unfolded it, bringing it out to full length. He bent over, getting into the spray of water as he wrapped the front part of Frerin in it. He tried to pull Frerin away but Fili wouldn’t let go.

 

“Fili, you’re going to have to let go.”

 

“He can’t breath. He- he-”

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Fili, I’m here, dad’s coming and we’re going to help him okay? But you have to let him go first.”

 

Kili felt his heart clenched at the pitiful look of fear on Fili’s face. The blond slowly let go of him, his hands lingering on Frerin’s back as Kili pulled him out of the shower.

 

“He can’t breath. He can’t breath.”

 

Kili cursed as he supported Frerin’s weight. This wasn’t good, Fili was in shock, Frerin was practically dead weight and sounding like an asthmatic bagpipe with how much noise simply drawing breath was producing.

 

“He’s going to be okay. But I need your help, Fili.” Kili took small steps, unable to go faster from the weight he carried. Plus he needed to coax Fili into moving, to help him work his way through the shock. “Where’s the bedroom? We need to get him into dry clothes.”

 

Fili’s eyes flicked from one corner of the room to the next, water still pouring over him.

 

“Fili!” Blue eyes looked to Kili. “Clothes. He needs dry clothes.”

 

The blond slowly moved out of the shower. With Kili’s encouragement he went ahead of his best friend to the bedroom. Kili barely managed to get Frerin’s shirt off when Bilbo and Thorin arrived. Within seconds the two older men had taken over the situation. Bilbo was going through his bag barking out orders. Thorin, with more strength and control undressed Frerin while Kili went through dressers and closets to find clothing coming up empty.

 

“Where the hell is all of his clothing?!”

 

Fili left the room and brought back Frerin’s bags. Kili gave him a worried look while he unzipped them and dug out fresh clothing. He shoved some at Fili, “Here, change into something dry before you get any more sick.”

 

Bilbo dug out a stethoscope from his bag, pressing it up to Frerin’s chest. He pulled back after a few coughs before pulling out his handkerchief and held it over Frerin’s mouth as more froth was spat up. Kili handed the dry clothes to Thorin who started to pull some pajama pants over Frerin’s legs.

 

“W-what are you doing?” Fili asked, still holding the dry clothing while watching Bilbo look at the phlegm in the handkerchief.

 

“Kili, take Fili out of the room.”

 

“But-”

 

“Now Kili!”

 

The youngest of the group pushed at Fili’s shoulders, guiding him outside the room and shutting the door.

 

“What’s going on? Why do we have to leave?”

 

“Don’t worry.” Kili tugged on the hem of Fili’s shirt. “Dad’s had nursing classes.”

 

“S-since when?” His shirt was pulled off, causing the air to come rushing to his skin instantly cooling it. His body began to shiver.

 

“Since he became an overprotective father. He couldn’t stand half of the doctors and nurses that he would take me to when I got sick as a kid, so he went and got nursing classes to take care of me unless I really needed a doctor.” Kili pulled at Fili’s pants, unbuttoning them. “He wants us out so he can get a better idea of what’s wrong.”

 

He pulled down the zipper. He hooked his thumbs under the hem of Fili’s wet underwear and pushed down relieving him of all clothing. Kili rubbed his warm palms over Fili’s legs, over his hips and around to his butt. He rubbed and kneaded the chilled flesh before bringing his hands up Fili’s back and pulling him into a hug. Not just normal cold would cause the shivers that rattled Fili so deeply. Fili’s usually warm hands were cold to the touch and his pupils were trying to dilate. He was in a pretty bad stage of shock.

 

“It’ll be alright.” Kili said softly. He pulled back and kissed Fili’s lips, not surprised with the lack of response. It wasn’t meant to be intimate, he wanted to show that he was there for Fili. “We’re here.”

 

Fili finally moved. His hand coming up to caress Kili’s cheek. “He-he wasn’t breathing.”

 

“What?” Kili put enough distance between him and Fili in order to take the rumpled clothing out of Fili’s firm grip. He started to work the warm clothes onto his friend who followed his subtle commands.

 

“W-when I… I called Uncle Bill. I-I came back to the kitchen and Frerin wasn’t breathing, he wasn’t breathing.”

 

“What did you do?” Kili pulled some jeans up over Fili’s hips, zipped and buttoned them. He didn’t like talking about this, making Fili remember it and seem like it was a normal conversation to have. He wanted to sit and cuddle Fili until he forgot or pieced himself back together enough to feel better. But he needed Fili to get warm first, or he would risk catching pneumonia.

 

“Put him on the floor, breathed into him until he could cough. I took him to the shower.” He blinked up towards the ceiling, eyes misting. “I don’t want him to leave.”

 

“He won’t leave you, Fili.” Kili ran his fingers through wet hair. Fili was now trembling and holding onto himself, tears glimmered in his eyes.

 

“He said he loved me.” Fili’s voice was hopeless, terrified, and lost all at once.

 

“All the more reason for him to stay.” Kili swallowed. It hurt to see Fili like this. He pulled Fili against his chest rocking him from side to side in a gentle sway. He heard Fili sniffle before coughing. He held tighter when the paramedics came, not willing to let go of Fili, turning him away when they carried Frerin away on a gurney. Bilbo was following, spouting medical terms to the EMTs.

 

That night Fili didn’t sleep.

 

Fili wasn’t sure what to do when Kili and Bilbo finally got him to get some proper rest. He wasn’t sure how to handle the fact that there was no news about Frerin and all his friends did was tell him to take medicine and focus on getting well. Fili started to pace soon as he was well enough. He didn’t stay put in one place, wandering from room to room, looking around as if he didn’t recognize anything. It worried the staff to the point of whispers that something must have affected his brain from his illness because of how strange he was acting. It got so bad that Kili packed a bag and moved into Fili’s home, demanding half of the blond’s bed.

 

At night Kili would have to wrestle Fili under the covers and pin him down for him to be still long enough to sleep for a few hours. His cough came and went and the more sleep he got the lesser it was. When Fili’s illness finally ended, proper color returning to his cheeks, he found himself once more buried inside Kili’s body for comfort.

 

The tug on his cock from the push and pull into Kili’s hole brought little relief beyond the euphoria of sex. Kissing at skin, licking up the spine, only allowed him to forget for a brief moment in time. The sounds Kili made, his moaning as his prostate was pushed, gave Fili something to focus on beyond the automatic feel of a good fuck he knew too well. Fili reached around and took hold of Kili’s weeping cock, pumping it in rhythm with his thrusts until Kili shot spunk all over Fili’s sheets. Then Fili pulled out and sat on the edge of the bed.

 

“Hey,” Kili panted, squirming onto his side. He reached out, running his fingers over Fili’s arm. “You didn’t finish.”

 

“Yeah, I…” Fili didn’t look at Kili. He didn’t want to hurt his friend’s feelings by saying that his mind kept slipping to another brunet. That he was thinking of another man while buried deep in his friend. He swallowed while rubbing his hands together. “I don’t feel up to it.”

 

Kili sighed, running his hand down Fili’s strong back. “Still haven’t heard anything from Frerin?”

 

“You’ve been here, you would know.” Fili’s snipped.

 

“Don’t be an asshole. I’m just asking.” Kili huffed. He let a few seconds go by before bouncing himself up. He grabbed some pants and pulled them on. “If you’re so worried, why don’t you find your balls and call the hospital and ask? Do something first for once. As for me, I’m going to raid your kitchen.”

 

Fili ran his hands through his hair, his dick softening from his lack of arousal. He scratched at his scalp. Kili had a point. He had been waiting for Frerin to call, to tell him that everything was okay. He should be the one to do it. He pushed himself up onto his feet. He was walking across the room to where his phone was charging.

 

There was a gentle knock on his door. He looked over expecting one of the staff not the ever familiar figure of Frerin. His words stuck in his throat as the man, dressed in street clothes stood in the doorway. He took a step forward. He wanted to run to him, scoop him up and hold him close. But the look on Frerin’s face held him at bay, his eyes on the bed that had the wet spots in a room that smelled of sex.

 

“Frerin.” Fili breathed as his mind reeled. Was he just caught cheating? Had he cheated? Why would that even be a question? He wasn’t with Frerin, they were barely getting to know each other when the whole world threw itself upside down.

 

The butler quietly came in, going to Fili’s dresser. “I, um… I was just released from the hospital.” He said as silent as his ghostly walk. His fingers played over the fancy carvings that trimmed the dresser’s rich woody edge. “I got… a few people to thank for saving my life.”

 

He pulled open a drawer and pulled out a pair of pants. He turned and held them out for Fili to come and take from him.

 

“I stopped by Bilbo’s first, since it was on the way here. He told me Kili was here.”

 

“About Kili-” Fili jerked forward wanting to explain.

 

“Don’t worry about it, it’s none of my business.” Frerin smiled, his eyes turned to the floor.

 

Fili’s fingers brushed over Frerin’s, they felt cold. Frerin pulled his hand away quickly. He stepped around the blond and slowly went to the window. His butler started to open it to help air out the room.

 

“Kili was just trying to help me. It doesn’t mean-”

 

“Fili, it’s fine.” Frerin pulled something red out of his pocket. He turned around and leaned against the windowsill. “I’m just here to say thank you for everything you’ve done. For helping me like you did.”

 

Fili’s brows drew together. “I don’t like the way you’re talking.”

 

Frerin shrugged a shoulder. “Some things happened in the hospital.”

 

Fili dropped his pants. “Like what?”

 

Frerin gave a bitter laugh. “Like dying, for one.”

 

“What?” Fili’s body shivered with disbelief.

 

“I was officially dead for three minutes aaaand twenty six seconds. I um… I remember laying there, screaming at the doctors over me.” His eyes kept to the red thing in his hands, his voice turning wistful as he recalled the surreal moment. “I could still feel everything, but it was like… far away. Almost like I was in a dream that was mimicking the waking mind. And all I could do was yell at them, because they were giving up on someone that didn’t want to… to go.” His brows creased, “Funny thing really, the reason why.”

 

Fili felt as if he couldn’t breathe, he sunk down on the edge of the bed. The world was tilting as he took in the information. If it was one thing about Frerin he learned that he never lied. He didn’t like to, he was as honest as the purest being out there.

 

“W-” he cleared his throat. “Why?”

 

“I said I wouldn’t leave you.” Frerin drew in a sharp breath. “Which, uh, made yesterday the best day of my life.” This part was in a very sarcastic tone.

 

Fili felt his eyes sting. Frerin had come back from the dead for him? He shook with frustration, he didn’t understand. Frerin said he loved him but Fili didn’t understand love, nor devotion to the degree that Frerin gave to him. He was getting increasingly angry with himself that he didn’t know how to reciprocate any of this affection. The worst part was that he wanted to. He wanted to do everything to Frerin that Frerin had done for him.

 

“So, yesterday,” Frerin pointed at Fili, a smile quickly flashing over his lips though his eyes were sad. “I was informed that I had a severe case of acute bronchitis as well as walking pneumonia. The doctors said I had them for a while, which, honestly I can remember a little chest discomfort but no coughing before everything happened. So, now, I’ve got permanent lung damage which is why I now have my own pretty inhaler here.” He showed off the red thing in his hand. “I’ve got a ton of lung medication I’ll have to take off and on for the rest of my life. But, I am alive and I’m happy with that.” He nodded to himself. “And I’m happy I get to talk to you this one last time.”

 

“One last time?” Fili shot up to his feet.

 

Frerin licked his lips while nodding. He sniffled. He rapidly blinked trying to keep his tears at bay. “Turns out, you’re mother’s one hell of a bitch.”

 

Fili sucked in a breath. Anger flaring instantly. “What did she do? What did she say to you?”

 

“First off, my hospital bills won’t be covered by the insurance she provided me. Second, I’m no longer f-fit to… to be your personal servant. So I’m fired.”

 

“She fired you?”

 

“Oh it gets better.” He said bitterly. “She also gave me a restraining order that is affective tomorrow, which means I only have today to get my things.”

 

“I-I don’t understand.” Fili stepped up to Frerin, so close that he could easily caress his cheek. “She put you on a restraining order? Why?”

 

“Apparently she likes to protect her ‘assets’ this way, every ex-employee is given a restraining order from all property she owns. Which means I can’t be here any more.” He looked into Fili’s endlessly blue eyes. His former master looked so angry. “I’m not leaving on my own accord. And she may have me banned from her properties but I can still call you, still see you in the city. I’ll call often.”

 

Frerin wrapped his arms around Fili’s shoulders, holding him tight. “I may be leaving this place, but I’m going to stay close by, okay?”

 

Fili grabbed Frerin, clinging onto him with a crushing hug.

 

“Where will you go?” Fili whispered.

 

“I don’t know…”

 

“Let me get you a hotel room until you can find an apartment or something.”

 

Frerin pulled back, his hand coming up to touch Fili’s face but fell short. Fili’s head moved as if to lean into the touch that could have been. Frerin stepped back and smiled.

 

“I’ll be alright on my own. Mama didn’t raise a fool.”

 

The ex-butler started to go around Fili to leave the room.

 

“Frerin?”

 

“Yeah?” Frerin stopped at the door way.

 

Fili squeezed his eyes shut, not willing to turn around as tears slipped free. He was surprised he was able to keep his voice steady. “Pick up every phone call I give you, okay?”

 

“As you wish… master Fili.”

 

“And if you need anything you call me… even if it’s bus fare.”

 

Frerin smiled even though Fili couldn’t see it, but he felt it in the words, caressing his hurting heart. “I promise.”

 

Then he was gone, leaving to take his things to live on the streets. And all Fili could do was cry. He was so angry with his mother that he could kill her! Firing Frerin because he got sick?! Preventing him from coming home?! What was wrong with her?!! Frerin belonged there, with Fili!... with the man that had fallen in love with him unwittingly.

 

“Fili?”

 

Fili sniffled, turning to the sound of Kili’s voice. The brunet stood behind him with a small plate with a sandwich on it. One of his cheeks was stuffed with a bite. “You okay? Did you call the hospital?”

 

Fili looked to the floor where the clean pants were laying. Frerin had handed him those… He looked around the room. Something sparked deep in the darkness that held his heart. He drew in a breath. Frerin had just been there and he let him just walk out. He had said before that he wouldn’t let Frerin go, yet he was going to do it now? Now when he realized he needed him right there, beside him, see him every day, hear him, feel him… to hear him humming “To Kill Your Heroes.”

 

Fili grabbed the pants. He nearly fell when putting them on.

 

“I need to go!” He grabbed a random shirt and shoved it on.

 

“Go where?”

 

“To kill my heroes!”

 

Fili ran out of the room like a racehorse out of the gate. Kili slowly chewed his sandwich, pretty sure that Fili was having some sort of mental breakdown. He wasn’t sure if he should follow or finish his sandwich first. He decided to finish his sandwich, after all, if Fili fucked up real bad he would be the first to hear about it.

 

_Well I met an old man dying on a train,_

_No more destination no more pain._

 

Fili ran out of the house, pulling on one shoe as he hopped. His coat dangled from one arm.

 

_Well, he said_

_"One thing before I graduate_

_Never let your fear decide your fate."_

 

He saw Frerin’s head down the hill. For a guy with damaged lungs he could still make some good distance.

 

“FRERIN!!” He shouted as loudly as he could.

 

_I say ya kill your heroes and_

_Fly, fly, baby don't cry._

_No need to worry cause_

_Everybody will die._

 

Kili heard the sound from the open window. He looked out seeing Fili running as fast as he could towards someone that looked a lot like Frerin. Kili looked around and found his phone. He unlocked it and set it to the camera option, slipping into video and hitting record.

 

_Every day we just_

_Go, go, baby don't go._

_Don't you worry we_

_Love you more than you know._

Frerin stopped. He turned around seeing Fili running towards him. His heart began to flutter, his stomach squeezing tight.

 

“Fili, what are you doing?”

 

Fili grabbed Frerin’s arms. “I love you.”

 

_Well, the sun one day will_

_Leave us all behind._

_Unexplainable sightings in the sky._

 

Hazel eyes opened wide. Fili’s hands slid down Frerin’s arms, gathering up his hands. “You-you always have been there for me, since you came into my life. You refused to leave and I refused to let you go last time. I refuse to let you go this time. Last time you told me you loved me, let me- let me love you back.”

 

“You don’t have to do this. Just because I told you I love you doesn’t mean you have to love me back.”

 

_Well, I hate to be_

_The one to ruin the night._

_Right before your, right before your eyes._

 

“It’s not that, I mean, I thought it was that but it’s not that. I memorized your eye color before I made you wear contacts, I couldn’t stand the way you looked at me because it made me feel warm inside and I wasn’t used to it. I made you bleach your hair because I wanted to touch your hair. I didn’t want you to talk to me because your voice is- it’s comforting. Kili made a bet with me to be your friend because I couldn’t own up to the fact I was falling for you!” Fili reached up and touched Frerin’s ear, he traced the small scar left by the cup Fili had thrown at him. “I couldn’t stand hurting you and when you were spending time with Thorin I was jealous as hell and I still fucking am but when you said you loved me… when you touch me… everything changes.”

 

_Well, I met an old man dying on a train._

_No more destination, No more pain._

_Well he said_

_"One thing, before I graduate_

_Never let your fear decide your fate."_

 

“And when you got sick, I have never been so scared in my life. From what Uncle Bilbo has told me about romance and love this is all of it! Kili told me to do something first for once. So this is me, doing just that.”

 

“W-wwookay?” Frerin looked happy and confused at the same time. “So… what now?”

 

“I go with you.” Fili kissed Frerin’s knuckles. “Where you go, I go.”

 

“We’re probably going to regret this in a week,” Frerin smiled. He gave a little laugh, “But, we’ll give this a try.”

 

Fili pulled Frerin close, sealing their lips together in a passionate kiss.

 

Back in the house, Kili was capturing a good video, though he couldn’t hear a thing. He smiled and hit the stop button. He started to email it his father and Thorin with the caption of, “finally.”

 

He sat on the windowsill, watching the couple below. It was about time Fili started to show what he could be, more so, the idiots deserved to be happy.

 

 


	9. A Night Together

Bilbo Baggins was a reasonable man. He was a kind man, but he knew when to put his kindness to the side and sharpen his tongue for lashing. He was worldly with the right amount of depravity that made him a humble man that knew how to take a good joke. He thought on his toes and reacted appropriately to any and all situations. So when he got the video from his son he could only smile and lean back in his comfortable work chair. He watched it from beginning to end, repeating it a few times watching from the shaky angle with how Fili kissed Frerin’s hands, how their kiss was tender and intimate. It was more satisfying to watch than the climax of a romance movie.

 

“Aren’t they the sweetest thing to see?” Bilbo said to the man that was still going through papers beside him.

 

Thorin was going through the sheets trying to find one he had lost, not paying attention at all. “Yes, yes.”

 

“You’re not even looking!”

 

Thorin sighed with a groan. “Very well, what is it?” He looked up to the video that was playing on Bilbo’s phone.

 

There was no sound which Bilbo took advantage of by making his voice overly girly and overly macho in intervals.

 

“Oh, Fili you came after me~ I’m sorry I was dumb as a rock, I totally want to blow your mind with confessing my love for you, Frerin. Oh, you’re totally blowing it right out of the water! Come here and kiss me, mwah, mwah!”

 

Thorin stared at Bilbo who only cackled like a school boy. His expression was deadpan as he let his employer have his laugh. He had other concerns. Unlike Bilbo, Thorin had been told about Frerin’s predicament. A restraining order from all of Dis’ properties was much more serious than people thought. She co-owned almost every business in the city. Most of the hotels, grocery stores, her standing with mortgage companies was terrifying making it so that a good chunk of apartment complexes and even homes had her name stamped on the deeds and contracts until all debts were paid. She made it efficient to run someone out of town with a little restraining order. Frerin had no where to go except for the crime riddled bad parts of town and that was only because Dis viewed the area with drug dealings and escalated gun crimes beneath her. He was currently going through the different land deeds to see where he might be able to send his best friend, but so far the only thing he could find that was anything near his scrutinizing approval was a church.

 

He pushed himself from his chair giving a frustrated, “If you would excuse me.”

 

Bilbo went quiet watching Thorin leave before he shrugged and went back to looking at the video. After another watch he sent his son a text of suggesting putting up hidden cameras throughout Fili’s mansion so that Bilbo had something better to watch than what was on cable TV.

 

He frowned when he got a reply on how Fili had come back to pack a bag and take Frerin to a hotel for the night. He cocked his head to the side in curiosity. Why go somewhere else when they could just be happy at Fili’s manor?

 

WHAT’S GOING ON?, he typed out.

 

He drummed his fingers on his leg as he waited for the reply.

 

NOT SURE, WON’T SAY. THINK THEY ARE ELOPING.

 

TAIL THEM!!!! GET PICTURES AND VIDEOS! I NEED AN ABLUM’S WORTH BEFORE THEY REALIZE WHAT’S GOING ON.

 

WHO DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?

 

I RAISED YOU SO RIGHT.

  
  


*         *        *

 

Fili pushed Frerin against the door, forcing it shut. He had only looked in the hotel room long enough to locate the bed before turning on the man he desired. His lips sought out Frerin’s, his hand tilted to the side, slipping the strap of some bags off of his own shoulder. they fell to the floor with a heavy thud, ignored for the favor of slow licks to a sweet tongue. His skin prickled from the shy touches that slid up his arms to another strap of a duffle bag. Frerin pulled on it, letting it fall as he pressed up to the blond.

 

He pulled back, already red in the cheeks and wanting more. His blue eyes trailed over Frerin’s handsome features, watching him pant. He swallowed, worried about damaged lungs. Fili’s fingers trailed the hem of the ex-servant’s pants brushing over the material of the tucked in shirt. He could taste the brunet’s breath as he ghosted the tip of his nose along side Frerin’s.

 

“I-is this okay?” Fili’s fingers twitched. He wanted to touch more, taste more, -do- more.

 

Frerin’s mouth connected with his, sucking softly at the blond’s bottom lip. With trembling fingers he took Fili’s hand. The pad of his thumb rubbed over Fili’s wrist, down to the meat of his palm. With a nervous shiver he pressed Fili’s hand to his crotch for his former master to feel his hardening cock. Fili’s hand flexed, feeling out the roundness, judging how hard it was. He slowly slid his hand down pulling out a shuddering moan from the other.

 

“Nervous?” Fili whispered with a touch of amusement.

 

A tantalizing tongue poked out between delicious lips. “A-uh, a little.” Fili rubbed his hand up, putting on a little more pressure making Frerin close his eyes and draw in a pleased gasp.

 

“Why?” Fili’s worked up to play at the button and zipper of Frerin’s pants. He could feel his own cock hard in his pants, straining and wanting to get on with things but he was determined to enjoy every moment of this. To soak in the shy movements, the blushing cheeks and nervous ticks and sounds. He wanted to remember this so well that when conjured up once more in the future it would make him feel the butterflies in his own stomach, feel the warmth that was growing inside around his heart where all he felt was coldness before.

 

“Never,” Frerin’s calm eyes roamed over Fili’s stunning face. “b-been with a… a man before. And, and I know from having to watch you with Kili what to do but…”

 

“I’m sorry I did that to you.” Fili slipped a hand over Frerin’s cheek, feeling a swell of guilt.

 

Dark bangs fell over eyes as Frerin shook his head. Fili brushed the long bangs back.

 

“Don’t worry about that. What I’m worried about is… is um…”

 

“What?” Fili tilted his head to the side. He closed his eyes and bit his lip when Frerin’s knuckles brushed against his straining cock. A shock of pleasure ripped up from his groin through his spine to his lungs making him hold his breath.

 

“I don’t know how it feels to have something like this in me.”

 

Fili had to suppress a moan. He swallowed a few times, pushing himself to think through the lust that was raging through him. When he found his voice it was slow and paced. “...do you think you are up to it?”

 

To answer, Frerin slipped down to his knees. Fili pressed his hands against the door as he watched his ex-butler work open his belt, then pants. He swallowed as Frerin nervously pushed down Fili’s pants down enough for him to fish out a straining, hard, dick. The tip was starting to purple with need. The blond bit his lip, holding back a shout when clumsy lips slowly kissed the leaking tip. He trembled, panting as his knees became weak. Frerin’s tongue slipped under the folds of the foreskin, swiping around the whole head of the mushroomed tip.

 

Fili’s fingers clawed at the door as he tried his hardest not to buck into Frerin’s mouth. Frerin’s lips latched on, his fingers going to Fili’s shoe laces. He tugged on them, untying them while drooling and suckling on Fili’s tip.

 

“Fucking hell,” Fili groaned, quickly shoving a fist to his mouth. He bit on a knuckle, fighting to stay standing.

 

Frerin let go, saliva connecting Fili’s straining cock to Frerin’s bottom lip. “Am, am I doing it wrong? I mean, I know what I like but I’ve never done this to someone else and-”

 

“Shut the fuck up.” Fili grabbed Frerin’s shoulders and yanked him up. He crashed their lips together. He grabbed Frerin’s pants, unable to control himself any more. He unbuttoned and unzipped, yanked and pushed until he could rub their cocks together.

 

Frerin gasped, breaking the kiss. His hands flying up and grasping at Fili’s shoulders. Fili grabbed handfuls of ass, pulling Frerin as close as he could,  he moaned against the man’s neck. Pleasure ripped through him as he dry humped against the body against him.

 

“M-master Fili, I-” The “master” slipped out upon instinct from having addressed the blond as such for so long. It only seemed to fuel the growing fire.

 

Fili grabbed Frerin, bringing him over with staggering steps with his pants around his knees. He pushed Frerin’s shoulders down over the bed,chest down, presenting his ass. He only stopped long enough to grab at one of the bags, where he knew he packed some lube when he had gone back and grabbed some of his own clothing.

 

“Fili?” Frerin pushed himself up to his hands.

 

“Don’t move.” Fili said sternly as he toed off his shoes. He was pulling off his shirt when he said it softer. “Please don’t move, you look so good like that.”

 

Frerin’s skipping heart only fluttered more. He licked his lips watching Fili undress completely from over his shoulder. He whimpered, raising up his hips enough to reach between his body and the bed. He wrapped his hand around his hurting cock. Fili moaned watching, his cock twitching. He watched Frerin jerk himself off, head bowing down, his twitching pucker in perfect view for Fili.

 

Fili popped the top of the lube, squirting a generous amount onto his fingers. He slicked himself first, giving a few pumps while watching the show in front of him. Fili stepped up behind Frerin, his slicked hand ghosting over Frerin’s balls pulling out the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. He took over pumping Frerin’s cock making the man cry out with delicious shivers.  He knelt down, shoving his face in between Frerin’s ass cheeks. He licked at the fluttering hole while pumping Frerin’s cock.

 

Frerin grabbed fistfuls of the cover blankets, pawing at them as he felt his former master eat at him, soft tongue probing him while his skilled hands massaged and pulled at his dick.

 

“P-please,” Frerin couldn’t breathe, forcing him to short and shallow gasps.

 

Fili gently bit Frerin’s butt. “Please, what?”

 

“Need to- need-”

 

Fili leaned over Frerin’s body giving him a break from the onslaught of pleasure he was giving. He listened to the ragged breathing, his clean hand searched through Frerin’s pockets for his inhaler. He pulled it out and put it next for Frerin’s hand. “Do you need this?”

 

Frerin shook his head, he pushed his hips back feeling Fili’s slick cock rub against a butt cheek. Fili smiled. “Do you need to cum?”

 

Frerin nodded fervently.

 

Fili took hold of his cock and rubbed the tip around Frerin’s entrance, massaging the muscle with slight pressure that threatened penetration. “Do you need this, Frerin?” He shoved his hand up under Frerin’s shirt and jacket that were still on. He dragged his hand down the skin feeling small bumps around the shoulders and a few lower. “Would you like my cock in you?”

 

Another nod.

 

“Don’t say much during sex, do you?” Fili kissed behind Frerin’s ear pulling out a helpless mewl. He whispered, “Say something.” He moved back so he could push two slicked fingers into Frerin’s entrance.

 

“FUCK!”

 

Fili’s eyes widened at the sound but mostly from the fact that the simple penetration of fingers had made Frerin shoot a load of cum on the bed. Curiously, he rocked his fingers, scissoring in intervals to help stretch. Frerin raised his hips up higher, standing himself up onto his tip toes to get more of Fili’s fingers into him. Fili watched in wonderment as he slipped another finger inside and angled his hand to dig around and find the prostate.

 

“I haven’t seen someone so cock hungry since Kili hit puberty.” Fili mumbled, nearly drooling on himself.

 

He found the prostate making Frerin writhe and cry making Fili’s own cock hurt from neglect.

 

“Master Fili, please! Please, please, please.” Frerin was constantly shivering now, his cheek pressed against the rumpled bed covers.

 

Fili pulled out his fingers, he grabbed at Frerin’s clothing, roughly pulling everything off. He couldn’t stand it any more, he needed to feel skin on skin, all of it, every bit of it! Once Frerin was liberated of his clothes he climbed fully onto the bed, sitting with his legs open. He reached forward, wrapping his hands around Fili’s head, pulling at him, encouraging Fili to crawl over him. Frerin’s mouth kissed along Fili’s jaw and mouth.

 

“Fuck me,” he begged between kisses. “please, master Fili. Please.”

 

Fili grabbed his cock, lined himself up and pushed into Frerin’s prepped pucker. He pushed in, inch by inch until fully seated between legs that wrapped around his waist and held him in close. Fili laid on Frerin, this feeling, it was pure euphoria. It was better than being with any date he had in the past, better than nights entwined with Kili. Lips kissed at his shoulder and sucked on his neck, hands roamed over his body not asking him to move any time soon and he knew then that Frerin was basking in the same feeling.

 

“Love you.” Fili felt the words against his skin more than he heard them. “I love you.”

 

Fili raised himself up onto his elbows, bracketing Frerin. He looked down at those beautiful eyes, buried in the most welcoming body, smelling the mixture of sex and sweat. A hand slid from his shoulder, up his neck and over his cheek. Frerin looked at him with all seriousness.

 

“I love you.”

 

Blue eyes closed, he leaned into the touch. The last of the cold bite of the beast of reality left him, warmth filled around his heart. The darkness inside he had always had was lightening. He adjusted his position, grabbing Frerin’s wrist. He kissed at palm and wrist, feeling his eyes heat and prickle.

 

“I love you too. I love you.” He repeated it even as he began to rock his hips making the man he loved cry out, clinging onto him with one hand while chanting Fili’s name.

 

Fili kissed and sucked at Frerin’s body. The push and pull of his hips was long and gentle. He prolonged this, waiting until his muscles were sore and his cock couldn’t stand it any longer. He worked Frerin until he couldn’t breathe, letting him have a moment to suck on his inhaler while worshiping his body.

 

He moved Frerin’s legs letting him sit back. He gazed down at the handsome body. He took hold of Frerin’s thighs. Before he started to pound into him with all that he had left, before he felt his lover arch off of the bed, before the screams of pure ecstasy as creamy loops of cum splashed up onto chest and chin, before all of that, Fili knew he was going to have the best orgasim in his life. And when he heard that scream, felt the arching, watched the seed splash on skin, he filled Frerin’s body until he was completely drained, he found he had been right.

 

He didn’t remember coming down from his high, didn’t remember falling asleep holding onto Frerin, his cock still inside the man’s body. He did remember the feeling of pure warmth. He remembered feeling gentle stroking to his hair, feeling kisses pepper his face before he fell asleep.

 

When he woke it was to being clean and tucked under the blankets obviously taken care of by his… What was Frerin to him now? He wasn’t a servant any more. He didn’t want Frerin to be just a lover either. Boyfriend? He looked over to the man beside him. Frerin was fast asleep, content, safe, and warm. He smiled a little, content with the idea of going steady for once, but more so with going steady with Frerin.

 

Yeah, Frerin was his boyfriend now. He kind of liked the idea of that.

 

He would have cuddled closer and snuggled back down for sleep if it wasn’t for the fact he needed to pee. He carefully slid out from between the covers. He looked around finding two closets and then found the bathroom.  He flipped on the light, he stopped and looked at his figure seeing the different hickies and bruises left behind by gripping fingers. He found that he liked them.

 

He was in the middle of doing his business when there was a knock on the door to their hotel room. He sighed as he continued to empty his bladder, the people would have to wait.

 

There was a harder knock and he cursed under his breath. Whoever it was, was going to wake Frerin.

 

“Mr. Durin, please open the door!” The shout was pretty loud.

 

“Ju-just a moment!” He heard Frerin reply in a drowsy voice.

 

Fili quickly finished, he was thankful for the automatic flush as he hurried out in time to see Frerin pulling a black long sleeved shirt over his head. As he pulled down the hem he grabbed some pants and tossed it to Fili for him to get covered. He quickly pulled it on before Frerin opened the door to reveal the hotel manager and a couple security guards.

 

“May I help you?” Frerin stood firm while Fili came up behind him.

 

The manager looked straight at Frerin. “I am sorry, sir, but you must leave the premises.”

 

“Excuse me?” Fili put a hand on Frerin’s shoulder, pulling him away from the people who wanted to eject him from the room. “We paid for this room for the night.”

 

“I know, Mr. Durin and you, yourself, may complete your stay, but…” the manager didn’t look apologetic as he pulled up a print out of Frerin’s picture as well as a copy of the restraining order. “It was to take effect at midnight.”

 

Fili looked over to the clock on the wall. It was 1am. He shook his head, “No, it’s too cold out there-”

 

“It is issued by the owner of the hotel, I have no choice.”

 

“He’s not going anywhere and I’m a primary shareholder, you’re not throwing him out!”

 

“Fili,” Frerin touched Fili’s back. “It’s okay.”

 

“No, it’s not” Fili looked at Frerin then back at the hotel manager. “We’re staying until morning.”

 

“I’m sorry, being a shareholder does not give you a say in the rules.”

 

“You fucking-” Fili moved forward. The security guards came towards Fili.

 

Frerin quickly grabbed Fili and pulled him back. He looked straight at the manager, “Give us a moment to pack our things.” He threw the door shut before the man could say anything.

 

“We’re not packing anything.” Fili growled.

 

“We are packing and we’re leaving or we’re going to be forced out.” Frerin hissed.

 

“It’s too damn cold out there for you! I’m not going to let you get sick again. I can’t-” He cupped Frerin’s face. Remembering the terror and fear of nearly losing the brunet. He pressed his forehead against Frerin’s. “Never again, do you understand me?”

 

“You won’t. But we can’t stay…”

 

Fili growled pushing away from Frerin, he grabbed clothes, putting them on and his shoes. He glared at the floor, packing what little was out of the bag. All he could think of was how he heartless his mother was. Throwing people out at midnight. MIDNIGHT!

 

He felt the bed dip as Frerin sat next to him. There was a knock on the door to hurry them up. “I got my inhaler…” Frerin said quietly. “You got everything else... We should go.”

 

Fili nodded. He got up, slinging the heavy bags over his shoulders. Frerin took one to lighten the load. He opened the door hissing at the security guards and manager, “You won’t touch either of us.”

 

He reached back, lacing his fingers with Frerin’s, pulling him along. Soon they were standing out in the bitter night air under buzzing lights. It was quiet and black outside of the light. He glared out into that darkness, daring it to try to come and bite at them. He didn’t look over at Frerin as he squeezed the man’s hand. He could see him through the corner of his eye, adjusting a scarf around his neck and mouth one handed. It angered him that this was happening, but it angered him more that Frerin seemed… okay with it.

 

“What the hell do we do now?” Fili grumbled going through his mind, trying to remember any place in the city that would be open at this time that didn’t have his family’s damn company name attached to it.

 

“Good question.”

 

“You know, you could be more pissed off about this!” Fili pulled his hand from Frerin, turning on the man. He was angry at the situation, his tongue lashing out without thought. “Why are you just standing there and perfectly happy to be thrown out on your ear like a drunkard at a late night bar?! Do you not get what is going on, stupid?!”

 

“What did you just call me?” Frerin bristled.

 

“Obviously you don’t get the gravity of the situation!”

 

“Oh I get it alright! I just don’t see the point in throwing myself at a brick wall until I’m broken!! I rather fucking think things through, Fili!! That does -not- make me stupid!!”

 

Fili bit the inside of his cheek. He shouldn’t have said that.

 

Frerin snorted and shook his head in disbelief and disgust. “Unbelievable. Not even one full day together.”

 

“I’m sorry, I-”

 

“Then stop doing it! Stupid!”

 

Fili flinched. That did hurt, taking his own medicine. He quickly grabbed Frerin’s hand for comfort, something inside of him scared that the brunet would walk away from him at any moment.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Frerin glared at him, coughing into his scarf. “You better be. Call me crazy, but I kind of believe that people are on equal footing when in a relationship.” He croaked before digging through his pockets for his inhaler. He took in a puff.

 

“You’re right.” Fili squeezed Frerin’s hand. He kept the sting of words close, he had to learn from them. He wasn’t a rich boy any more, he was this man’s partner. At least, as long as he was willing to keep it that way. He needed to curb his temper, needed to think things through before saying something, before acting out.

 

Frerin coughed again sending a jolt of fear through the blond. “Let’s, let’s find a place outside of the cold.”

 

Frerin nodded, he pressed his hand against his chest, a few fingers kept wrapped around his inhaler the others rubbed at his chest trying to will away the growing pain. Fili pulled Frerin along into the dark of the night. He would find a place for Frerin to be warm in even if he had to light a building on fire to do it.

 

 


	10. Taking Matters Into Your Own Hands

Fili’s eyes traced over the bare skin of Frerin’s back. His fingernails glided over skin, stopping to probe around the different dark spots of moles on his lover’s back. The first time they had sex he had not paid attention to anything but the feel of the bumps. They were few, one had turned hard on Frerin’s right shoulder, the others were soft puckers that were nothing more than raised freckles. His favorite one was on the nape of his boyfriend’s neck. He could imagine that it had once been aligned perfectly in the middle and migrated to the right through age.

 

He closed his eyes, sliding across the few inches that separated their bodies. The rickety motel bed squealed in protest which disturbed Frerin’s sleep enough for him to take in a long breath before letting out a ragged cough in his slumber.

 

“Get better.” Fili whispered as he wrapped his arms around his lover, pressing his cheek against shoulder. “I won’t lose you.”

 

It had been three days since they had to leave the hotel. They had to move from place to place until they found somewhere that had a room they could get. The motel was mostly filled with shady people that dealt drugs or took them, prostitutes with yellowed teeth, thieves that tried to break into every room in the complex and a few that were honest people but down on their luck. He hated their situation, he wanted to go home where he could lavish Frerin with everything he deserved but he knew that his staff would report Frerin’s presence, which would ultimately end with Dis calling the police and have his boyfriend thrown into jail. He was scared to go to Kili because Dis partially owned even Bilbo’s properties and Fili knew that some of their staff were only there to keep an eye on Bilbo and Kili for any leverage Dis could use against them so she could take Shire Petrol completely for her own and leave them in the dust. What more could Fili do than keep to Frerin’s side? Yesterday he had left and went home to look at records of deeds to find a place he could go but the list was long and he refused to leave Frerin alone in a place like this soon as it got dark.

 

He had a scare when he returned, Frerin had been locked out of the room when he had tried to get some things for them to eat. The people at the office refused to let him in because he didn’t have his ID on him and Frerin had been left out in the cold for hours. Fili had flipped out on them, threatened to call the police for reckless endangerment and even went as far as to accuse them of attempted murder by neglect. He had been so angry that he almost had the police called on himself. If it wasn’t for the fact that his worry for his lover was greater than his own anger he would probably be in a cell, cooling his heels. As it was, he returned to Frerin sitting in front of the small space heater that barely kept the drafts at bay in their room. He had a cup of lukewarm tea in his hands having to use the tap water from the bathroom.

 

Fili had gone out and gotten a second space heater, one that they owned and not the motel. He got a proper electric tea kettle as well as any kind of medicine he could find for chest relief and colds just in case. When he got back he endlessly fussed, worried with each whistling breath.

 

Frerin heaved a breath, his muscles bunching before launching into a coughing fight that had him curling up onto himself. Fili sat up, he reached over his boyfriend, snatching up his inhaler from the bedside table. He shook it and pushed the mouth of it past Frerin’s lips. He gave a few puffs, trembling hands coming over his. He moved with Frerin when the man pushed himself up enough to lean over the bed and cough out a thick wad of something onto the floor. He rubbed at Frerin’s back letting him cough and spit until the man was spent. Frerin’s whole body trembled as he laid back down with an aching whimper.

 

Fili pressed the inhaler into Frerin’s hand before getting up to get a rag out of the bathroom and clean the phlegm off of the floor. He looked at the yellowed goop that sat in a frothy white mess. He didn’t bother cleaning it, just throw the rag next to it.

 

He started up some hot water in the kettle. He got dressed as it boiled, pulled out the clothes from the drawers and stuffed them into their bags. When the kettle clicked off he grabbed some chest cold medicine from the bathroom. He mixed it into a mug of the scalding water, his mind blank as the only sound in the room that he could register was the clink of the spoon against the mug. The sounds of people arguing in the room below as already raising for the day, the rushing of tires on wet roads from the traffic outside, slamming of doors and heavy steps as people started to get active for the day, he didn’t hear any of it.

 

He came over to his boyfriend, sitting down beside him.

 

“Can you sit up?” He asked softly.

 

Frerin had been already falling back to sleep, his chest quivering with each heavy breathe. Fili ran a hand over Frerin’s chest, rubbing gently.

 

“Frerin.”

 

“Mm?”

 

“I need you to sit up.”

 

It took a while but the man started to move, pushing himself up onto an elbow. Fili pushed at him until he was fully sitting. He held him up bringing the mug up to his lips. “I need you to drink this.”

 

“Can’t I just sleep?”

 

Fili had to take a moment before he could trust himself to speak. He forced his voice to sound happier than he was. “Yeah, you, uh, you can sleep all you want, but you need to drink this for me first.”

 

It was slow going, the medicine had gone cold by the time Frerin managed to drink half of it. By the time he was done, Frerin was a bit more awake. He only had enough energy to scoot himself back to rest against the wall the bed had been pressed against. Fili had gotten him dressed, climbed onto the bed and held him close afterwards. The brunet wasn’t awake long, illness taking its toll on him quickly.

 

Fili called a cab, as he waited he packed some bags. When the cab came stopped when passing by the bed. He leaned down and kissed Frerin’s head. He picked up the bags and left.

 

When Frerin woke up it was night, the room was terribly cold. He huddled under the blankets, peering at the clock. It was ten pm. He pulled the blankets tighter around him, feeling better than he had last night.

 

“Fi-” his throat croaked forcing him to clear it. “Fili?”

 

He stepped out of the bed, pulling the blankets with him. The only light in the room was the glowing coils of one heater. He dipped down, picking up the one that the motel had provided. He tapped at it, turned it off and on, unplugged and plugged by it back in. It wouldn’t work. It had to be burnt out. He sighed and turned up the one remaining heater.

 

He went into the bathroom, finding some more medicine, he could barely remember it was the kind that dissolved in hot water. He pulled out the different things of medicine looking for an open box. Whichever one of these that Fili used helped a great deal in relieving the pain. When he found the right one he clutched it victoriously, going back to the small room that held only a bed, table, and a dresser. He turned on the kettle, mixed up his medicine and while he sipped it he opened the curtain. He sat on the edge of the bed in the strange silence.

 

He happily waited for Fili to come back not knowing Fili had packed his bags. He watched the world outside the window lit with only one dingy street lamp that showed where to turn in to get to the the motel’s parking lot. Thick flakes of snow drifted down and Frerin smiled. He always did enjoy snow, the quiet peace it always brought. He sipped on his medicine. He was looking forward to seeing Fili walk in, snow flakes in his hair, stomping his feet to get snow off of his shoes. He found himself bashfully blushing over the idea of cuddling close to his lover, warm drinks in hand as the world slept outside.

 

It was getting very late, Frerin’s worry clutched at his chest making it even harder to breathe than before. He had taken his different breathing medications, had another cup of cold medicine. He had found Fili’s things gone which left him with a sadness deep inside. He didn’t want this to be what he looked like, that Fili would leave him after saying what he said, doing what they have done. He had to have hope, he had to have faith, though that in itself was hard for him to conjure up.

 

He had been preparing a cup of soup in the microwave when there was a knock on his door. It was still dreadfully dark even though the clock flashed the numbers of seven am at him. He opened the door a crack, blue eyes peered back at him.

 

“Thorin?” Frerin opened the door.

 

The tall man smiled, though his face gave away that he was tired. He opened the door and stepped back to let his friend in.

 

“It was hard finding you.” He stepped in, shaking his coat from the new winter snow that was already several inches deep outside.

 

“Did Fili send you?”

 

“Fili? No. I figured he was here with you.” Thorin’s brows drew together in concern.

 

“I see.” Frerin went back to the microwave when it beeped. He carefully pulled out the hot cup of soup.

 

“I’ve been trying to call you.”

 

“Dis had my phone taken away by one of the servants at Fili’s place. The servant stated that it was property of my employer so I had to hand it over.”

 

“And Fili?”

 

Frerin shrugged.

 

“Was he here with you?”

 

Frerin sat down on the bed, his back to Thorin. He only sipped at the soup, not trusting himself to speak just yet.

 

Thorin rounded the bed, sitting down heavily next to the sickly man. “You sound terrible. Do you have medicine?”

 

Frerin nodded.

 

“That’s good…” He looked around the dirty room, the paint on the walls faded and cracked. The carpet looked as if it had been worn down to bare threads, he could see that the bathroom was the size of a closet. He reached over, running a hand over Frerin’s back in soothing circles when the man broke out into a fit of coughs. It was cold in here, dark as well.

 

“I came to talk to you.”

 

“About what?” Frerin’s voice scraped out.

 

“I found a few places that you can stay that Dis can’t touch you. Places much better than this. Bilbo found out what happened with you and I have to say it was gratifying to see him lose his temper for once, though a chair thrown through a window was a little over the top… I was hoping that Fili would be here to, send word to Kili who’s almost given himself an ulcer from worrying over him. Do you know where Fili went?”

 

Frerin shook his head falling silent.

 

“How long has he been gone?”

 

“Since yesterday.”

 

“Did he leave a note?”

 

“No! He gave me some medicine then packed his things and left, okay?! I have no idea where he is! I have… I have no idea what to even think. He leaves medicine and took care of me and then leaves?”

 

“Fili’s not used to being around people.” Thorin tried to sound sympathetic. “He’s not a bad guy.”

 

“I know he’s not.” Frerin rubbed at his aching head, feeling tired, sick, and alone. “How… how am I to even process that kind of behavior?”

 

“I suppose you just need to have faith in him.”

 

Frerin scoffed. “Faith? Faith gets you no where.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Frerin looked Thorin dead in the eye. “Because god will fuck you over like a prison warden at any chance he gets.”

 

Blue eyes widened in surprise. That, had a story behind it. He watched Frerin start to tremble, his anger giving away to grief. Large tears formed in his eyes.

 

“Frerin?”

 

The cup of soup fell to the floor, the man slowly buried his face into his hands as he cried. Thorin wrapped an arm around Frerin’s shoulders trying to lend what little comfort he could.

 

*             *             *

 

Dis stared at her son, drumming her red painted nails on her desk. He really had grown up to look just like his father with stunning looks that made any woman wet between the legs. She frowned at him wondering how he even found where she had been. He was tight lipped and wouldn’t say much beyond the fact that he wanted the restraining order against his old butler lifted. When asked why he only stared her down. It didn’t help that Bilbo had been there a few days prior to tongue lash her, threatening to even expose some of her dirty little secrets to damage her reputation. Bilbo had made sure to keep evidence of her neglect towards her son, how she used him for her own gain. He even had evidence of her many lovers that she kept to the side as fuck toys whenever she felt a stirring in her loins. But the funnest thing he had was the facts that he could prove in her political dabblings that was damn her career and every politician she had in her pocket. Bilbo was one hell of a bastard when he wanted to be and he was giving her only one full day to make up her mind as what to do. Then her son showed up.

 

“Fili,” she leaned back in her chair, crossing her legs. “It is for your own good that he keeps away.”

 

“It’s for my own good that he stays with me, your own words when you first hired him.” Fili stood with his shoulders squared off, his chin held high as he looked out the tall window that looked down to the rest of the building that crawled with strange people.

 

“I hired him to do a job. If he can’t physically handle it any longer than there is no use for him.”

 

“No use for him?” Fili turned on his mother, glaring. “He’s done for me in little under two years than you have your whole life.”

 

“Now don’t you-”

 

“State the truth?” Fili snorted. “Save your words for someone who gives a shit, mother. I want Frerin’s restraining order lifted, I want you to give him a severance pay that will settle him for life.”

 

“And why would I do that? Because you’ve been fucking a new toy?”

 

“Because if you don’t I’ll remove myself from the company. As a primary shareholder it is within my right to sell these shares, but in the contract you had me sign when I came of working age I can pull those shares away from the main company, I can use them as building blocks to create my own.”

 

Dis snorted sending black locks of hair over her cheeks. “You wouldn’t dare, and even if you did it would fail. You don’t know the first thing about business.”

 

“You have not seen me since I was ten, mother, don’t assume you know me.” He dug out a cell phone from his pocket, he held it up for her to see. “All I have to do is press this button, right here and the lawyers I have hired yesterday will set to work on creating Blue Mountain Inc. It will take some work over time, but I was assured it would all be done within three years. Rather record time for something like this. I have already settled that the land my home is on is no longer under your name, I own it as of this morning. I had eliminated all contracts for the servants you have hired and gave them severance pay so they can find a new job without suffering. As you can see, mother, I’m nothing like you. That includes business, but I do know your tricks and if you try anything, I’ll burying so far under not even a priest will be able to save you.”

 

“You little bastard.” She shook with anger.

 

“You have less than a minute to decide, Dis.”

 

“Is he really worth all of this? Is having your dick that crack whore’s son that important?”

 

“Wrong thing to say.” Fili pushed the button, sending the email okaying to process.

 

“FILI!” Dis shot to her feet.

 

“I’ll inform uncle Bill on your decision. It will be enjoyable to see what he’ll come up with to get back at you for hurting one of his friends.”

 

“I’ll do it, I’ll lift the restraining order. Tell your lawyers this was a mistake!”

 

“Lift if first,” Fili adjusted the coat he had draped over his arm. “Then I’ll consider it. If you’ll excuse me.”

 

He pulled on his coat, leaving a stunned Dis behind. He had a plane to catch and a wonderful man to take home.

 

 


	11. Where you go, I go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning!!! Self harm!

Thorin stayed with Frerin, no matter how much he had tried to convince him to leave the stubborn man remained an unmovable force. The tutor smiled sadly from where he sat in the terrible motel room. The rickety chair threatened to give under his weight as the microwave buzzed next to his elbow. He was mildly surprised that it worked half of the times it did, greatly surprised that he wasn’t getting radiation sickness from how busted up and rusted it was. Like usual, Frerin sat on the edge of the bed, watching the world outside for Fili to return. His fingers would twitch at times, when he finally got tired of watching the snow pile up in the parking lot, he would pull out a book from his bag and read it, or listen to his ipod and hum along until it got too much for him and he turned his attention back out the window. 

 

“Do you think he’ll come today?” Frerin’s voice had returned to normal, he was no longer coughing, not even in his sleep. He was well but Thorin’s own fears of damaged lungs going out into the cold outdoors forced him to remain. He wouldn’t even touch on the dark thoughts of the lingering depression that hovered over the younger man, how he cried in his sleep and whimpered for Fili. No, Thorin pushed that to the side, choosing to believe time would heal that wound.

 

“I wouldn’t know. If I knew where he was and what he was doing I could estimate better than a random stab in the dark.”

 

“Kili said he may visit today… right?”

 

“He did.” Thorin kept tight lipped that Kili was swamped with taking over Bilbo’s work, but also his own lie to Kili that Fili was not there.

 

“You call him every night.” Frerin shifted in his seat, leaning forward and craning his neck to get a better view of a sharp left angle. 

 

“Kili thinks that if I don’t call in then I was kidnapped and sold into sex slavery. I even have to call on my days off.”

 

“He worries over you.” Fingers fidgeted. “It’s good to have someone worry over you. Means you have a home.”

 

“A home?”

 

Frerin sighed, still no sign of Fili. He pulled himself fully onto the bed and pressed his back against the headboard. “Yeah. You obviously have to care about someone in order for you to worry about them… and home is where the heart is.”

 

“I suppose so, but I always thought that home was where you grew up.” The microwave beeped. Thorin turned a little to open it up and pull out the paper plate that had four burritos on it. He grimaced at the fillings that had managed to leak out and stick onto the paper. “Lunch is ready but I would give it a year before it cools down to a temperature that is safe for consumption.”

 

Frerin chuckled. “Stick it outside for ten minutes and it’ll be refrozen.”

 

“Might as well just leave it for a few minutes, let it heat up this room a bit.” Thorin shifted in his uncomfortable seat. “...Frerin. I don’t know what’s happening with Fili. I… hate to say it, but I think he’s not coming back.”

 

Frerin leaned his head back against the wall peering up at the dirty ceiling. Thorin could very well be right. A bitter smile pulled at his lips. He gave a half hearted chuckle that rocked his whole body.

 

“You know, all my life I just wished someone would give a fuck about me. Something more than friendship. Friends come and go, the few that stay can only get so close to you. You’re stuck in this perpetual loneliness as those friends find someone and move on without you. The next thing you know, you’re the only thing left of yesterday.” Frerin closed his eyes, trying to stop the feeling of his broken heart. 

 

“Is that where god comes in?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“You seem to have something against god. I’m wondering why.”

 

Frerin fell silent. He bounced on the bed with a quick movement to get up. “What day is it?”

 

“Not sure of the exact date but it’s a week from Thanksgiving. And you’re dodging my question.”

 

“Don’t want to answer it.” Frerin went over to the small dresser and started to pull his things out. “Think you could give me a ride?”

 

“Where are you going?” Thorin felt his spirits sink. He didn’t like the idea of taking his friend to some random place and leaving him.

 

“About two or so towns over there should be a big festival starting up soon. I’ve always missed it, week long celebration complete with parades, booths, carnival rides, pie eating contests, barbeque contest, plays-”

 

“I get it, they got a lot of stuff going on.” Thorin got up from his seat and dug under the bed for Frerin’s empty bags. “Deciding you need a vacation or looking to live there?”

 

“One, maybe both.” Frerin glanced out the window. His hands clutched at the clothing he held, he took a breath before stuffing it into a bag. “We’ll see.”

 

Thorin helped Frerin pack, throwing the burritos in the trash. The ex-butler was returning the keys while Thorin put his bags into the trunk of his gold colored car.  Thorin waited in the car, turning it on so it could heat up as he watched Frerin hurry across the parking lot. He quickly got in, tapping his boots against the edge of the door to knock off snow. He buried himself in his coat, nose already red.

 

“Don’t take kindly to the cold?” Thorin smirked.

 

“I’m pretty good with the cold, only need to adjust first then I can walk around in a t-shirt and shorts.”

 

“You’re kidding me, no one does that in winter.”

 

“Plenty of people do. I used to do it all the time, would get into trouble for it.” Frerin buckled his seatbelt as he spoke. “Still remember mom screaming at me to put back on my clothes while I made snow angels when I was four.”

 

“Where did you grow up?”

 

“The country.” Frerin leaned over one of the heat vents, breathing in the warm air. “I can still remember the quiet winter brought. The cold like nothing else as if the whole world was trying not to wake a sleeping babe. Feel the warmth of a fire, hear it crackling while you stay awake through the coldest part of night. You had to adjust or…” 

 

Thorin felt as if he was peering through a window, seeing something he shouldn’t. He was being allowed into an area of Frerin’s life that no one else had touched, all fresh and silently cold as the snow outside. “Or?”  

 

“Or you didn’t.” Frerin pushed himself back against his seat, turning a smile to Thorin that didn’t reach his eyes. And there it was, that accursed tired look of a haunted man being crushed by depression. “Bah, the past is the past, nothing to do with it beyond learn from it. Shall we get going?”

 

“Which way?”

 

“Wheast.”

 

“Wh… you mean east?” 

 

Frerin grinned pointing west, showing he was being playful in the pronunciation of West. “Wheast.”

 

“West it is, but first we’re stopping by a restaurant and getting a real meal for once.”

 

“The delicacies of the microwave not up to your standards?” 

 

“Most of it smells like dog food and the rest taste like it.”

 

“How do you know what dog food tastes like?”

 

Thorin narrowed his eyes as he pulled onto the plowed road. He just gave his best friend ammunition that could be used at any given time. “I hate you.”

 

“You love me. Let’s run off and get married.”

 

“Sure.” Thorin said with sarcasm. “You can have the wonderful time of getting along with Bilbo and Kili on a daily basis.”

 

“You never said I would have to deal with in-laws, the wedding’s off.”

 

“Could you reach into the glove box and see if I have any tape in there?”

 

“Sure, why?”

 

“Because you’re breaking my heart.”

 

Frerin laughed. “That’s the spirit.”

 

"You laughed. It's good to hear that from you."

 

Frerin’s face changed a little a touch of sadness gracing his features, his natural wavy hair, now long enough to cover his ears caressed his face as he bowed over the vent again. “Yeah, not much to smile about.”

 

Thorin wanted to say he was sorry to hear about it. He wanted to put a comforting hand on the man’s shoulder and give a gentle squeeze, but he felt that it was out of place. It wasn’t appropriate, it wasn’t what Frerin needed. What he needed was to be taken away, leave behind the pain and try to find his own path that wouldn’t remind him of a broken heart. Thorin was true to his word, taking Frerin to a restaurant that had decent food, they were quiet which they typically were with each other. It was a comfort level that they had developed, neither needing to say much unless interaction was desired. He then drove the whole way to the city that Frerin wanted to be dropped off at with little to no conversation still. In the city banners were already put up for the festival, people dressed up walked around as they started setting up booths. 

 

“Rather cold for an outdoors event.” Thorin’s voice rumbled like distant thunder when he mumbled. He had an underlined meaning, a question of concern for Frerin’s fragile health.

 

“Can’t be helped, I didn’t make the festival.” Frerin stepped out of the car. He knocked on the trunk for Thorin to unlock it. 

 

The tall man popped the trunk before stepping out into the soft wind. He watched Frerin pull out his bags, slinging them over his shoulders. Thorin fiddled with his keys knowing what this meant. He didn’t want it to be what it was. He didn’t have many friends, he never had. He didn’t know how to say goodbye. He didn’t want to say goodbye.

 

“Thanks for the ride.” Frerin’s smile was that sad one, resigned to a lonely road. 

 

“I could… I could come back in a week.” Thorin offered. “I could-”

 

He was cut short when Frerin shook his head.

 

“Frerin… you- I…” Thorin stepped up to the shorter man.

 

Frerin only looked up at him before grabbing him and pulling him into a rough hug. Thorin held on tight, burying his face into the soft curls breathing in the scent of spice and nuts. It was comforting smell sending the same calm as Christmas lights on a tree. He squeezed harder, loosening his grip with one arm to dig into his pocket. With practiced ease he slipped his own cellphone into Frerin’s pocket, a trick he developed when Kili was being disobedient towards Bilbo and wanted his distance. Thorin always found a way to contact Kili and he would use the same techniques to keep a hold of Frerin.

 

“You take care of yourself.” Thorin patted Frerin’s back.

 

“Will do.”

 

Thorin tried to smile. “Only you say that, gonna miss it.”

 

“I’m going to miss you too… and… could you tell Fili something for me?”

 

“Anything.”

 

“Tell him… that it was an asshole move to just leave without so much as a note and that it’s okay. I forgive him.”

 

“...you forgive him?” Thorin’s brows drew together in concern.

 

Frerin’s hand slid to his shoulder, squeezing, “Do me another favor.”

 

“What?”

 

“Fucking tell Kili already. Stay with him, make that ridiculously happy man insanely happy and keep him that way.”

 

“W-what are you talking about?” Thorin shifted uncomfortably.

 

“We can’t help whom we love. Kiss him and you’ll figure it out.” Frerin stepped away adjusting the straps to his bags. “Well… take it easy before you go even more gray.”

 

“See you around…”

 

“Yeah.” Frerin’s smile reached his eyes, a small glimmer of hope. He turned away and started walking down the shoved sidewalk. 

 

Thorin watched, Frerin stopping to ask someone directions. He kept his eyes on the man until he was out of sight wishing that he would turn around, change his mind. Not once did he look back and as much as it pained Thorin, he had to get back into his car and drive home.

 

It was funny, home really was Bilbo’s house. His troubles seemed to tumble from his shoulders soon as he saw Kili, a pile of papers in his hands trying to do his father’s job while Bilbo was away. The young brunet looked up from where he had been pacing when the creaking of the door hinges signaled someone coming in. He flashed a big smile. The smile wavered as Thorin slowly moved over to a large chair and sat heavily down in it.

 

“Hey… you okay?”

 

Thorin looked around, rubbing his cold hands together. “You know… I think Bilbo is right, this room could do with a fireplace.”

 

“Thorin?” Kili put the papers down, worry in his voice. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“That’s a lie. You never agree with dad’s renovation ideas unless you’ve been hiding something.” Kili crossed the room. “Last time you called you said you were still trying to figure things out with Frerin and Fili. What happened?”

 

“Um… I…” Thorin rubbed at his forehead. He had lied about Fili, hoping not to set Kili into a panic. 

 

“Are they okay? Shit, is Frerin in the hospital again?”

 

“No, no he’s fine. I think.”

 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

 

“He, uh, he had me drive him out of town.”

 

Kili frowned. “Out of town? But I thought he would be staying at one of the places you found.”

 

Thorin slowly shook his head.

 

“What is it you’re not telling me?” Kili demanded, standing right in front of his tutor. “Spill it, Thorin. Now.”

 

“Fili was never there.” Thorin felt some of the weight leave his shoulders as he confessed. “He had packed and left Frerin at a motel like some sort of hooker. Just left him, no note, no nothing.”

 

“What?! Fili wouldn’t, he couldn’t… that doesn’t sound like him. And why the hell didn’t you tell me?!”

 

“I didn’t want to worry you!”

 

“Well you failed on that!” Kili fisted a hand in his hair. “Fuck, fuck shit!”

 

“Kili, don’t do this.” Thorin stood up.

 

“Don’t do what? Wig out because I’m kind of doing that without meaning to because I just learned that the one man I could trust more than my dad has been lying to me and my best friend is MIA and I don’t know where one of my other friends are because apparently I wasn’t god damn important enough to tell!!”

 

“Don’t you ever say that! You’re the most important person in the world!”

 

“Then tell me the truth! I know Fili’s fucked up but he’s head over heels for Frerin! He wouldn’t just leave him without saying something, he wouldn’t- That- are you sure he left Frerin?”

 

“I don’t know what he did but I do know I had to hold a kind man, my best friend, while he had his heart shattered into pieces!” Thorin helplessly threw his hands in front of him. Why was this affecting him so much? Why did it hurt so badly? “Fili left him a hollow husk!!! … He… he left him when…”

 

“When what?”

 

“When he was finally happy.” There it was. That was it. For all the time when he knew Frerin he had never seen him truly happy unless he was next to his master. It didn’t matter if Fili was cursing at him, making him do the most terrible of tasks, all that mattered was that he was close to the man he loved. Then he was used, tossed to the side. Now he understood Frerin’s expressions back in the mall before the butler had gotten sick. Frerin had been heart broken, only to be given hope and happiness for a few short days to have it ripped cruelly from his chest. When they separated in that little town coated in snow he had been unrecognizable and lost. But one fact remained, he still loved Fili. 

 

Kili and Thorin stood still, blue eyes traced Kili’s worried features. Kili tugged at his hair, his hand pulling down a lock to his mouth in attempt to nervously chew on hair and nails. Frerin’s words echoed in Thorin’s ears, that the butler had forgiven Fili and had made Thorin promise to take care of Kili. Big hearted Kili who worried over so much and tried to pretend to be as strong as he could.

 

He slipped his thumb over Kili’s, gently guiding his hand away from wet lips. He leaned down sealing his lips over his student’s. His tongue dove into the warm cavern of flesh seeking out a playmate. He licked over Kili’s tongue, swiping to roam over teeth and cheek. He felt the young brunet slowly start to react, first with his fingers curling over Thorin’s thumb. Then his body moved forward, slotting up against the hard body of the tall man. With a flood of relief and warmth he began returning the kiss with a lively flurry of passion that forced Thorin to grab Kili, dip him backwards while dominating him. Kili’s hands shot up to Thorin’s hair, fingers digging into thick hair as he tried to hold on from the heady fear of falling and the tangled thrill of sharing a kiss with the man he had been pining over for what seemed like forever. 

 

The kiss broke all too soon and Kili found he had to hold onto Thorin when he pulled him up to a standing position. His knees were like jelly unwilling to bare his full weight.

 

“W-wow, I,” Kili cleared his throat. “What was that for?”

 

Thorin cupped Kili’s cheeks. “To let you know why I’ll always stay with you… if you don’t mind being with a graying man.”

 

Kili grinned much like the cheshire cat. “Does that mean I get to be the arm candy to the world’s most handsome silver fox?”

 

“If you’ll have me.”

 

Kili growled, leaning up and biting Thorin’s bottom lip as his hands grabbed possessive handfuls of Thorin’s ass. “Fucking try to deny me.” He growled through his teeth.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------

 

Fili stared at the empty room. It was cold and quiet as the dead winter’s night. The room had been cleaned by the motel staff. 

 

His feet felt heavy as he walked in dragging snow in his wake. 

 

“Frerin?”

 

Why did he call out? It was obvious that no one had been in that room for at least a day. 

 

“Frer-” The rest of the name caught in his throat. He turned around, pulling the motel key out of the doorknob. He hurried down to the office where he slapped down the key onto the countertop in front of the clerk. “The man, the one I was rooming with in room 16, where is he?”

 

The clerk scratched a patch of red on his neck. “Who?”

 

“Dark hair, about this long and this high,” he gestured the length of hair and Frerin’s height with his hand.

 

The man’s eyes went unfocused for a moment showing how high he was. Fili snapped his fingers in front of the man’s face. “Hey! Hey! Look at me! This guy probably was really sweet even to a flea infested druggie like you!”

 

“That’s not real nice.”

 

“Look I need to find him! I need, shit!” Fili dug into his pocket for his cellphone, he pulled it out and shifted through it for a random picture he took of his butler when Frerin still had long blond hair. “Him!” He showed the picture.

 

“I don’t know him.”

 

“He would have had dark hair, think! Where did he go?!”

 

“Dark hair?” The man squinted while an arm spasm. He twitched his head and rubbed his arm. “Yeah… yeah, okay. He,” he smiled at a memory, closing his eyes and gaining a shit eating grin. “Yeah! Him! He was real cool, real nice guy!”

 

“Exactly! Where did he go, you need to tell me?!”

 

“I don’t know.” He sniffed while rubbing his cheek on his shoulder. “Hhhheee was actin’ real funny though, reminded me of my friend before she overdosed.”

 

“Overdosed?” Fili’s heart sunk.

 

“Killed herself. Real shame she was the -best-, man.”

 

A cold stone rested in Fili’s stomach, “What the fuck are you saying about Frerin? He wouldn’t kill himself.”

 

“Just saying what I saw. Looked real heart broken, think his old lady dumped him or something.”

 

“I don’t care what you saw!” Fili grabbed the front of the man’s shirt, pulling him hard over the counter. His lips curled into a threatening snarl. “Tell me where he went!”

 

“I don’t know!!” The clerk held up his hands showing he was used to being roughed up. “All I know is that he went out to a real fancy gold car after checking out!”

 

Gold car? Gold… Thorin! 

 

Fili shoved the clerk back, he quickly started dialing up Thorin’s number while storming out. 

 

Thorin. Frerin was with Thorin, so he would be safe. The phone rang and rang. When it went to voicemail he hung up and started calling again. He stopped by the car door of his blue sports car, the one he had pulled out of his own garage to pick up Frerin in. 

  
  
  


Frerin had been in the shower, pausing as soap ran down his body with the warm water. He could have sworn he heard the chime of a cell phone. That had to be wrong, he didn’t have one. He spat out some water that flowed into his mouth. He stuck his head back under the water and continued on with his shower. Red mixed in with the suds that ran down his arms, fresh cuts laced around his wrists stinging from the hot water and soap. It would have been a lie if he said he had not tried to take the razor deeper than it had gone. When he first came to the hotel he was certain it would be the last place he would be thus why he got the best hotel room in town. He had put his stuff neatly to the side, looked at the fancy room with a pretty painting of a blue sky stretching over an endless meadow, in the distance were mountains. He missed the mountains. Missed the tall evergreens, the smell of the pine needles in the middle of the hot summer, the singing of crickets and buzzing of bees. He missed waking up in the early morning and seeing deer run around his lawn. He had pulled apart a shaver for the razor blade. Had sat on the edge of the bed and looked at that painting. The golden hues reminding him of Fili’s hair. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the feeling of love, not depression as he slashed away at his skin. But he couldn’t go all the way, a small part of him still whispered of hope trying to put back together his shattered heart. He had stopped, blood dribbling onto the carpet, the blade falling from his fingers into the trash bin. He numbly undressed and stepped in the shower where he broke down crying in the corner of the stall for however long it took for his eyes to run dry. It took a lot of effort to move, to pick up the soap and start scrubbing at himself. It took more effort to empty his mind enough so he could do anything more than just rub a bar of soap across his chest.

 

Now he scrubbed himself down and was rinsing off when he heard the sound again. He stepped out of the shower, sopping wet, the water still running as he followed the sound to his coat. He dug through the pockets pulling out an unfamiliar cell.

 

He frowned at the name that flashed of “little lion”. He answered with a very tentative, “Hello?”

 

“Frerin!”

 

“Fili?” Frerin felt his chest tighten.

 

“Thank god,” Fili’s voice was filled with relief. “I came back and you weren’t there, you were gone and there was no note or anything and-”

 

“You left me.”

 

“What?”

 

“Why did you leave me?” Frerin felt numb.

 

“I went to talk to- look, it doesn’t matter. Tell me where you are, I’m taking you home.”

 

“It does matter?!” Frerin shouted into the phone. “You were just complaining on how I left no word of where I went, well, guess what -sweetheart- I waited days for you! Where the hell did you go?!”

 

“I called the front desk when I got on the plane! I went to see my mother about your fucking restraining order!... That night shift bitch! She didn’t tell you?!”

 

“No! Why didn’t you call Thorin or Kili or fucking Bilbo and leave a reliable message?!”

 

“Because I could only think about the love of my miserable life needed to come home and not rot away in some crack den of a motel!! I wasn’t thinking straight, I’m sorry and fucking tell me where you are!!!!”

 

“I’m at the fucking Westron Inn in Ardan!”

 

“What the fuck are you doing in Ardan?!”

 

“I’m having a fucking holiday doing something I want to do!”

 

“Well good! I’ll see you in a few!”

 

“Good!” Frerin hung up the phone and threw it across the room. Leave it to Fili to get under his skin, make him fired up with confusion and passion all the while admiring him to his deepest core. 

 

He went to the bathroom and got back into the shower, grumbling to himself as he finished rinsing off all the soap that had dried to his skin. When he was done he dried himself off and flopped on the bed. He didn’t bother to dress. He only laid there, staring at the ceiling. He pulled up his arms looking at the red welts that were puffy and in need of bandaging. It was slowly sinking in that he tried to kill himself. He had actually wanted to do it. He didn’t know if it was pathetic, if it was needy, desperate, or just the definition of his life; he couldn’t live without Fili. 

 

It didn’t seem like long before a knock came to his door. He shoved himself up into a sitting position with a sigh.

 

“Who is it?”

 

“Fili.”

 

Frerin got up, pausing by his bags to grab out a travel first aid kit he had. He opened the door, stepping away before Fili could reach for him. “Took your time.”

 

“Sports cars don’t like snow in the long run.” Fili followed him wrapping his arms around his middle from behind. He buried his nose in damp locks of hair taking in a deep breath of the scent that was purely Frerin’s. “...I’m sorry it took so long.”

 

He didn’t hear the sound at first, only felt the trembling of Frerin’s core as his lover started to cry. Fili pulled Frerin towards the bed, he sat down, pulling Frerin onto his lap, refusing to let go. Frerin buried his face in one hand, the other clutching over one of Fili’s. His breathing was ragged and in short clips of a sob. 

 

“You left,” he whimpered through his harsh breathing. 

 

Fili pressed his cheek against Frerin’s shoulder, he tightened his hold feeling a deep hurt from the words spoken. How much pain he had caused the man he wanted to bathe in luxury and happiness, it punctured his heart.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Everybody leaves.” Frerin’s voice went high in pitch before dying in a ghostly whisper. “What-” he sucked in a deep breath, reeling deep into depression once again, blinding his senses. The same terrible feeling that made him take up the razor blade. “What did I do wrong?”

 

“Nothing, you did nothing wrong.” Fili felt his eyes sting with heat. What had he done?

 

“Why can’t someone just… love me?” He pressed his palms into his eyes.

 

Fili pressed hard kisses against Frerin’s shoulder and neck. “No.” He said between each kiss. He trailed his mouth up to Frerin’s ear. “I love you. -I- love -you-.”

 

The blond pulled at him, laying him on the bed. He brushed dark hair away revealing a broken man. He pulled back, horrified. He had done this, caused this much pain to the one he loved. His eyes roamed over Frerin’s shuddering figure, how he cried and tried to hide away from Fili’s sight. Red welts caught his eye. His heart stopped. He pulled on Frerin’s fingers getting a good view of the cuts.

 

“What did you do?”

 

There was only a pathetic whimper that responded. Fili grabbed at the first aid kit that had fallen on the bed at some point. He shook as he ripped it open, fumbling with the packages. He ripped open the alcohol wipes and scrubbed at Frerin’s arm.

 

“The other one, show me the other one!” Fili pulled on Frerin’s other arm. He let out a cry in the back of his throat. He opened another wipe and scrubbed at the other arm. He started to cry himself as he pried open the ointment packets, smearing them on. “What were you trying to do?!”

 

He taped on gauze before grabbing Frerin’s face. “Answer me, now. What were you trying to do?”

 

“You left me.” Frerin continued to cry. “I didn’t know where you were. You weren’t going to come back-”

 

“I’ll always come back to you!” Fili shook Frerin. He pulled Frerin into a rough kiss. “I love you!” He stroked back Frerin’s dark hair, drawing in a long sniffle letting the heavy meaning fall out into the open. “I go where you go, remember?”

 

Frerin wrapped his arms around Fili’s shoulders, holding on tight. Fili clung onto him, he only parted to shut the door that had been left open. He took off his shoes and clothing, he gathered Frerin back into his arms holding onto him until they both fell asleep.


	12. Habits

Frerin laid on the bed, earbuds in as he tried to listen to music. He didn’t know what to think, he didn’t know what to feel. Last night Fili had walked in and hugged him from behind as if he had only been gone a day. He let Frerin cry, bandaged his wrists and once again took that step over Frerin’s line, stripping naked before pulling him close under the covers and waiting until sleep claimed them. He was usually good at translating these kind of situations due to friends and coworkers needing advice but he never had it himself.

 

He wanted to run for it. When he woke up he had actually thought about taking his things and leaving, giving Fili a taste of his own medicine. But… that wasn’t him, it was the pain talking, and Fili had people leave him all his life. Did Frerin really want to be that kind of person? Spiteful. Hateful. Holding grudges over petty things.

 

Frerin rolled his head to the side, his eyes taking in Fili’s slack face as he slept. His upper lip was curled up at a weird angle, his facial hair was scruffy and in need of a trim, golden curls spilled over the pillow and a strange thought occurred to Frerin. Since he had shaved his head Fili had not asked for him to make an appointment at the barbers. He had been growing out his hair and it was shaggier than Frerin’s own.

 

Fili reached out in his sleep, his limp hand smacking down on Frerin’s face making him wince as the questing hand groped around until finding a hold on the ex-butler’s head and pulling him close. He had forgotten that Fili was a grabber in his sleep. Fili pressed up against Frerin, giving a hum of pleasure as he buried his nose into dark hair. The brunet closed his eyes, feeling his skin prickle in reaction. Why was Fili’s touch so electric to him? Why did he make him feel so alive?

 

He adjusted himself, reaching up and brushing blond hair out of a handsome face as he answered his own questions in a whisper, “Because you love him.”

 

Frerin reached under the blankets, his hand caressing Fili’s side, down to his hip. He stilled his hand, watching the sleeping face.

 

“I missed you…” He whispered, confessing to the turmoil that was deep within to ears that couldn’t listen. He closed his eyes nuzzling his cheek against Fili’s bicep. “I was so scared when I saw your bags gone. I didn’t know what to do. All I could think of was how you ran after me even after how much we’ve clashed. I thought to myself ‘he’ll be back, any minute’. I waited and I waited.”

 

Fili heard the whispers in his dreams before his mind milled about enough to pull forward. He felt the brushing of breath over his face as he slowly woke, hearing Frerin’s words.

 

“I was scared it would be like mom and grandpa all over again; run off to replace me with someone better.”

 

Fili pressed up against Frerin, bringing his arms around his boyfriend. He pulled him slowly into a hug. Running his hands up and down the brunet’s back. He didn’t say anything, only held him. It was a strange situation for him. He usually was the one to be comforted, trapped in Kili’s arms while his best friend cooed soothing words of nonsense in his ears. Kili was so much better at this than he was. Kili was better at being around people than him, hell, Kili was just better than him. So it escaped him that someone as wonderful as Frerin would ever want a rotten sore spot like himself, even saying he was “better” than him. Such a lie. Frerin was stunningly handsome, he was smart, funny, the best kind of person anyone would want to know. Why didn’t he have friends that were all circled around Fili and kicking him while he was on the ground in defence of Frerin’s broken heart? Probably because Fili wouldn’t let him have any, always had demanded his time, had him on call even late at night. He had horded his butler without realizing it.

 

He kissed at Frerin’s temple and brow, working down to eyes and cheek. Hot breath puffed over his neck and chin as he came down to lips. He captured kiss after kiss.

 

He rolled them over pressing his lover into the mattress. This was what he knew of comfort, what was taught to him from Kili’s own caring hands. He would use his mouth to wash away the pain, use his hands to anchor everything good. The touch of his skin was used to remind his lover of what was tangible, bucking against Frerin, rubbing their softened cocks together wasn’t meant to be sexual but a subtle way to allow pleasure to fill in the hole that he knew was gaping and in need of medicine within the heart. He ran his hands over lean muscles, kissed every inch that he could. He rubbed his thumbs over nipples, working in circular motions to massage the pectorals.

 

If his heart fluttered when Frerin whispered his name, he barely noticed it. If he ended up sucking on inner thighs with fingers tangled in his hair, it wasn’t his intention to make this a quick get off. His mouth slipped over a stiffening cock. His index finger and thumb circled around the base of Frerin’s manhood, pumping gently as he worked his tongue over foreskin and the thick vein that ran under the swelling flesh. He had to resist reaching down to his own hardening cock. The whimpers and tender moans that were sounding above him made his back shiver in desire, but this wasn’t about him. This was about Frerin, reassuring him, showing him that he did matter.

 

When Frerin shot his load, Fili greedily swallowed. He crawled up Frerin’s panting body, his tongue delving into the man’s mouth once more. He gave a startled sound when the brunet grabbed him roughly, kissing with a level of demand that that made Fili whimper as his cock leaked over Frerin’s thigh. Teeth bit and pulled at Fili’s bottom lip. Frerin’s legs wrapping around Fili’s waist and raising up to show what he wanted.

 

“Fuck me,” Frerin bit at Fili’s jaw.

 

Fili closed his eyes, his mind muddled. He tried to ask himself what Kili would do. Kili would be sensible enough to stop it, right?

 

“W-we don’t have lube, do we?” Fili’s whole body shook with need. He could feel his lover squirm under him and the little noises he made only made his cock throb.

 

“Then fuck my mouth until you’re slick enough.”

 

“Oh god.” Fili dropped his head, resting it against Frerin’s shoulder. He had to think, he had to be the better person that Frerin always saw in him not the fucking rich asshole that he usually was.

 

“Master Fili,” Frerin’s hands ran down Fili’s sides, traveling to the curve of his hip. Fingers pressed into the meat of Fili’s ass cheeks, pulling hard forcing Fili’s cock to rub against saliva slicked balls.

 

Fili couldn’t help himself, he grabbed at Frerin, eating at his mouth with a hungry kiss as he pressed Frerin down into the bed sheets with dry bucking of his hips. He swallowed each and every desperate sound, moaned against panting lips that begged. And when he shot his seed over the brunet’s pelvis.

 

The two panted, gazing into each other’s eyes. Frerin’s hair was a dark halo on the white pillows, his. One ear bud was barely still in Frerin’s ear, the other blaring loudly, tangled in his hair. It was one song that was on repeat; Tove Lo, Habits.

 

Fili didn’t know why he did it. Untangling the ear bud from dark locks. He pushed it into his ear before collecting Frerin’s hands and threading their fingers together. He rested fully over his ex-butler’s body, his head on the pillow over Frerin’s shoulder, his brow pressed up against a temple. He smelled the mingling of sweat, sex, soap and that pleasant spicey mixture that always followed Frerin.

 

He was coming down from his high, listening to the strange song that spoke of trying to forget someone that had left the singer behind. They stayed like that, tangled in blankets and sheets, listening to the song on repeat.

  
  


*             *              *              *

 

“Thorin,” Kili flung his legs to the side as he frowned at the message on  his phone.

 

“What?” Thorin fanned some papers between his fingers, looking through them before writing down some data into a book.

 

“Just got a text from Fili, he’s with Frerin.”

 

Thorin looked up over the black rim of his glasses. “Is he okay?”

 

“No idea,” Kili squirmed on the leather sofa to get into a better position. He spread his legs for Thorin to get a good look.

 

“You really should wear clothing in the office.” Thorin took off his glasses and dropped them onto his work. “What would your father say if he saw you?”

 

“Probably congratulating me on bagging myself a sensible man.” Kili didn’t even look up from his phone as he typed away to send a message back to his best friend.

 

“Bagging? Is that a pun?”

 

“Kili Baggins, bagging and banging since puberty.”

 

Thorin made a grunting sound that made Kili peer over his phone with an apologetic smile. He knew Thorin didn’t like him talking about his exes, in fact the guy hated it when Kili confided in him that he had casual sex with Fili on a very regular basis. He was a nymph, looking for the right person to completely satisfy his needs. He flaunted it, he didn’t shy away from the press who splashed allegations all over. In fact he fed them until it became boring and they left him alone.  

 

“Sorry.”

 

Thorin continued to frown.

 

“Don’t be like that.” Kili dropped his phone onto the cushion beside him. He pushed himself onto his feet. He slinked over, fluid as water. He pushed at Thorin’s chair until it pivoted around. With expertise, he slid a knee over Thorin’s lap, pulling himself up to straddle his tutor. He purred when Thorin’s warm hands took hold of his hips preventing him from sliding off of his lap.

 

“Be like what?”

 

Kili took hold of Thorin’s red tie, slowly dragging it between his fingers. “Be jealous.”

 

“You don’t really have much of a track record of settling down, Kili.”

 

“And we’re not officially together, but if I can give you a test run then we can properly see.” Kili leaned down, dragging his lips over stiff whiskers on Thorin’s jaw. “Because if only your kisses can get me hard, I want to know what your dick can do.”

 

“Kili!!” Bilbo’s voice erupted from the doorway. “What the hell are you doing?!”

 

Kili’s heart jumped into his throat. “D-dad! I- I-uh-”

 

“Get off of his lap right now! And for god’s sakes cover yourself up!” Bilbo grabbed a pillow from the sofa and threw it at his son. “If you think you can just try to seduce anyone under this roof you got another thing coming! Now get yourself dressed before I take you over my knee!!!”

 

Kili caught the pillow, shoving it over his crotch before stepping down from the chair. He hesitated, looking to Thorin then Bilbo.

 

“Get going!!!”

 

Kili shot out of the room leaving Thorin to face the dangers of a pissed off Bilbo Baggins alone. Bilbo slammed the office door shut.

 

“Bilbo, I can explain.”

 

“Thorin.” Bilbo’s voice was tight and hard. “I’m not blind and I’m not stupid. I know how he’s looked at you for a long time now, getting to the point where he out right gropes you. I have been eternally grateful that you have never raised your voice about his inappropriate behavior. But don’t think for one second that you’re employment here means you have to do everything this family tells you to do.”

 

Thorin tilted his head to the side slowly processing what Bilbo was saying. Was he really trying to imply what he thought he was?

 

Bilbo stepped up to the desk, looking tired from his long trip returning home. “How far did he go this time? I know he was naked but… but what did he… what did he ask you to touch?”

 

Thorin’s eyes went wide. He shot up to his feet. “You have the wrong idea.”

 

“Don’t cover it up, this wasn’t  your fault, Thorin. If he had pushed you into having no alternative then-”

 

“No! He- I- We wanted this!”

 

Bilbo looked sceptical as Thorin’s brain scrambled to try to explain what was going on.

 

“Last night, we- I- we kissed, that was it! I swear and we both wanted it. Kili was just doing what Kili does, he’s a sexual being I’m used to him doing things and we’re thinking about…” Thorin swallowed, bowing his head  and taking a deep breath. “Look, it’s all consensual. I grant you he shouldn’t have tried something in the office, but if it is unwarranted attention, I will speak up.”

 

“Do I have your word on that? Because the last person who told me ended up breaking my little boy’s heart and he lived with Fili for a month.”

 

“You were just accusing him of sexually assaulting me and now you’re worried about him?”

 

“I wasn’t accusing him of anything!”

 

“It certainly sounded like that to me.”

 

“Well forgive me for seeing my best friend with my naked son on his lap! I’m a bit in shock!! Then you have Dis, that bitch! She’s actually trying to find away to sue her own son!! Why? Because Fili showed up and took his right to break away from the company and did so to build his own and now she’s all butt hurt. She’s already trying to dig up dirt on everyone around Fili including you and Kili to try to ruin all of our lives just because she can’t stand to lose!”

 

“She’s… she already ran Frerin out of town! Now she’s gunning for her own child?!”

 

“Who’s gunning for who?” Kili was standing at the door tucking in his shirt, both had not heard him open it.

 

“Dis is trying to find a way to sue Fili.”

 

Kili’s brows drew together. “Well, she can’t.”

 

“If you think him being her son will help, it won’t.”

 

“No, I mean, she was a stickler for contracts. In covering her ass all the time, she’s also made sure she’s in a corner.”

 

“How the hell do you know this?” Bilbo asked.

 

“I keep an eye on Fili’s contracts. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?” Kili shifted around, looking uncomfortable. Not sure if he was allowed into the room or not.

 

Bilbo waved him in. He happily came in, snuggling up to his father’s side despite their height difference. Bilbo rubbed at Kili’s back. “Sorry for yelling at you.”

 

“It’s okay… um… Fili found Frerin…”

 

“Where are they?”

 

“Arden.” Thorin spoke up.

 

“Well, I think after all this stress, a good nap for me first, then how about we go collect our friends?” Bilbo said softly.

 

“Sounds good to me,” Kili looked over at Thorin, he looked to the floor as soon as their eyes met.

 

“Frerin said… he said there was going to be a festival.” Thorin felt awkward, especially after what was said earlier by Bilbo.

 

“You know what,” Bilbo saw the opportunity. “I’m much too tired to do any more traveling today. Why don’t you two go and get them. Take your time, those roads are icy.”

 

“You sure?” Kili watched Bilbo start to leave the room.

 

“Very. Pick me up some fair food, lord knows I need a decent funnel cake.”

 

Kili smiled brightly, knowing this was his father’s way of approving without outright saying it especially after such an awkward moment.

 

 


	13. Festival

The snow reflected the bright lights of the festival. The air was thick on the street, heavy with different scents of fair food. The mixture of salty and sickeningly sweet confections made Fili’s stomach roll. He tried to push his mind past the assaulting scent of people walking past that had too much perfume or cologne on. Everyone was exceptionally loud, all trying to talk over the different street bands stationed at different corners of the two mile stretch of road. Some were loud, banging on their drums until the beat affected your heart, while others were so quiet it was hard to make them out from all the other sounds around them. There were game booths on the other side of the food vendors where people clustered around their favorite games leaving gaps that were easier to negotiate than the previous section where people darted from one food vendor to the next. Past the games were the merchants that sold carnival items that came from cheap catalogs. Few were of any worth where people made their own things and even fewer were skilled craftsmen.

 

Several times he wanted to complain. Curse at people for their disgusting habits of throwing paper cups and half eaten food on the ground. He wanted to dust his coat off any time someone brushed past him, not liking anyone in his personal space; that was a privilege reserved for very few people. He held his tongue though, sticking close to Frerin who took his time. He stopped from place to place, seemingly enjoying himself. He would stand for several songs at each band. Surprised Fili by being a rather good player with darts and ring toss winning some stuffed animals that were hideous. He watched his butler simply give the toys away to passing by kids before he won one thing that was something he didn’t want to part with. It was a brown puppy toy with floppy ears. He stuck it in the front of the collar of his coat, pinning it between his scarf and collar. He looked silly, but pleased. He asked Fili a few times if he wanted to try a game, but Fili refused.

 

“Just one game.” Frerin said softly as they strolled through the merchant area, nothing catching their interest. “We have to go back through that area to get back to the hotel.”

 

“I…” Fili wanted to outright tell Frerin to shut up and leave him alone. His cheeks were red from embarrassment as he faced the fact that he had no idea how to play one of those games.

 

“I’ll make a deal with you,” Frerin’s fingers slipped along Fili’s palm before gripping his boyfriend’s hand. “You play one game for me and I’ll do something for you in return, you name it.”

 

“You sure? I could ask you to carry me for a week again.”

 

“I’m pretty sure I can still do that.” Frerin pulled on Fili’s hand making him stop walking. He bent over as if attempting to pick up Fili. “Let’s see if I still can.”

 

“Don’t you dare!” Fili shuffled away.

 

Frerin laughed a little. “You’re shyer than you used to be.”

 

Fili’s lips pursed. He wasn’t shy, he was worried. Before he could start up an argument he quickly changed the subject back to it’s origin. “Fine, pick the game.”

 

“Spill The Milk should be user friendly enough.” Frerin took up Fili’s hand once again, pulling him along.

 

Spill The Milk seemed to be a game that not many people favored but expected to see at the fair. Fake milk bottles were stacked upon each other in the back, coated in chipped white paint with little bullseyes on each one. The vender was tossing a soft ball up and down in his hand. Above his head were large stuffed animals that were there to tempt people to play for. Fili barely caught Frerin’s eyes flicker up to one of the toys. Did Frerin choose this because he was hoping for a prize or because he really thought it was the easiest to play?

 

“Three plays please.” Frerin handed the man some money that he slipped into his waist apron before fishing out an extra soft ball and handed both to Frerin.

 

Fili frowned looking at the two dirty balls that his boyfriend held. He figured the object of the game was to knock down as many bottles as you can with one ball, but there were too many bottles for just two balls to take down. Three stacks of bottles, sectioned away from each other. It was rigged and very blatantly so.

 

“Give it a shot.” Frerin held out the balls. “Three plays, that’s all I ask.”

 

Fili huffed. He was certain the brunet had no idea how much his pleading eyes pulled on Fili’s heart strings. He would do anything for this man. Even embarrass himself with chucking balls at bottles. He was a grown man, soon the head of his own incorporation, not some teenager from down the block.

 

He took one of the balls and half heartedly threw it, missing completely.

 

“Maybe, look at what you’re trying to hit.” Frerin teased.

 

Fili rolled his eyes. “Do you want to play this?”

 

“If I did, I would whoop your ass.” Frerin reached up and stroked the head of his little puppy toy.

 

A spark lit in Fili. A challenge. Oh, this was rich. Frerin thought he could best him in this? Right! As if! This was just new to him. Fili did believe himself to be a fast learner, he only needed a few more throws and then he would own this game!

 

He threw another ball and knocked down only two bottles. Frerin smirked which only pissed Fili off. He unzipped his coat, shrugged it off and tossed it at Frerin.

 

“The coat was hindering me.”

 

“Of course.” Frerin nodded his head the way he always did when he had been Fili’s butler and was agreeing with him. He took Fili’s coat and folded it over an arm.

 

The game vender gave Fili the two balls back. Fili threw them with a spectacular lack of grace and had little improvement in his results. The third time was not a charm as he only managed to knock down one stack of bottles with two balls. By now Fili was not going to leave it alone and paid for more rounds. He kept throwing until his arm ached and he managed to finally knock down one stack per ball.

 

“Ha!” He puffed up his chest with pride. He accepted a strangely shaped heart pillow that was his prize. “You are not going to beat that.” He looked at the throw pillow and raised an eyebrow. What the hell would he do with something like that?

 

Frerin passed Fili his coat and paid for one last round. He tilted his head one way, then the other. He rolled his shoulders, stepping back and to the side. He threw the ball with a twist of his wrist, spinning it sending it in a curve. It knocked out two of the stacks and the third was taken care of by his last ball. Fili stared numbly as Frerin pointed up to the prize he wanted, waiting for the vendor to get it.

 

“What the hell?” Fili mumbled.

 

“Told you.” He accepted a goofy looking raven toy. He looked at it fondly. He held it up for Fili to look at it, “Kinda looks like Thorin, don’t you think?”

 

“Needs to look more bitter.” Fili looked at his own prize. He thrusted it at Frerin with one hand. “Here.”

 

“What?” Frerin looked at it, not willing to touch it.

 

“For you, take it.” Fili shook the heart pillow.

 

“But you won it.”

 

“Won it for you. Just take it, okay?”

 

Frerin tenderly took it. He looked over the curves, it was big enough to be a decent throw pillow. He stepped into Fili’s personal space, whispering into his ear, “I think I’m ready to go back now.”

 

“You sure?”

 

Frerin nodded. “I am. We can look some more tomorrow.”

 

Fili looked up at the sky. It was starting to get dark, soon it’ll be too cold for Frerin to be outside. He tugged on his coat. “Alright.”

 

“Fili?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

Frerin whispered so others couldn’t hear, “We’re gonna need lube.”

 

It finally clicked into Fili’s brain as to what Frerin really meant about going back now. He felt really stupid for not getting it right away. When it clicked he inwardly cursed himself. How did he miss that kind of flirt?! He blushed out of embarrassment. It didn’t help any that Frerin pressed a kiss to his nose before slowly walking past him with beckoning eyes. Fili growled, picking up his feet and quickly following.

 

“You’re a damn tease.” He grumbled.

 

“When I wish to be.” Frerin walked around people, eyes on the heart shaped pillow.

 

“You really like that stupid thing?”

 

“I do.”

 

“Meet you at the hotel room? I’ll run to the store for the things we need.”

 

“Got your room key?”

 

“No,” Fili patted his coat down before double checking a few pockets. “Wait, yes… no. No I do not.”

 

“You want me to come with you then?”

 

“I’ll knock.”

 

“Don’t take too long.” Frerin stole a kiss from Fili making the blond follow him a little after the quick peck of the lips.

 

“Fucking tease.” Fili grumbled again.

 

“If you’re quick enough you just might be.”

 

“Nnh! Fine, wait for me in the lobby.”

Fili glared at his boyfriend who only looked at his prize affectionately. They negotiated their way through the crowd easily enough, parting ways and while Fili hurried to a corner store Frerin went back to the hotel. He waited patiently for his boyfriend. It didn’t take long, Fili hurrying back, covered in freshly fallen snow. Frerin smiled and dusted him off while working their lips together in a gentle kiss. Fili took Frerin’s hand and they passed by the front desk to the elevator in the back. He chose the floor they were on and waited for the doors to close. Ardan may be a small town but they had a few tall buildings that peppered the streets of their city center. Soon as the doors were closed he pulled Frerin to him, claiming his mouth in a heated kiss. They were both wearing too many layers for him to fully be able to take advantage of his boyfriend in the elevator.

 

Once they got to their floor they went to their room and easily unlocked it. Frerin sighed and toed off his boots, barely having time to toss his prizes onto the bed and getting his scarf off before there was a knock on the door. Fili exchanged a look with him. Fili tossed his coat on the foot of the bed, answering the door.

 

“What do you want?” Fili asked as he opened the door. He paused seeing Thorin and Kili on the other side. Something that glinted in Kili’s eyes made Fili try to slam the door closed but Kili got his foot in the jam and started pushing on it.

 

“Hey, Fili! Long time no see!” Kili’s hand groped around the opening of the door grabbing a handful of the front of Fili’s pants as the man tried to put his weight behind it.

 

“No! What ever you want can wait! And let go of my crotch!!”

 

“Only if you open the door!! I will jerk you off right here, like this being as loud as I fucking can be if you don’t!!”

 

Thorin felt a kind of… a dead feeling settle in his brain. He had no idea how he could have landed Kili as a possible boyfriend. He could be the best person around… at other times he could be like this.

 

“Get your hand off my DICK KILI!!” Fili started swatting at Kili’s hand.

 

“AHN YEAH! YOU LIKE IT DON’T YOU BABY!!!” Kili was so loud it was embarrassing.

 

Fili looked at Frerin, “A little help here would be nice!”

 

Frerin smiled a little before doing the most horrible thing Fili could think of Frerin ever doing. The man closed his eyes, tilted his head back and in his sex voice went as loudly as he could. Moaning and whimpering.

 

“Holy shi-” Fili bit his bottom lip. Frerin’s voice was making him hard.

 

“Fuck! Fuck, yes!”

 

“Frerin!” Fili’s cheeks flushed.

 

Thorin looked uncomfortable, saying, “What am I listening to?”

 

“Fili! Shi- YES!!!”

 

“Frerin, please.” God he sounded like he was whining.

 

Kili took his hand off of Fili’s crotch and doubled his efforts to get inside. “Let me in!! I gotta see this!!”

 

Soon as Kili managed to shove his way into the room he looked terribly disappointed at Frerin who only looked at him innocently while he took off his coat. Fili was behind the door, cheeks red as cherries.

 

“You little bastard! I wanted to see some skin! A nice flush cock, the sounds you were making and- I- You’re a disappointment, Frerin!” Kili huffed, folding his arms over his chest in a grand pout.

 

“What are you two doing here?” Fili stocked over to where Frerin was sitting and sat down next to him.

 

“Dad sent us to collect you. He says you need to come home because you’re worrying him and ruining Dis’ world or some shit like that.” Kili looked over his shoulder at Thorin. “And he wanted a funnel cake.”

 

“Her world deserves to be ruined. And we’ll head back soon as the festival is over.” Fili said stubbornly.

 

“Then we have no choice but to stay a few nights.” Kili plopped down on the bed uninvited. He saw the raven toy. “Oh my god! It looks like you, Thorin!”

 

“Told you it looked like him.” Frerin nudged Fili.

 

“Still needs to look more bitter.” He grumbled in reply.

 

“Frerin,” Thorin stayed in the doorway. “May I steal you away for a while, down stairs? A few drinks at the bar while these two catch up.”

 

“I… sure, but I’m not putting my shoes on.”

 

Frerin got up. He paused, leaning down and giving Fili a soft kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be back in a bit. Key’s with you.”

 

“Got your inhaler?”

 

Frerin padded his pockets. Fili grabbed Frerin’s coat and searched it fishing out the red contraption. He put it in Frerin’s pocket while getting another kiss. “Not too long.”

 

“Okay…”

 

He stopped by the small table in the room, grabbing something. He stepped up to Thorin, handing him a cellphone. He shut the door behind him, walking down the hall with his best friend.

 

“Nice trick with that.” Frerin and Thorin got to the elevators and pushed the button, waiting for it. “Fili tried calling you but got me instead.”

 

“Figured that’s how he found you… but those?” Thorin told hold of Frerin’s hand holding it up to show the white bandages poking out from under the cuff of his shirt.

 

“Bad times.” Frerin pulled his hand away.

 

“Talk about over drinks.”

 

“Fine by me.”

 

They didn’t say anything else until they got down to the small bar down on the base floor. They ordered a few drinks and found a comfortable table to sit at. They drank the first two cocktails before either of them spoke up.

 

“Tell Kili yet?” Frerin asked.

 

“Yep.”

 

“Not sure what to do?”

 

“Yeah… he’s…” Thorin ran his thumb over the spots of condensation coming off of his beer. “I don’t want to rush anything but he wants to have sex right away and… I don’t want to be… that.”

 

“Mm, that.” Frerin understood. Thorin was worried that Kili would fall out of interest with him if he gave in quickly.

 

“Kili’s a good man. Weird as balls, but good.” Frerin took a long pull from his cider drink.

 

Thorin smiled a little, “You say the most interesting things at times.”

 

“What can I say, I’m here to serve.”

 

“Then serve up some information on the wrists. Did you?” Thorin nodded to the side as if that finished his question.

 

Frerin sighed. He rubbed over a bandage, it needed to be changed soon as he got back to his room. “Yeah…”

 

“Because of him?”

 

“...yes and no.”

 

“What stopped you?”

 

“Him.” Frerin looked at Thorin with a sad smile. “The prospect of just glimpsing him once again.”

 

“And now?”

 

“We’re pretending, but I think we’ll figure it all out.” He took another drink. “He’s not rushing back home because I want to stay for the festival. I think it’s his way of apologizing.”

 

“I think it is too.”

 

“How’s Bilbo?”

 

“He’s Bilbo, nothing can stop him.” Thorin chuckled. “Not even the idea of his boy being with an old fart like me… And Frerin?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I’m glad you didn’t go anywhere.”

 

Frerin nudged Thorin, smiling a bit. “Me too.”

 

*            *            *            *

 

“So, where did you go?” Kili purred as he tried to get his head into Fili’s lap.

 

Fili pushed on the dark head away from his crotch. “To help Frerin, but apparently I’m a fucking idiot and didn’t do the right thing because I fucked up… like I usually fuck up.”

 

“Thorin told me what happened, well, as best as he could. You did fuck up.” Kili got up and sat behind Fili, wrapping his arms over his shoulders, dragging  his hands down his chest.

 

“Kili, um, could you not grope me?” Fili pulled Kili’s hands off of him.

 

“Why?”

 

Fili didn’t answer.

 

“You don’t like it?” Kili smiled. “Because it’s not my hands you want but someone else’s?”

 

Fili looked away.

 

“You love him.” Kili plopped down to the side like a puppy. “Really love him.”

 

“I…” Fili glared at the floor. If he truly loved Frerin he wouldn’t be fucking up so much.

 

“It’s good. You deserve him. He’s perfect for you.”

 

“Yeah, and I’m perfect for him… like a poison.”

 

“A poison? What do you mean? What I just saw a bit ago, him kissing you, you finding his inhaler, that’s all love. The good kind of love, Fili.”

 

Fili’s bottom lip started to tremble. Images of fresh cuts flashing before his eyes. He shook his head.

 

Kili quickly sat up, settling down next to him. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”

 

“I’m not good for him.” Fili pressed a hand to his face, his shaggy hair falling forward as he hunched his shoulders. “I almost killed him, twice.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“He got sick because of me.”

 

“No, Fili. No he didn’t, he got sick because he got sick. It wasn’t like you tossed water on him and made him stay outside in freezing temperatures.”

 

“But I pushed him too hard, I chased him out of his house and into the cold.” He sniffled trying hard to keep tears back.

 

“Listen to me, Fili. You didn’t make him sick. Does Frerin tell you this?”

 

“No.”

 

“Then he doesn’t blame you. Don’t blame yourself.”

 

“How can I not? It led to him being fired, led to him being in that filthy motel, me being a fucking idiot and not leaving a proper message and hoping a stupid night manager would fucking tell him what I was doing. It led to him trying to- shit.” Fili couldn’t even say it. He had been so close to finding another dead body, but this time it wouldn’t be an old man whose time simply ran out. It would have been his handsome Frerin, opened up like crucifix.

 

“What happened?” Kili’s voice was serious.

 

“He tried to…”

 

“Tried to what?”

 

“To kill himself.” Fili’s jaw tightened. “I was so stupid! I left him! I should have taken him with me. I should have kept him close! I should have written a letter, I should have called you to come and stay with him while I was gone!”

 

“Fili…” Kili took his friend’s face in his hands. “When someone does this sort of thing… it’s their own decision. You didn’t do anything to make him do it. It was his own choice to try it.”

 

Fili pulled his face free, standing up. “I did it! I left him! You didn’t see how much of a mess he was when I got to him! He- I almost killed him, Kili!”

 

“If he kills himself then that is his choice, Fili!!” Kili stood up, yelling back. “I’m not saying this because I don’t care! I fucking care! He’s my friend too! But when someone is that far gone then no matter how much love and affection you shove into their face they won’t see it and will take that leap!... And how fucked up you already are… I don’t think you should be with him, not when he’s like that.”

 

“What?”

 

“If he’s trying to kill himself he needs professional help… like mom did…”

 

Fili went quiet. They never talked about Kili’s mother, for good reason. She had killed herself when Kili was ten. Had been in an asylum for three years before that. It was a painful memory for both of them. Kili hid in Fili’s house, crying in closets and under beds. Bilbo couldn’t get his son out of the house so he had to wait days while the child clung onto his friend and broke apart. Fili had witnessed Kili’s grief, Bilbo’s as well. He didn’t know what to do. He still didn’t when it came to mentioning of the lost member of the family.

 

“I’ll… deal with him as I see fit. He’s my boyfriend, I’m not going to do that to him.” Fili looked really uncomfortable, tired and upset.

 

“Just… don’t blame yourself if he doesn’t something, okay?” Kili licked his dry lips. “I know it’s easier said than done but it’s important to keep in mind.”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“I’ll… go down stairs and get a room with Thorin. See you for breakfast?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Fili?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I’m glad you’re back.”

 

 


	14. time passes

Fili was mildly surprised at how time passed after the festival. How moving Frerin into his own home was so easy. Sharing a room on a day to day basis was a little hard to adjust to, a few nights he found his boyfriend sleeping in a guest room because Fili needed space. When it came to that, he slipped under the sheets and gathered the slumbering man into his arms. Frerin cooked and at times he would talk to Fili as if he was still a butler. They wouldn’t notice that it happened until the next day and try to kick the habit of falling into the roles of Master and Servant. Holidays came and went while Fili tried to settle things with his lawyers. He actively fought his mother who tried to shove every bit of bad news under his nose to try and scare him into relenting his shares of his company. After every fight he was so livid that he drank until he couldn’t see straight only to wake up the next morning with a terrible hangover and a quiet boyfriend. Whatever he did when drunk, Frerin wouldn’t talk about. Instead he would try to focus on something positive, and Fili took it with a mixture of good grace and self berating.

 

What Fili liked the most was seeing the different sides of his boyfriend that many did not get the privilege of touching. Frerin was funny, he was playful. Surprise sex was something that Fili found to be one of his favorite things Frerin would do, from sneaking into the shower, to Fili waking up with his cock being sucked to even having dishes scattered to the floor for a round of mind blowing sex on the table. He was inventive with positions, a quick learner and communication in the bedroom was never lacking. Fili was still learning when Frerin was upset, the subtle movements that were warnings for him to not come up from behind and kiss the brunet’s neck. He was figuring out what he liked and disliked which most gourmet foods made Frerin’s nose wrinkle followed by a blanching soon as it hit his tongue.

 

So, when it came to the sixth month anniversary of Fili going steady with his boyfriend he had no idea what to do. He tried to talk to Frerin about it, Frerin seemed to not care at all. How could he not see how much they needed to celebrate this?! Fili had never been with someone longer than a week let alone six months! He had to take him out to dinner, they had to do dancing, watch some stupid movie he would never care about because he hated movies. They had to do something and Frerin was no help at all!

 

“FILI!!”

 

Fili slowly blinked as Kili came stomping into the office room. Frerin usually left him alone when he was in his office, only coming by during meal times or to remind him of something. It was his space, but when it came to Kili, space was a foreign concept.

 

“Fili, you would not believe the bullshit that Thorin is doing!” Kili grabbed a chair and threw himself into it.

 

“Is he going on another trip with your father? What would make this one? The third or fourth?”

 

“Fifth! If that was the case, which it’s not, thankfully. But it does make me wonder,” Kili kicked up his feet, resting them on the arm of Fili’s chair. “I mean, who the hell needs to go to London that much? And if I didn’t trust dad I would think they were fucking behind my back!!”

 

“You’re horney aren’t you?”

 

“You have no idea!!!” Kili groaned. “What do I need to do to get Thorin’s dick in me?”

 

“Uh… maybe ask him? I don’t know.”

 

“I have tried! And that’s the problem, I keep talking to him, keep asking him, I try to seduce him. I’m doing EVERYTHING, Fili and I can’t…” Kili sighed running a hand over his eyes. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”

 

“You’re telling me. Frerin won’t fucking talk to me about the anniversary. I’m trying here! But I can’t make reservations to any of the restaurants that I’m used to because he can’t stand the food. I mean, what the hell is wrong with rosemary lamb sauteed in lemon sauce served with a mediterranean salad?”

 

Kili looked up at the ceiling. “...maybe he has a sensitive palate.”

 

“What?”

 

“Well… that stuff has lots of flavors, maybe it’s too much for him. Thorin has the same thing, can’t stand over flavorful things. Said it’s because if the food has too many spices he can’t taste anything but the spices and it bothers him.”

 

Fili stared at Kili’s flopped back figure. That had never occurred to him.

 

“Meh,” Kili threw his feet down and leaned forward. He rested his elbows on his knees. “But really, something’s going insane in Thorin’s brain and I don’t know if I should call him my boyfriend or just a guy I kiss hello and goodbye to.”

 

“I’m… probably not the best person to talk to in this instance.” Fili confessed. After all, how was he supposed to know what to do?

 

“You got Frerin.”

 

“Because I love him and he put up with my shit.”

 

“By the way, how’s the um…” Kili made a cutting motion with his fingers over his wrists.

 

“Good,” Fili quickly answered. He nodded while tapping his fingers on the wood of his desk. “Real good. He bounced back rather quickly, sometimes he’ll get sad but nothing to a worrying point.”

 

Kili’s eyes softened. “Good… real good.”

 

“Kili?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Have you tried showing Thorin this side of you?”

 

“I show him all sides of me, hell I try going around him naked as much as dad will allow me to.”

 

“I mean, this side of you. The side that doesn’t joke. Have you showed him that you can be serious?”

 

“He knows I can be serious.” Kili frowned.

 

“But… I mean… does he know you are taking -him- seriously?”

 

“Of course he does! I mean, why else would I kiss him so often?”

 

“Because that’s what you do.”

 

Realization dawned on the brunet. “Oh god.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“He- well fuck! I like the guy not want to use him!”

 

“Then let him know.”

 

“How do I do that?”

 

Fili leaned away from Kili. “What are you looking at me for?”

 

“How did you confess to Frerin?”

 

“He nearly walked out of my life and I kicked myself for letting him walk out the door, after killing him, and believing he was dating Thorin.”

 

“Frerin and Thorin?” Kili’s lip curled. “That’s kinda hot.”

 

Fili sighed. “Why don’t you talk to Frerin about this shit? I have no idea what you want from me.”

 

“I want tender love and care and maybe a hand job.”

 

Blue eyes turned to the his desk, he wrote down “1 handjob every 4 hours” then wrote under it “prescribed by Dr. Notfuckingdoingit”. He tore the paper free and handed it to Kili. The brunet looked at it confused before he read the signature and burst out laughing. He quickly got up from the chair.

 

“God, I love your humor.” Kili snickered. “Fine, I’ll leave you alone for now but tonight I’m going to crash your crib and eat all your food. Dad and Thorin are doing more crap with Dis over video call. Can you believe it? She’s threatening to hire a private investigator now. Pfft, like she’ll find anything.”

 

“A PI?” Fili’s eyes flickered over to his phone. “Really?”

 

“Yep. She’s real butt hurt over how you kicked her to the curb. She’s just blowing smoke, Dad’s got the flames to light under her, she’s got nothing.”

 

Fili hummed a reply. Kili leaned over and stole a kiss from Fili’s lips and ran out of the room before Fili could hit him. The blond grumbled, he knew he would never get Kili to fully stop with the way he treated him. Frerin didn’t seem to mind, when he saw Kili steal a kiss from Fili the other day Fili spent an hour tripping over his own words. He was so flustered that he nearly threw up. Frerin had to stop him and firmly said, “It’s alright. Kili is just that way.”

 

Fili looked at his phone. His fingers drummed on the desk in thought. He swallowed around a lump that was building in his throat. If Dis got a hold of a PI like Fili did… the same things would show up. The things that he got after the pictures of Thorin and Frerin in the mall. The things that he kept quiet about. It was damaging… but how damaging, he wasn’t sure.

 

 


	15. payment

He got it! He finally knew what to do for his anniversary! Oh it was going to be one hell of a surprise to everyone. But first he had to settle something that was going to be a present. For this he enlisted Kili’s help.

 

“DNA.” Fili said sternly in the late hours of the night. Frerin was already in his bed, probably rolling around until the covers were a mess, unable to sleep properly without Fili beside him.

 

“You serious?” Kili’s brow creased in confusion.

 

“Yes. It’s all I need you to get for me.”

 

“And how am I supposed to provide you with said DNA? Because you know, I haven’t even slept with the man. How am I supposed to go up to him and go, ‘hey, kiss buddy, mind spitting in this for me?’”

 

“I don’t care how you do it, just get it.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because.”

 

“Because why?”

 

“Just because.”

 

Kili stared at his best friend before he drew in a long breath. “Are you backing some clone experiments or something?”

 

“No.”

 

“Some random baby show up and has Thorin’s nose?”

 

“No.”

 

“Then-”

 

“Just- Please, Kili! It’s important.”

 

Kili gave a long groan, “But- uuuuh, fine. Fine! But you owe me.”

 

“Thank you,” Fili grabbed Kili’s cheeks giving him a solid kiss on the mouth. He smiled brightly making Kili flustered while he smiled back. He never had seen Fili so happy before. “Thank you so much, Kili. I owe you big time.”

 

“Enough for a good fuck?”

 

“Kili.”

 

“I know, I know. Frerin has to know and approve. Damn man, what happened to being able to just fuck each other until we couldn’t breath?”

 

Fili ran a hand through his long golden hair. “We grew up.”

 

“Yeah…” Kili tilted his head to the side. “I don’t think I ever said this but… you look good with long hair. It’s also good to see that Frerin’s is getting a good length too… what’s that like in bed?”

 

“Honestly,” Fili bit his bottom lip, blushing.

 

Kili’s mouth shaped into a round ‘O’ as he cooed softly. “Look at you, blushing, so cute.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“But seriously, long hair, in bed.”

 

Fili’s cheeks burned hot. “It feels nice. I like tangling my fingers in the soft locks, tugging on it when he’s in me, feel it tickle over my chest. When we like to go at it rough I can braid his hair and pull.” Fili let out a groan, “And the sounds he makes when I play with his hair when we’re going at it, NHF!”

 

“Can I PLEASE at least get a video of you guys going at it? You’re hot as hell and those noises he made back in that hotel in Arden, I need to hear more because I cream my pants thinking about it.”

 

“You’re also sex deprived.”

 

“I am -very- sex deprived… Say, for this whole Thorin thing… to pay me back could you ask Frerin if I could sit in?” He quickly added, “No touching!... except for myself.”

 

Fili slapped his hand over his face. “For fuck’s sake.”

 

“I’m serious!”

 

“I know you are!” Fili ran his hand down his face, pulling at the skin to make his face look funny. “Uuuugh, fine. Since this DNA thing is such a big deal, I will ask him.”

 

“Speaking of the DNA thing… how much do I need and how soon?”

 

“As soon as possible and just a little spit would do, um, hair with the root intact, few drops of blood, whatever you want.”

 

“Jizz is good, yes?”

 

“Yes, yes it is.”

 

There was a light knock on the wall. The two looked over to a tired Frerin who was dressed in one of Fili’s shirts and boxer briefs was leaning against the wall. His dark hair barely touched his shoulders, messy and full bodied. He gave a lazy smile.

 

“Ask him, oh my god, ask him.” Kili hissed into Fili’s ear while leaning heavily on him.

 

“Fine, just get off me!” Fili hissed back shaking his friend off.

 

“You two okay?” Frerin watched them. “It’s real late.”

 

Fili pulled away from Kili, he went to his boyfriend, placing a kiss on his cheek. “We just had some stuff to talk about.”

 

“Must be important to last until three in the morning.”

 

“It is, Kili was helping me with preparing for our anniversary. He had some good ideas.” The blond ran his hands up Frerin’s sides, looking at his sleepy beauty. “But he’s doing a big favor for me and I… uh, I owe him for it.”

 

“He wants a threesome for payment, doesn’t he?” Frerin lazily ran his hands through Fili’s hair. Bunching the gold in between his fingers.

 

“I can just watch!” Kili piped up.

 

“You don’t need to answer now.” Fili quickly added.

 

Frerin made an interesting expression. He was pulled between saying no because he didn’t like others being interested in his sexual life. His lover was just that -his- lover. But at the same time he knew Kili enough by now to know that it was just sex for him, nothing else was expected afterwards. Kili was a sexual creature but it didn't make him a bad person

 

“Think about it.” Fili said softly. He didn’t want to force Frerin ever again to do anything he did not want to do.

 

“I-It could be just a show right?”

 

“Of course.” Kili said.

 

Frerin’s fingers played with Fili’s hair. “And how important is this favor to you?”

 

“Very important, but don’t you dare make that a factor in your decision.” He pushed himself up against his boyfriend’s body, they were so close he could taste Frerin’s breath. “It won’t hurt him if you say no. And the deal was that I would only ask you.”

 

Enchanting hazel eyes roamed over Fili’s features. Frerin licked his lips, his heart picking up in pace. He was uncomfortable with this, but if he was laying down the ground rules then it wasn’t that bad… right? And this was for Fili, whatever he was doing was very important… and Kili has helped them so much in the past with never asking for anything in return.

 

“I… I guess I don’t mind, but only once.”

 

“Only once!” Kili was nearly hopping.

 

“And only watching.”

 

“Right hand to god, only watching.” Kili put one hand to his chest and the other up in the air.

 

“And not tonight.”

 

“Bu-”

 

“Kili.” Fili’s voice rumbled in a growl.

 

“Not tonight,” Kili repeated.

 

“I want you to think about this longer,” Fili stated. “Think about it until after Kili does what he promised to do.”

 

Kili’s face fell into remorse as Frerin agreed. He heaved a loud sigh knowing that Fili was right. After all, he was supposed to be with Thorin but where was that going? Maybe he could just talk to him tomorrow and figure everything out and the whole watching the two sex each other up wouldn’t need to happen. But as Fili kissed at Frerin, his hands sliding into the stretchy material of the man’s underwear Kili couldn’t help the swell of his cock. He watched how their mouths slotted together, flashes of wet tongue dancing with each other. He had to watch at some point in time. They were hot together and it wouldn't leave his mind. Besides they seemed to have forgotten he was still in the room as Fili pressed Frerin up against the wall, his hands gripping at butt. He rolled his hips forward elisting a delicious whimper from the brunet.

 

When the two parted their lips were shiny with saliva and red with desire. Frerin rubbed at Fili’s neck. The way they looked at each other really told Kili they forgot where they were and who was with them. They could only see each other.

 

“Have I ever told you how much I enjoy you taking care of me?” Frerin gently rubbed his nose along Fili’s.

 

“Mmm, a few times, but I could do with some reminding.”

 

Holy crap, was that Fili? He never spoke like that when he was bedding Kili. They were all playful banter, grunting and feral moans. This was tenderness, affection, love. He watched Frerin give a seductive hum, his hands running down Fili’s back, rumpling up the shirt. His fingers worked on getting a hold of the fabric, slowly pulling it out from under Fili’s belt and pants where it had been tucked into.

 

“It’s late though.”

 

“We’ll sleep in tomorrow.”

 

“And breakfast?”

 

Fili nipped Frerin’s bottom lip, “We’ll order.”

 

Fili pulled his hands out of Frerin’s underwear. He grabbed his boyfriend’s hand and pulled him along, “Goodnight, Kili.”

 

“You fucking bastards.” Kili cursed. “You fucking teases!!!”

 

There was a pair of laughs that came to his ears. He grumbled and reached down to his crotch where his cock was half hard. He cradled his cock and balls through the material of his pants, he hunched over a little to look at his groin.

 

“Don’t worry, babies, I know you’re hungry and Daddy will feed you but you gotta be patient.” He stroked his balls and dick with his other hand. “Shh, shh, babies. Let’s go see if they left their door open. Would you like that?” He jiggled his balls. “Yeah? So would I. Let’s go follow them.”

 

Soon as they were in their room, Fili shoved at Frerin’s shoulders sending him crashing down onto the bed. With practiced grace he slipped on top of his lover, straddling his hips while unbuttoning his shirt. He rocked his hips, rubbing his ass over Frerin hardening cock while hands greedily sought out his exposed chest. Fingers brushed over his nipples, playing with golden curls.

 

“You good for a quicky before sleep?” Fili tilted his head to the side, his breath hitching.

 

“You could fuck me in my sleep and I would be good for it.” Frerin lifted his hips. His eyes closed as he moaned from the shock of pleasure the added friction created. “L-love feeling you.”

 

“Shit,” Fili put his hands over Frerin’s as he continued to rub his butt down. He guided those wonderful hands down to his belt. “Need to screw myself down onto ya.”

 

Frerin worked on the belt, opening it up easily. He bit his bottom lip, looking through his lashes up at his former master. “May I suck on you first?”

 

“You want my fat cock in that pretty mouth of yours?” Fili licked his lips as his pants were unzipped and folded open. Frerin’s hand slipped inside pulling out a hard dick. He gave a few good strokes while nodding.

 

Well, how could Fili say no to that sweet face?

 

He shuffled up, leaning forward onto his hands and knees. He brought his hips up, his cock hovering over Frerin’s face. The brunet leaned up licking up the side as he grabbed the backs of Fili’s thighs. It was something they both liked, the rubbing of Fili’s cock over Frerin’s face as he gave gentle laps of his tongue until the fleshy rod was saturated. It would drive them both crazy, the prolonged teasing it caused would force out some pre-cum to dribble out of Fili and onto Frerin’s face. Then like a pup to a mother’s tit, Frerin would take Fili’s cock into his mouth. He flattened his tongue, he sucked inch by inch in until he couldn’t take any more. Slowly, he pulled his head back careful of his teeth.

 

Fili let out a huff of satisfaction, a prickle of pleasure encompassed his hips, rushing up his spine. His heart fluttered as he looked down watching his cock disappear once more into that sinfully good mouth. His mouth kept open as he started to pant, warmth filling his cheeks, hands and toes. He rested on his elbows on the pillows as he gave a little rock of his hips. He was rewarded with a hum from his boyfriend that took him deeper into his mouth and into his throat. Fili grunted in satisfaction. Frerin pulled on Fili’s thighs, encouraging him to continue rocking. But Fili pulled back, saliva dripping from his milky tip.

 

Frerin’s hands slid up grabbing handfuls of pants and butt. He gave a whimper of pleading, trying to lean his head up to drink at Fili’s milk.

 

“Easy, not going to last long if you keep doing that.” Fili reached down, caressing Frerin’s head.

 

“I like sucking on you.” Frerin looked up at him, licking his red lips.

 

“Fuck.” Fili bucked his hips his cock sliding across Frerin’s jaw to his cheek.

 

“Exactly what I want you to do to my mouth.” Frerin nuzzled Fili’s dick while giving it a little lick.

 

“Fucking hell!” Fili grabbed his cock and shoved it back into his boyfriend’s mouth. Frerin relaxed his mouth, opening it as wide as he could. He brought his hands up and down, slipping his hands into Fili’s pants. He grabbed handfuls of warm flesh. He flexed his hands, massaging as Fili rolled his hips. His hand went to the side table, groping around for the drawer. Fili saw what he was doing and sat back a little to open the drawer. He pulled out the bottle of lube and opened it. He poured some into Frerin’s hand before leaned back down to run his hand through Frerin’s dark hair.

 

“There you go.” Fili moaned.

 

Frerin returned his hand to Fili’s butt, slipping the lube over skin and down to a sweet pucker. He circled the ring of muscle, pressing his finger in every once in a while. The blond whimpered in the back of his throat, panting. He was torn from screwing himself back onto Frerin’s finger, that was being joined with a second, or fucking forward into that delicious mouth that flexed over his girth. Once that second finger was in, scissoring, streatching, Fili wanted more.

 

He pulled off, dismounted and stood on the floor, taking off his clothing fully. He paused, feeling watched. He looked up from where he crouched, sliding down his pants. Kili was watching from the doorway, flushed cock in hand. Kili gave an apologetic look and had the decency to look ashamed down at his needy dick.

 

“Frerin?” Fili looked over his shoulder to his boyfriend who was wiggling out of his boxer briefs.

 

“Hm?”

 

Fili looked back at Kili who was waving his hands around. Fili bit his lip, stepping out of his pants. He was risking a lot to do this but… if this would pay back Kili for his services. He looked at his friend pointedly as if that alone would tell Kili exactly what he was thinking. Kili nodded vigorously.

 

“I was wondering, would you rather have me fuck you down into the mattress?”

 

“I thought you wanted me in you.” Frerin got up onto his knees, he crawled over kissing at Fili’s back.

 

The blond shivered, feeling the prickle of facial hair in contrast to wet and soft lips and tongue.

 

“I just want to spoil you.”

 

“Spoiling me would be to have you riding my cock while fucking me into the mattress.” He kissed around Fili’s back to his ribs giving a soft suck.

 

“Kili could always- OW!” Fili jumped from being bit.

 

“That was for suggesting it. He’s with Thorin. I’m not going to participate in cheating against my best friend.”

 

“I know,” Fili rubbed his bite. “I just… It’s different with Kili and well… I’m sorry.”

 

“Master Fili,” Frerin still had not noticed Kili, his eyes focused solely on his lover. He pulled on Fili, turning him around. He looked into Fili’s stunning blue eyes, pulling on him while laying back onto the bed.

 

Fili followed, mounting Frerin. “I’m sorry.” He said again.

 

“I know.” Frerin kissed at Fili’s chest. “Can we continue, Master Fili?”

 

“Yes.” Fili ran his fingers through Frerin’s dark hair, getting a grip as he rubbed his ass down, feeling a hard cock between his slicked butt cheeks. He reached between their bodies, grabbing a hold of Frerin’s dick, guiding it to his pucker.

 

“Wait a second.” Frerin reached back for the lube, getting a little more onto his hand before shooing Fili’s hand away from his cock. He grabbed a hold of himself, spreading the lube around. “Okay.”

 

Fili slowly lowered himself, taking his time to fully sheath Frerin’s girth. It felt heavy in him, full and swollen. He pressed his hands down on Frerin’s chest, running fingers through soft dark curls. Frerin looked up at his lover, his heart hammering in his chest as the golden man licked his lips, looking at him as if he was something delicious to savor. His hands rubbed over Fili’s thighs, dragging up to his pelvis where he used his thumbs to massage the muscles at the hips, then in front where Fili’s cock bobbed up and swayed from the administration.

 

The blond closed his eyes. His body shivered, a moan escaping his lips. He bucked his hips making Frerin’s cock rub against his walls, pressing up against his prostate. His mouth fell open pulling in a gasp. A shock of ecstasy shot up his spine.

 

“Fu-nh!” Frerin dug his heels into the mattress bouncing his hips.

 

“Frerin!”

 

Frerin sat further up, his mouth finding Fili’s nipple. His tongue swirling around the hardened nub. Fili’s hands gathered in his hair pulling hard enough to make Frerin let go. He leaned down kissing the brunet with tongue and teeth, huffing his breath through his nose as he raised up and thudded down, digging Frerin’s cock against his prostate.

 

“Fuck me,” he said against moist lips. He took up one of Frerin’s hands, kissing at the scars on his wrist. Blue eyes looked at the brunet with love and lust. He wanted to be opened up, feel the burn of his abused hole for days and he knew how to do it. He kissed Frerin’s scars again. “Show me how much you love me.”

 

Like he expected, it riled his lover up. Frerin growled with a feral gleam in his eyes. He hated his love and loyalty questioned, even to this level. When Fili first found out what was the result for doing so, it lead to being tired for a full day, his ass aching for days and his cock sore with a flustered boyfriend that would apologize and wait on him hand and foot while he just smiled with a soppy grin of love and satisfaction.

 

He was lifted up and thrown onto his back, his knees grabbed and opened up. He shouted when his cock was swallowed down unexpectedly. His hands went down to Frerin’s head as he mercilously bobbed and suched. His tongue lapping at his tip, playing with his slit. Lips worked over his foreskin making his sensitive head weep cum.

 

“F-frerin! Shi- oh god!!” He bucked up into that mouth that easily worked him, stealing his breath away, his heart hammering into his throat. Before he knew it he was shaking, his balls drawing up and shooting his seed into his boyfriend’s throat. The milky white spilled down on his lap, little of it swallowed.

 

Frerin grabbed Fili’s quivering thighs. The blond was still trying to catch his breath when a hard cock was pressed into him. Fili gasped, a whimper escaping his throat. He pawed at Frerin. Holding on to him for dear life as the man used all his body to thrust into the golden haired man. He groaned with delight as his world spun. He could feel the burn of the drag of Frerin’s cock, the slap of heavy balls up against his butt cheeks. He slid a few inches across the bed, his eyes barely cracking open to see Kili working his cock hard, frantically pumping himself. His other hand was over his mouth trying to keep himself quiet. There was already white splatters over his knuckles. From how his eyes were squinted, his legs shaking, he was pushing himself into another climax.

 

“I love you.” Frerin breathed over Fili’s neck, the words washing over his jaw and into his ear. “I love you, Fili.”

 

He chanted the words, Fili could only whimper and moan in response, trying to reply. His body was constantly quivering now, his tired cock rubbed between their bodies trying to harden. He couldn’t find his voice, he had to say that he loved Frerin back the only way he could. He kissed and sucked on any bit of flesh he could get close to his lips. He grazed his teeth over salty skin as his eyes watered. He wasn’t going to cry, but something twisted inside of him, whispering that he was letting Kili watch without permission. He was betraying him. His back arched, his body trembled as another climax ripped through him. He held onto Frerin, biting his shoulder, shouting against his skin. Frerin kept going at a punishing pace. When he emptied into Fili it was easily welcomed. What wasn’t welcomed was Kili’s hand falling from his mouth when he shot his second load in his hand.

 

The warmth of what was supposed to be the afterglow didn’t come. Frerin’s attention shot straight to Kili, his hazel eyes narrowed. Kili swallowed, realizing he probably shouldn’t have taken the liberty of watching. Before anyone could say anything Kili quickly shut the door.

 

Frerin pulled out of Fili’s body, getting off of the bed. “That little…” He growled.

 

“Frerin,” Fili caught his boyfriend’s arm. “It’s okay.”

 

“Okay?! How is this okay?!” I said not tonight! I said…” He cut himself off seeing Fili’s fallen expression. “Did… did you know he was there?”

 

“I-”

 

Frerin pulled his arm away from Fili. “You knew and didn’t say anything?”

 

“It was just watching, Frerin.”

 

“Just watching? Just…” Frerin scoffed. “Right… I forgot.” He licked his lips, obviously upset. He got up going over to the dresser, fishing out clothing to viciously sticking them on.

 

“What are you doing?” Fili got up, his limbs feeling weak.

 

“Sleeping in another room. You can sleep with Kili tonight.”

 

Fili stood still. Frerin’s voice didn’t sound snippy or hurt, it was worse. It sounded like he was a servant once more, accepting things he couldn’t change.

 

“No, Frerin,” Fili hugged grabbed his boyfriend by the shoulders. “This is not about me wanting to reconnect with him. This was- It’s…”

 

“Payment.” Something in Frerin’s eyes made Fili feel that stab of guilt twist.

 

“...I…” It was, payment… but he always thought of it as a favor for a favor not using his boyfriend to pay someone for said favor. “I…”

 

“I hope it was worth it.” Frerin tried to get away from Fili.

 

“It’s for you!”

 

“For me? How could any of this be for me?”

 

“He… I can’t say…”

 

“I see.” Frerin pushed around Fili heading for the door.

 

“Frerin, I’m sorry. I-I should have said something, I should have sent him away. I’m sorry.”

 

The brunet stopped. Fili pressed up behind him, hugging him close. “Come back to bed… please…I really am sorry.”

 

It took a bit more coaxing before Frerin returned to bed. Even more coaxing had to be exercised to get his arms around the man. They rested together in the quiet. Each breath Fili drew in seemed harder to do. It ate at him, what he knew, what he had done. He hugged Frerin closer. He felt the evened breathing of his lover, slumbering tenderly after having a minor dispute. That was, minor to Frerin, who forgave Fili of so much, but to the blond… it reminded him of a man who slit his wrists, scared that he would never be with the person he loved.

 

“I love you.” He said on a shaky breath. He pressed a kiss to Frerin’s dark hair. “I’m sorry... I’m sorry.” He knew Frerin would forgive him, he was a good man, a kind man. But Fili was learning new things such as guilt and he didn’t know how to handle it.

 

 


	16. drinking away troubles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long. I'm in the process of trying to find a new place to live and have little time until that is achieved.
> 
> Wish me luck!

Thorin put down his fifth heavy drink with a hard clack on the wooden table top. He pointed at his companion who had managed to put away his seventh and was staring at the dartboard across the pub themed bar. He flicked his finger between the empty drinks over to the dartboard as if that said everything. Frerin shook his head and leaned back in his seat, he gave a heavy sigh letting his lips flap making a horse like sound from boredom. He rubbed at his thighs as he came to a drunk realisation that he didn’t feel any better than he did before he pressed his first drink to his lips.

 

“You know.” Thorin rubbed his fingers down the edges of his lips as he stretched his jaw. His world was muddled and hazy leaving a pleasant tingle in his fingers. “I was wondering where I’ve seen your face be-before.” Thorin’s vision spun a little bit when his eyes suddenly flicked up to look at his friend across from him. He rubbed at his brow second guessing the brilliant idea of drinking without food in his stomach.

 

“You want fries? Chips, whatever they’re called. Fried up slices of potatoes.” Frerin frowned as he scanned the room. “Think we should eat something.”

 

“Joel… Edgerton, same kinda face shape and… and eyes.” Thorin continued. “Saw him in movies before.”

 

“Rather have a sandwich, you want a sandwich? Maybe a sandwich and fries… don’t like burgers.”

 

“Kili says I look like some Richard guy. Pfft, I don’t see it.”

 

“I’m getting us sandwiches and fries.” Frerin tried to get up, his legs giving out from under him. He barely had enough reaction to clutch at the table to stabilize himself. Thorin’s hand shot out grabbing a hold of Frerin’s sleeve. He held tight, pulling harder than he meant to and instead of keeping Frerin up he smacked his friend into the table. Frerin gave a laugh. Something in his drunken mind took control of his body and he climbed onto the polished wood top, knocking glasses over to the floor. He was on his knees as he leaned over Thorin who only stared at him with wide blue eyes as if startled.

 

They stared at each other for a while before Frerin reached over and stroked at Thorin’s clean cut hair.

 

“You-” He started as he caressed and petted. “Are-... something.”

 

“I’m something.” Thorin repeated drunkenly leaning into the touches.

 

“Yesh,” Frerin pushed his fingers into Thorin’s cheeks to try to make him smile. “But you don’t smile enough.”

 

“You smile too much.” Thorin calmly winched when a finger slipped and went into his nose. He grabbed Frerin’s wrist and pulled at it to remove the finger.

 

“I smile the right amount.” Frerin laid on his side knocking the rest of the glasses off of table. He rolled onto his back, his legs dangling over the edge.

 

“You’re not even happy.” Thorin looked around, suddenly realizing there was nothing left to drink.

 

“I am happy.”

 

Thorin pushed at Frerin as he wiggled his way out of his seat. “No you’re not. You didn’t laugh at one pun tonight. I’m gonna get some more… whatever it was we were drinking.”

 

“Bring me a sandwich.” Frerin held up a hand in the air.

 

Frerin stared up at the ceiling, drawing a deep breath through his nose and released it through his mouth, lips flapping again. He swung his legs, letting his drunken head mill over things that drove him to the bar in the first place. It didn’t get far as he got distracted with lifting up his legs and trying to grab at his shoe laces. He was glad that Thorin and him were having this time to hang out. He was grateful for it. He loved the man and his grumpy exterior. He knew the soft insides, saw it every time Thorin smiled, saw it every time he drew in a long sigh from Bilbo’s teasing, saw it every time he looked at Kili. Kili… unintentional problem causing Kili. The kid had a good heart, but seriously needed to know what rules were. And respect.

 

“Kili needs to what?” Thorin asked as he came back with four more drinks. He elbowed Frerin’s thigh making him loose grip on his shoe laces.

 

“What?” Frerin blinked.

 

“You said Kili was an unintentional problem causer with a good heart but needs to know something. What was it?”

 

He had said that out loud? Well fuck.

 

“Is that why you’re all mopy?”

 

“Mmmmopy?” Frerin wrinkled his nose. That was a weird word to hear Thorin say.

 

“Mmmhmm,” Thorin nudged Frerin again making him roll over and off of the table with a loud thud onto the floor. He ignored the groan from below as he put the drinks on the now empty table.

 

A set of hazel eyes eventually came up over the edge, “Sandwich?”

 

“It’s coming… What time is it?”

 

Thorin took one of his drinks and drank the hard liquor until the glass was empty. When he was done he put it on the floor and coughed from the vapors that went up his throat. He shook his head which made him sway to the side. Was this really the stuff he had been drinking all night? He tilted to the side and looked at the empty glasses on the floor. Yes, yes it had been, and he had made sure to drink things that were of a less proof than what Frerin was packing away. He only was there to drink to forget how much he wanted Kili to just kiss him, touch him, but he was scared. He was terrified that he would become boring, that Kili would need to have other lovers and he would just have to shut up and let him bed anyone he chose. It hurt so badly to just think about that it placed him in perpetual fear around the man he wanted to call boyfriend.

 

As for Frerin, Thorin had no idea what was wrong with him. Something happened and at his best guess it brought up bad memories.

 

“Fuck should I know.” Frerin took several tries to get up enough to get into his seat.

 

“Fili said you should be back around… around…” Thorin felt his body try to reject what he had just drank. He pressed his lips against his wrist. Maybe he shouldn’t finish his last drink.

 

“Fili said, Fili said.” Frerin picked up one of his drinks and sipped at it. He had pounded back the first half of his drinks earlier, the rest he drank slowly. It made him drunk faster and kept him drunk. Frerin suddenly pointed at Thorin, “You know what Fili said?”

 

“No.”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“What?”

 

“He didn’t say a damn thing! He should have said something! He- he should have defended me but he- he didn’t.”

 

“He didn’t defend you?”

 

Frerin’s face twisted up in sorrow. He lowered his head into the crook of his elbow as he choked on a sob. “I don’t want to do that again. Not again.”

 

Thorin’s brows drew together in concern. He really had no idea what was going on, the alcohol prevented him from grasping too much. Every word of comfort was plucked from his brain and refused. Instead he reached over and rubbed at his friend’s quaking shoulder. Dragging his numbing hand through messy dark hair. He pressed harder than he meant to and if Frerin noticed he didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to do. He was always rubish at helping someone, especially emotionally.

 

He didn’t know how long they were like that, Frerin crying into his elbow, Thorin roughly patting and petting him. It wasn’t until the waiter came over with an order of fries and a large roast beef sandwich. The rotund red head looked at them worriedly. He shook his head leaving them be. He went back into the kitchen picking up the phone to call a cab that he was certain the two would need.

 

Thorin, meanwhile, took the opportunity to try to distract his friend.

 

“You’re sandwich is here.”

 

“No, it’s not.” Frerin whined.

 

“It is, here.” He picked up half of the sandwich and started to stuff it as best he could in an opening to try to get it to Frerin’s face.

 

“My sandwich.” Frerin sniffed, slowly moving enough to grab it and press his face on it. If he was actually eating it or hugging it, Thorin wouldn’t know.

 

The two were so drunk they didn’t respond to the ringing cell phone that started up an hour later. Thorin barely managed to calm down Frerin, they picked at their food and didn’t notice the fact that the phone was ringing and ringing until the waiter came again. Thorin was nodding off and Frerin was completely passed out on an empty plate. He picked around their pockets until he found the ringing phone. He answered and put the phone to his ear.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Frerin!” Fili’s panicked voice came over the line. “Where the hell are you? You’re never out this-... wait, who is this?”

 

“B-bombur?”

 

“Bombur.” Fili glared to the side. “What are you doing with Frerin’s phone?”

 

“He-he uh… I’m a waiter at the Palace Pub.”

 

“That doesn’t tell me why you have Frerin’s phone!”

 

“He’s passed out drunk!” Bombur squeaked. “I-I called a cab…”

 

Fili sighed heavily. Passed out drunk? This wasn’t like Frerin at all. “Cancel the cab, I’ll be there shortly.”

 

Fili hung up. He ran a hand over his face. He had thought Frerin had forgiven him, he acted fine all day, why go out and get smashed?

 

He got one of his cars, searched for the Palace Pub on his phone’s GPS and hurried over. When he got there his insides twisted at seeing the large waiter cleaning up empty glasses on the floor. He gathered back loose hair and looked at his boyfriend’s face that showed remnants of tears with mayo and roast beef around his mouth. He took a napkin and wiped at Frerin’s cheeks. He didn’t know what to do besides get Bombur to help him load the two men into the car. He thanked Bombur and tipped him graciously. He took them both to his home. It was difficult to drag two men with dead weight. He got Frerin into bed, pulling off his shoes. Thorin was more difficult as he was heavier and of larger build than Frerin. Fili managed to get him halfway onto the bed before he gave up leaving Thorin only half on the bed. Thorin mumbled in his sleep and Fili patted his shoulder as he panted from the exherstion of hefting such a heavy load.

 

He went to his room where he laid down. He looked at his lover’s back with worry when he started to hear a tender whimper. He only heard that when Frerin had hurt himself. Late at night when he woke up for one reason or another, hearing the tiny whimper as his beloved trembled in a tight ball.

 

He adjusted himself, stroking at soft dark hair. He dragged his fingers through the locks slowly working Frerin’s whimpers down and back into a relaxed state. Fili’s mind asked question after question; What happened to him? Why was he acting like this? ...Why wouldn’t Frerin let him in?

 

He knew only things on paper, things that were facts that could be proved in a court of law thanks to the PI. But there was more, damages done that wanted to be forgotten. What were they? More importantly… how did he approach this? He had no idea. Kili always offered information with little prying and Kili… well he grew up with Kili, he knew what buttons he was pushing before he even pushed them. When it came to a lover he never cared. Now he was dedicated to someone that had been as faithful as a loving hound. What did he do? How would he do it?

 

 


	17. Help Me Breathe

Kili’s mouth pulled to the side in disapproval as he watched Thorin sleeping on the floor of one of Fili’s guest bedrooms. Fili had texted him in the middle of the night telling him that Thorin was okay but he didn’t say that he just dumped the man on the floor. Then again, the fact that Thorin went out and got so drunk he couldn’t walk he rather deserved to sleep on the floor. Not to mention he made Kili worry and his imagination run wild with every possible thing and it drove him insane for several hours.

 

He crouched over his boyfriend while taking something out of his pocket. He had ransacked Bilbo’s nursing supplies and got some sealable swabs. He popped the top and debated on giving Thorin the discomfort of stuffing the large swab up the man’s nostril. It would be funny to watch. 

 

He thought about it for a bit longer.

 

The swab went towards his nose but diverted down to a slack mouth where Kili swabbed the inside of Thorin’s cheek. He sealed it up and pocketed it. 

 

“Come on, handsome.” Kili gently tapped Thorin’s face. “Wake up.”

 

The man only groaned and rolled over to rub his face against the carpet.

 

“Wake up, it’s time to go home.” Kili pulled on Thorin’s arm trying to get the dead weight of the drunk up. “God, you’re heavy.”

 

“You need any help?” A voice came from the other room.

 

“No, I got it, dad!” He pulled on Thorin some more. “Come on, up, up.”

 

Thorin groaned and with surprising strength pulled Kili down to the floor in a graceless pile of limbs. He hummed and nuzzled up to Kili then let out a long, foul smelling breath that made Kili’s eyes water. Kili coughed and tried not to choke. The only thing worse than a hangover was the morning breath of someone sleeping off liquor. 

 

Bilbo peeked into the room seeing Kili struggling and shrugged it off, he was doing well. He instead turned his attention to the blond that was currently sitting by a window in complete silence. He walked down the hall to the small alcove that Fili sat in, his breakfast untouched, his coffee cold. 

 

“What’s on your mind?” Bilbo asked softly. 

 

Fili didn’t look away from the window, only gave a slight movement of his head as an indication that he even heard the question. He swallowed, taking his time to muddle through his swarming thoughts. He pressed his lips together as his eyes prickled. His own fears of spending so many years alone were welling up inside of him. He was having doubts now that Frerin would ever forgive him. He was second guessing his every move after last night. He had thought that things would fall back together because he blindly wanted to believe that Frerin could never leave him, not after they came to an understanding; Fili would follow him to the ends of the earth. But when Frerin shied away from him that morning… when Frerin simply cooked and didn’t talk beyond a few words of apologies of shame for getting so drunk… it scared Fili. It scared him because it reminded him too much of the man in the hotel room with fresh wounds and tears in his eyes.

 

“Fili?” Bilbo pressed a hand to the man’s shoulder.

 

Fili blinked rapidly and tried to compose himself quickly. “I’m alright, uncle Bill.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah,” he nearly coughed out.

 

“Tell me what happened.” Bilbo sat down on the arm of Fili’s chair.

 

“Nothing. They only drank too much.”

 

Bilbo frowned. He wasn’t a fool, he knew something was going on. Thorin never drank to this point nor Frerin. Then there was the fact that Fili was eating somewhere else while Frerin barely ventured past a few rooms. They were avoiding each other, it was easy to see. 

 

He rubbed at Fili’s back. How was he supposed to approach this without making Fili’s temper flair?

 

“I find…” He hesitated. The words weren’t right. He had to start again. “When someone does something that they usually don’t, it’s always best to ask why.”

 

“Frerin-” Fili was already growling in defense.

 

“I know, I know. I’m saying, you need him to talk to you.” Bilbo interrupted. “I’m not pretending to know what happened but it’s something that’s seeded in the past, my boy. Have him help you understand.” 

 

“And how do I do that? How can I just go up to him and- and- not after- f-”

 

“Fuck!!” Kili’s voice barked from down the hall right over Fili’s rather meager exclamation.

 

Despite himself Bilbo smiled a little. He slipped his hand over his honorary nephew’s shoulder. “It’ll be scary, but you need to ask him to tell you about his past, any sketchy detail that might have caused this trouble between you two.” Bilbo’s smile flickered. “I learned that the hard way with Kili’s mum…”

 

Fili reached up and took hold of Bilbo’s sleeve. “What if… I… have to-” He shivered, looking sick at the prospect of being away from the man he let into his life. They had already gone through so much, why couldn’t things just smooth out and be fine for once?

 

Bilbo swallowed. He wanted to tell the blond that he should let go, make peace with the living before it was too late to pretend with the dead. He felt the scared pull of the past, reminding him of his own wretched poison that the greedily drank that impacted Kili so much. He couldn’t pretend that his own pain with Kili’s mother, the constant struggle, permanently damaged his son. Kili was addicted to sex on a psychological level and he knew it. Kili needed to have physical evidence that he was loved because it had been so hard to get anything from Bilbo for a few years, he got nothing from his own mother beyond psychotic breaks that ended up with the two baking until the kitchen was filled and the Baked Alaska caught the room on fire.

 

He felt Fili’s hand slip from his. He looked to the blond, watching him hold his head in his hands. They remained quiet, the heaviness of the situation preventing them from hearing Kili’s struggling. They didn’t notice when Frerin came around, slipping into the room to help Kili pick Thorin up off of the floor.

 

Frerin gave a subtle snort of laughter at seeing Kili flailing one arm the other trying to get unwedged from where it was pinned between him and Thorin.

 

"He's a heavy sleeper, I take it." Frerin folded his arms over his chest.

 

"A little," Kili grunted.

 

"You know, you can stay until he sleeps it off. It might be for the best."

 

Kili hesitated. He honestly wanted to curl up under Thorin and die from shame. Frerin and Fili never talked to him about the "incident", which only meant one of two things: they were livid with him or, and his least favorite choice to face is that they were fighting each other and everything was a ticking time bomb. If it came to that, he didn't know what kind aftermath he would be faced with. 

 

When he finally opened his mouth Frerin was gone. He sighed flopping his hand on Thorin's shoulder. He gently rubbed when his boyfriend nuzzled closer. He pressed his cheek against Thorin's nose trying to ignore the stench of alcohol wafting over him with each breath. Kili felt his stomach clench with the realization that there were no more options. It was all a ticking time bomb. But any bomb could be defused, the question was: how?

 

Bilbo peeked around the corner. "I think it is time for us to leave, son."

 

"Just use your telekinetic powers to lift me and Thorin."

 

Bilbo came onto the room, dipping down to take a firm hold on Thorin. "Anything you say, you want me to tuck you in at night too?"

 

"That would be lovely. " Kili grunted as he pushed while Bilbo pulled. "How did Fili get the corpse in here?!"

 

"God," Bilbo puffed. "You need to trade him in for a sleeker model, one that isn't as ton!"

 

There was a heavy sigh that floated over to them. Fili came in, dipping down to assist. Fili took one arm, Kili the other, and Bilbo took hold of the ankles. On the count of three they lifted him and staggered out the door. They made it to the car with Bilbo dropping Thorin’s legs periodically to run forward and open a door. A good three more minutes was spent trying to figure out how to put the unconscious man into the back seat of a sports car.

 

"Crawl in there and pull him in afterwards. " Fili said.

 

"And what if I need help pulling him in? I couldn't get out from under him without help!" Kili protested. 

 

"Uncle Bill is small enough to join you back there!"

 

"Then we both will be trapped!"

 

"When you get him home, how do you purpose to get him out of the car?" Frerin's voice spoke up behind them.

 

Fili struggled to look behind him, Thorin’s arm over his shoulder preventing him from seeing his boyfriend. 

 

“We, uh, we…” Bilbo bit his bottom lip. The atmosphere had suddenly gotten thick from the intensity coming off of Fili and Kili. “We’ll have some servants help us.”

 

Frerin sighed. He rubbed at his eyes, wrapped around a few fingers were Thorin’s glasses that had been forgotten back in the room. He made an exasperated sound in the back of his throat. He pushed his hand over his brow and into his soft hair.

 

“Thorin would be mortified if you do that. It’ll be best if you let him rest here but as you’re all very determined to get him to his own bed then I’ll follow you in one of Fili’s cars, give him a ride back. That way he won’t have to hear the whispers later.”

 

“It’s okay, we can manage.” Kili tried to adjust the man he was partly supporting. “Thorin won’t mind.”

 

Frerin raised a brow then folded his arms across his chest. His thumb rubbed over the smooth surface of one of the arms of Thorin’s glasses. He was obviously not convinced. He squinted at the brunet, tilting his head a little. He was skeptical.

 

“Look, I know he- ugh, he goes dead weight when drunk, just usually is home after… after…” Kili swallowed around the developing hard lump in his throat. He was feeling a growing shame from just looking at the handsome man. He knew his sin, but pushing an apology past his lips seemed to dry his tongue and die before he could even get it out. Saying he was sorry for watching him fuck Fili into the mattress was one thing, but the result of his actions was damaging their relationship. How does someone apologize for that?

 

“We’re doing what he says.” Fili snapped with a hushed voice. He tried to sound normal when addressing Frerin, “Could you-”

 

“On it.” Frerin stuffed Thorin’s glasses into the front pocket of Bilbo’s shirt.

 

With a bit of struggling and pinning Kili and Bilbo in the back seat, they were able to get Thorin into the car. Fili slipped in behind the wheel, getting the keys from Bilbo. 

 

“How the hell can he sleep through all of this?” Fili started the car.

 

“He always slept through the whole of the next day asleep after getting drunk,” Kili shifted. “Granted it doesn’t happen unless he’s really… bothered… about something.”

 

Fili eased the car down the driveway and out into traffic. He tried to take the turns easy as to not throw the people in the backseat around. The ride to Bilbo and Kili’s home seemed longer than usual due to the uncomfortable silence. When they got to their home they tried their hardest to get Thorin inside without the servants seeing. Once they managed to finagle him into a bed Kili slipped the saliva sample into Fili’s hand. Fili easily pocketed the sample, he bade his farewells and hurried outside where Frerin was waiting in a running car. Before he opened the door he watched his boyfriend, a finger running over the line of his lips, eyes slowly blinking as he stared off into nothing but sunlight. Soon as he opened the door, hazel eyes focused and he sat up straighter.

 

“Ready to go?” Frerin wrung his hands over the curve of the steering wheel, refusing to look at Fili. 

 

“Yeah…” Fili slipped in and closed the door. He hesitated to put on his seat belt. This was the closest he had been with Frerin for the whole morning. He felt his heart beating, a whisper in his head that was saying that if he didn’t put on his seat belt then Frerin would be forced to stay there. He would have to be within arm’s reach because the man never drove without people properly buckled down.

 

“Seat belt.” Frerin’s voice washed over him, combing through his body like tender fingers through long hair. 

 

Instead of reaching for the belt Fili’s hand slipped over the whitening knuckles on the steering wheel. His boyfriend looked at their hands but no further than that. He felt a lump begin to form in his throat. His palm stroking over Frerin’s fingers. He swallowed, finding it so difficult to say what he wanted to.

 

“Frerin… I…”

 

“Seat belt.” This time it was whispered, eyes still avoiding him.

  
Fili slowly withdrew his hand. He grabbed his seat belt, pulling it. With each inch it felt like a heavyweight in his stomach pushing it farther and farther down. When the latch clicked into place he felt a sort of disappear. The car clicking into reverse, the pull of the car going backwards. He could feel the crunch of the gravel, hear the AC as it gently blew. Frerin put the car into drive. He pushed down on the button to roll down the window. The air pulled and tugged at his hair, the smells of the outside world wiped away Frerin’s scent that the car held in. Fili squeezed his eyes closed so tightly they hurt. The smell… it was as if he let go the very last thing that he could have of his boyfriend. He was faced with the reality that there was a fissure between them with no bridge to help cross to the other side. 


	18. No Running Away

The sun’s dying light creeped across the floor, splashing bright colors into the room through the window a dash of it covered a messy head of dark hair. A blue eyes cracked slowly open, vision blurred as the world came swimming back to him after sleeping off his drunken stupor. Thorin smacked his lips, testing out the cotton feeling and tasting the nasty residue left from last night’s drinks. He reached out, groping for his glasses. He felt the rims, his fingers fumbling with them. They moved, his hand coming into contact with flesh. 

 

“Hey,” Kili’s soft voice pushed through the cobwebs in Thorin’s head.

 

Thorin took his glasses from Kili. With a flick of his wrist the arms unfolded and he was slipping them on. “Kili?” His voice croaked like a dried out frog. “What are you-?”

 

“What am I doing in your room?” Kili twisted the cap to a water bottle. “Why am I watching over you like a worried old maid scared out of her wits that her drunkard of a husband won’t wake up because he might have drank himself into a coma?!” His hands shook as he fought the water bottle. Strange emotions he had managed to push down were now welling up. He was scared, Thorin had never drank that much before. He never drank until he passed out. He never- 

 

“I-” Kili shook harder. “I-if you don’t want to be with me, you could just say so! Not go out and get drunk off your ass and have to be dragged home scaring dad, scaring me.”

 

A hand went over his, stilling his shaking. His vision was blurring, his ears starting to ring even though Thorin was calling his name, trying to calm him down. He had been doing this for much too long, dancing around, refusing himself touches beyond blissful kisses that made him rock hard. He tried to respect Thorin as much as one man could respect his potential lover but it seemed to him that Thorin was only confused as to where to place his affection. He went out more and more with Frerin. He stayed with that dark haired, soft spoken, boyfriend snatcher! Kili’s insecurity twisted up into a jealous pain, bubbling and boiling instead of simmering.

 

He tossed the unopened water bottle at Thorin, the bottle bouncing off of his shoulder. Kili stormed out of the room, followed only by his boyfriend’s voice desperately yelling after him.

 

“Oooh,” He growled as he slammed the door to his own room. “Go throw up!! I hope your hangover kills you!!”

 

He wrapped his arms around his middle, pacing around, finally letting himself cry a bit. “Stupid Thorin, stupid Frerin, stupid- stupid…” He sniffled. “Stupid Kili…”

 

\-----------------

 

Fili stared down at his untouched meal. Once again he wasn’t hungry, preoccupied with his thoughts of the man he had fallen in love with. He had thought that Frerin would forgive him, he always forgave, but this… this was something that was painful. Another wound he had caused.

 

He glanced up at Frerin, across from table. His own meal had not been touched, he only shoved his food around with his fork. 

 

“What do… what do you remember about summer the most?” Frerin asked, breaking the silence. He didn’t look up, only continued to chase a spear of asparagus around his plate with a meat ball. 

 

Fili’s heart leapt into his chest. His voice sticking in his throat. The silence stretched between them as he tried to find his words. 

 

“I… remember this field. Big and open,” Frerin squinted, not seeing anything but memories now. “It was lined with tall, tall, pine trees, and a-a dirt road that wound through it, up a gentle slope. But, it wasn’t much of a road, more like a trail cut by two giant snakes traveling up to the church. I would wait by that road every day. Just waiting, and waiting. I would watch the dark storm clouds come through, wind, brushing up against the tall grass in the field. Every summer since held that feeling of… stagnation. That empty feeling inside when anticipation and hope clash with logic and reality. You have no direction to go, only the here and now and the bewilderment of what was truly happening.”

 

Fili’s brows pushed up in worry as he listened. He watched Frerin lance his asparagus and held it up. He turned his fork, looking at it as if it held all of his memories. “I remember that feeling the most. Waiting for someone to come.”

 

“...what would they do if they came?” Fili shifted his grip on his own silverware. 

 

Frerin squinted a little more, trying to pick the right words to place towards emotions. Then his face relaxed, “I honestly… don’t know.”

 

“Was this, that place, was it where your mother left you?”

 

Hazel eyes slowly blinked before lips twisted up into a smile. He huffed out a short laugh, “Lllet me guess, you, being the jealous type, got pissed off because I was spending time with Thorin again and dug up some dirt on me to try to tie me down. That about right?”

 

Fili looked to the side, his cheeks reddening from shame. “I… did that before.”

 

“Before?” 

 

“When… um… That night, before you got sick. I was… well, like you said. And I had a guy dig some stuff up because I… thought you were… dating someone…”

 

“Was that- That was why you thought I was dating Thorin?” Frerin leaned back in his chair. “Huh.”  He clicked his tongue. “So like you…. so, how much do you know?”

 

“You were left at a church at a young age by your mother, your grandfather picked you up roughly five years later.”

 

“Seven.”

 

“Seven?”

 

“I wasn’t on records for the first two years because mom still held contact with them.” He shrugged one shoulder. “Then, she stopped. No letters, no phone calls, no visits. No nothing. What else do you know?”

 

Fili looked back down at his plate. “......Frerin isn’t your real name.” His attention darted up when there was the sudden clatter of dishes. Frerin was staring at him with wide eyes.

 

“Then you know-” He suddenly pushed himself up to his feet, knocking over his chair. “You knew and you still did that?!”

 

“No. No!” Fili grabbed his napkin off of his lap and threw it on the table as he got up. “Don’t you pin this on me! All I know is that you used to co-own a restaurant with some lady named-”

 

“Don’t you dare say her name!!”

 

“Fine!! But after the placed folded you changed your name and went under the employment of my mother for a year before becoming my butler! Don’t you even start to think that I had any idea what you’re talking about because I don’t! So you better start talking or for the love of god I will-”

 

“Do what?! Choose Kili over me again? Use me as fucking payment like I’m some damn currency?! Maybe this time you’ll tie me up so your friends could take turns!!”

 

Fili’s eyes grew wide, his stomach clenching like he had been hit. “What?” He glared at his boyfriend, a cold heat burning deep inside. “Is that what you think of me? That I would use you to get what I want then throw you to the side?” He ground his teeth. “You- you think that I would do all of this just so I could watch Kili fuck you like a druggie’s skank?!” Then his brain placed two pieces together that shouldn’t be. His own hurt, his own fear, and his own past made him come to the conclusion that Frerin was doing this on purpose. That he was going to leave him. “You… you’re leaving me.”

 

“No!”

 

“You are!”

 

Frerin’s mouth snapped shut. What was he to say? Nothing would convince Fili now. He was stubborn as an ox. Fili advanced on Frerin who only stepped back. The blond stared at the man who was recoiling. He took another step, Frerin another step back. Something seemed to snap, he sprang forward Frerin quickly running away with Fili giving chase. They ran through the spacious mansion. Frerin taking sharp turns that Fili would easily follow. They were practically tumbling up plush carpeted steps, hit into walls that shook paints into crooked angles. Fili took a chance with throwing himself against his boyfriend. They skidded on the floor, Fili grabbing at Frerin’s wrists, he sat on Frerin’s lap. The brunet yelled, bucking up his hips trying to get free.

 

“Don’t you dare do this to me!!” Fili shouted.

 

“I’m not the one using you!!”

 

“I DIDN’T MEAN TO!!” 

 

They stared at each other, no longer struggling, but their bodies remained tense. Fili leaned down forcing a kiss to Frerin’s mouth.

 

“Nnno!” Frerin tried to turn his head away, even though his fingers were tingling, his heart racing.

 

“You idiot,” Fili pressed hard kisses over jaw and neck. “Fucking- stupid- ah~”

 

Fili pressed down on the hard bulge he could feel building in his boyfriend’s pants. He adjusted his legs so he could rub himself properly against it. It gave Frerin enough leeway to break an arm free. He grabbed a fistful of golden hair, pulling hard.

 

“Stop calling me that.” Then Frerin was kissing Fili with bruising strength, biting at lips.

 

“Then stop being fucking stupid!” He growled out a purr as his neck was bit and his hair pulled harder. 

 

“We’re both so fucking broken.” Frerin sucked a dark bruise onto Fili’s collarbone. 

 

Fili got up, he grabbed the front of Frerin’s shirt and hauled him up, thrusting him against the wall. “You have no idea how right you are.” He pushed his tongue into Frerin’s mouth as Frerin’s hand shoved into his pants, palming his cock.

 

\--------------------

 

“Kili?” Thorin knocked gently on the door. The hallway was dark from the filter of night. Thorin had given Kili some time after he ran out. He had tried to knock on the door two hours ago, now he’s knocking on the door again and Kili wasn’t answering.

 

He growled under his breath. He was done with all of this. “Alright, if you want to play this game then I’m game.”

 

He went outside, to the tool shed, grabbed the tall ladder. He dragged it across the large lawn, through the manicured bushes and up to the side of the house. He was mumbling to himself the whole way, “Acting like a hurt princess because I got drunk. Got drunk over you, you damn boy. But noo, you won’t stay and let me explain!” He lifted up the ladder propping it up against the stone mansion wall. He started climbing it grumbling louder. “Now the damn princess is all locked up in her tower, won’t come out for nothing! Acting like the princess is in another castle!!”

 

Thorin got up to the window to Kili’s room, seeing the dark haired youth laying on his bed with headphones on. He tried opening it, when it wouldn’t he pounded his fist on the glass startling up Kili. The younger brunet scuttled back on his bed frightened with seeing a man at his window in the middle of the night. He clutched a hand over his racing heart recognizing Thorin’s face. His brows drew together as he slowly got off of his bed. What the hell was Thorin doing outside of his window? Thorin’s mouth flap open and closed as if he was in the middle of a lecture which only prickled up his anger. He then pointed at Kili while his face only got a bit redder.

 

Kili marched over to the window, unlocked it and flung it open. Instantly launching himself into an argument.

 

“-and don’t tell me that you-” Thorin pointed at Kili.

 

“-you’re the asshole that-” Kili squabbled over Thorin’s voice.

 

“-what I do on my own time-”

 

“-just because you want to have some back up boy doesn’t mean-”

 

“-when I say I love you you better goddamn believe it!!”

 

“I DO!”

 

“Then fucking marry me!”

 

“Fine!”

 

“Good!”

 

What had been said and agreed to slowly sunk in. The two huffed angrily, chests raising as they glared at one another in the sudden silence.  Kili surged forward, hands cupping Thorin’s cheeks as their lips sealed. His grip tightened on hair, pulling the older man through the window. Thorin scrambled to try to keep his lips on Kili’s, both of them crumbling to the floor. He pushed Kili’s knees, settling between them. Their tongues danced with each other, lapping and licking, dodging and chasing to push at one another in an undulating wet battle. 

 

Kili pressed his knees against Thorin’s sides, a whimper leaving his mouth. It was the only way he could ask. He needed this to be more than just kissing, he needed Thorin to want him, not just desire. He ripped his mouth away from his boyfriend’s, head tilting back as he gasped. A shock of pleasure shivered up his spine from Thorin’s rolling hips. The scratch of beard against his neck countered with petal soft lips made his head swim. 

 

“Don’t play with me,” Kili panted. “Please don’t play with me.”

 

“Only if you promise you won’t get bored of me.” Thorin bit Kili’s bottom lip.

 

“I won’t.” He chanted as his eyes closed, enjoying the waves of bliss that came with every rub from Thorin’s clothed, hard, cock rubbing against his own. 

 

Thorin grabbed at Kili, pulling him up along the floor. With harsh movements he unbuttoned Kili’s jeans, pulling them open to get at a leaking cock. He sucked the long shaft down his mouth. Kili’s hands going into lush salt and pepper hair. 

 

“Thorin!”

 

The man flattened his tongue, trying to relax his throat to take in as much as he could. He bobbed his head, drooling down Kili’s cock. Kili lifted his head, looking down the soft wrinkles of his shirt to where his cock was going in and out of Thorin’s mouth. He pulled off with a slurping pop, licked at his wet lips. He took hold of Kili’s cock, pumping with long slow strokes. Kili couldn’t help the squirt of pre-cum that went into Thorin’s beard. 

 

“Do you know how hard it was to not grab your succulent ass?” Thorin growled. “Walking around like you do, beautifully sculpted like a living art piece made by a renaissance master.” He jerked on Kili’s cock, squeezing with a twist of his wrist. “I wanted you so badly for so long, but I’m only an old man wanting such a young-”

 

Kili grabbed Thorin’s wrist. “Then stop it and fuck your fiancee.”

 

He pushed himself up, squirming out from under Thorin. He pulled down his pants, kicking them off as he tugged his shirt over his head. His cock stood proudly, shiny with a coat of saliva. He crawled onto his bed, digging out the bottle of lube from the end table drawer from beside his bed. He squirted some onto his fingers, got onto his knees. Reaching behind he slipped a finger into his pucker, he purred as he slipped another in, preparing himself as best he could. Hands came to his hips, rubbing gently while he still worked. He head a leturous groan come from behind, glad to know that Thorin is enjoying the show. Thorin reached over him, taking the lube and slicking down his cock. He pressed the blunt of his cock up against Kili’s hand. The youth pulled his fingers out in favor of grabbing hold of Thorin’s girth. He pushed back as Thorin leaned forward, his thick dick pushing through the ring of muscles, burying himself deep into the man he loved. 

 

Kili shivered, his arms collapsing down to his elbows. His breath was shuddering as warm, strong, arms wrapped around around his chest and middle. It felt so good to have this relief. He had needed it for so long. His cock jerked, balls aching in want to set to work. Thorin pulled back, Kili whimpered feeling the luscious drag of flesh against his insides. He felt his fingers and toes tingle with anticipation. Thorin snapped his hips forward. Kili yipped with pleasure, hands scrambling to grab fistfuls of blanket. He felt his cock bounce as Thorin continued, digging around at different angles each time he went back in to find that special spot. Kili was breathless when stars burst in front of his vision. When Thorin didn’t go back to the spot Kili grabbed at him, moving his own hips to try to get that wonderful sensation again. The hair on Thorin’s chest rubbed against his back, the scratch of his beard on his shoulders and neck as he kissed and worshiped Kili’s body.  When he got his spot hit again he gasped out, “There! There!” His head bowed down as Thorin moved faster, each time hitting his prostate. 

 

Thorin took hold of Kili’s neglected cock, pumping it in time. Kili couldn’t handle it any more, he shouted out while he was body was seized by the clutches of climax. Thorin pushed against him, shoving him down flat against the bed. He grabbed hold of the headboard, fucking harder into Kili’s spent body. Kili moaned with approval, trying hard to push his hips back up to get more. It felt so good like this. Best yet was when he felt Thorin’s movements stutter, then he got filled with warmth. Thorin pulled on Kili, pushing a leg between his. He lifted his knee which brought up Kili’s leg. He reached around and petted at Kili’s semi-hard cock until the youth spurted out the last drops of semen.

 

“That,” Kili reached behind him, slipping his fingers into Thorin’s hair. “That was good.”

 

“Better not be just saying it because of the afterglow.” Thorin kissed at Kili’s neck.

 

“Mmm, that would be rude of me. Almost as rude as coming into someone’s window to start up an argument.”

 

“Which is almost as rude as not letting someone get a word in.”

 

“Which is almost as rude as,” Kili moved, Thorin’s cock slipping out of him as he went onto his stomach. “going out all night with some guy you claim to be a friend.” He folded his arms in front of him with a huff.

 

“Now, that really is rude.” Thorin frowned. His hand coming to Kili’s back, sliding gently up and down. “Frerin is my friend, just my friend.”

 

“Like Fili to me?”

 

“Without the benefits part.”

 

Kili rested his head down in thought. He was quiet for several moments before he spoke up again.

 

“Is that why you… think I would get bored of you? Because I had slept with Fili?”

 

Thorin rested down fully, pressing up against Kili’s side. His breath brushed past long brown hair, he took in a breath of the earthen scent.

 

“... it’s not because of Fili, is it?”

 

“No.” Thorin breathed.

 

“Because of how many lover’s I’ve had?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Don’t worry.” Kili found one of Thorin’s hands, he kissed at his palm. “I may be a fluzzy but when I’m with someone, I’m with them. No sex with anyone else. The others never worked out. Not like this.”

 

“Like this?”

 

“Forget you want to get hitched already?”

 

“Not one bit.” Thorin kissed Kili’s cheek.

 

“Good because I want diamonds and rubies all over my engagement ring and I want those rocks to be so big they can sink boats if I walk on them.” Kili batted his eyelashes.

 

“With how much your father pays me? Good luck with that.”


	19. The Painful Past

His body hurt.

 

Every muscle ached, his joints felt stiff and his bladder was punching his stomach. He slipped out of the bed, the arm that kept him close flopped onto the mattress as he made his escape. He went to the bathroom, then checked his skin after he washed his hands. He looked at his shoulders. Gathered his hair to try to take a peek at his neck. Bites, bruises, scratches and welts covered a good amount of his body. If anyone saw him in this condition they would certainly believe he had been abused, maybe even leaping to the extreme of torture considering the skin he still had to dig out from under his fingernails. 

 

A groan from the other room made him smile, his bitten bottom lip was still sore and tingled from the movement. A bit of shuffling before a handsome dark haired man came into the bathroom.

 

“Need a bit of privacy?” Fili asked, leaning against the sink.

 

Frerin made a dismissive grunt as he lifted the toilet seat. He held onto his cock while relieving himself with a sigh. 

 

Fili let his eyes wander over his boyfriend’s frame; bite marks on his ass, deep scratches criss crossing his back, hand shaped bruises around his wrists, circles of purple on his hips.

 

“God, you’re beautiful.”

 

Frerin’s brows drew together. “You say that while I’m peeing? Got a kink I don’t know about?”

 

Fili chuckled. “Golden showers. Not my cup of tea.”

 

“Good, because I’m not about to piss on you.” Frerin shook himself before flushing the toilet. Fili stepped up to him, slipping his arms around his lover’s middle.

 

Fili pressed a kiss to one of the bruises on Frerin’s collarbone. “Last night was rough.”

 

“Any regrets?” Frerin’s fingers carefully went over raised ridges from deep scratches on Fili’s back.

 

“Not even one.”

 

“Mmm,” Frerin dug his nose into Fili’s hair, taking a deep breath. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

“Breakfast?”

 

Fili growled a little tightening his grip. 

 

“Order out?”

 

“Mmm, fine. But I’m not putting on clothing when it arrives.”

 

“Fair enough.”

 

Fili pulled on Frerin back towards the bedroom. They collapsed back onto the bed, cuddling close. They fell back to sleep. The day was warm, the sun filtering in through sheer curtains, and a peace that came from the release of violent sex from the previous night made it easy.

 

The next time they woke was when they had enough energy to order a meal. While they waited Fili kept his hand stroking down Frerin’s back, cupping the swell of his ass before rubbing up back up. He repeated this action as his boyfriend fiddled with the pieces of papers in his hands. Pretty, hazel, eyes flickered to him the back to the papers.  

 

“That’s all of it.” Fili’s voice was a soft whisper. “Everything.”

 

Frerin nodded. All that he held in his hands was what the world knew of him. Fili had printed it all off for Frerin to see. It was remarkably little considering what a single life could go through. Only a few things a person does in life can be recorded down. The scars a person bore were marked as psychoses, hospital visits, breaks of arms in casts. No one wrote down the adventures of a little boy in a church waiting for family. There was no place in the world to record the feeling of a backpack strapped onto a teenager’s back while he walked in misting rain. No one could keep an eye on a drifter trying to find the truth from car to car, hitch hiking across the country to find a painful end. 

 

“It’s funny…” Frerin said. “How little is actually recorded in someone’s life. How someone can seem so insignificant, reduced down to nothing but summed up, brief accounts of where they have been, doctor’s visits… where they worked, work performance… The only thing in relationships are what are video taped and documented by newspapers, PI’s, and marriage documents.”

 

“...Then tell me. Tell me all of it.”

 

The brunet pushed himself up, shifting around until he was sitting, facing his lover. He left the papers in favor of picking up Fili’s hand. He caressed each finger committing to memory the feeling. 

 

“I…” He licked his lips, trying to figure out where to start. It wasn’t like he had a complicated life, in fact, it was rather mundane and straightforward. The problem was talking about it. Saying it out loud. He kissed at Fili’s knuckles.

 

“I love you, Frerin… I really do.”

 

Frerin kissed Fili’s knuckles again, running his fingers over the blond’s hand. “I love you too. I love you so much. It’s… just… hard to start, you know?”

 

“Remember when we made that deal? To try something new. You had me try that weird game and got you that lame little pillow thing.”

 

“I like the lame pillow.” Frerin frowned a bit.

 

“I know.” Fili smiled. “You carry it around the house. For a week I thought the thing was haunted and was following me, right next to that weird crow thing you keep on the bed.”

 

Frerin gave a sudden laugh, “It doesn’t stare at you.”

 

“Yeah. Yeah it does. Look, it’s staring at me right now.”

 

“It’s on the floor, Fili.”

 

“It’s eyes follow me, like a creepy doll.”

 

“You are so weird at times.”

 

Fili reached up, tucking a lock of hair behind Frerin’s ear. “Feel better? Less nervous?” 

 

Frerin nodded. “Yeah. So… you going to have this as the ‘try out a new thing’ challenge for me?”

 

Fili lifted his other hand, cupping his boyfriend’s jaw. “You have always seen me. Seen my potential, seen that I could be something more than some asshole of a tool for my mother. You made things so much better for me and I still don’t know more about you besides what I’ve seen on paper. You have kept your whole self locked up… away from me… I want to know you, Frerin. All of you, every bit of you.”

 

“Michael.” Frerin swallowed hard. “My… my birth name was-is Michael.”

 

“Michael…” Fili caressed the French pronunciation with his tongue, repeating it the same way Frerin said it.

 

“Mom called me Micky Mouse because of my big ears as a kid… She, um, she only had me with her until I was eight. Never had a dad, mom never told me who it had been, only said she had been working as a janitor in some business school when she got knocked up. That’s how she always said it, ‘knocked up with you’. She had left her job after finding out she was pregnant and joined up with a carnival that travelled around. I was only allowed around the different games like the milk bottles and darts and such. People, when they hear about it, think it was some magical land when in reality it was the normal single parent life. The only difference was that your home was a car or trailer, nothing different. Then… one night she had me get in the car... “ Frerin turned his eyes away from his lover. “She drove and drove, stopped at this little truck stop… got a late night meal for me, let me eat ice cream on waffles at three in the morning. I got to put M&Ms on it. I remember how she smiled and talked to me. Nothing but soft words whispered as if she would wake someone up on Christmas morning. An hour later we walked into a church out in the middle of no where. Then hugged me, said goodbye, be a good boy.” He rubbed at Fili’s ankle, needing something to do with his hands. “Off she was, the last time I saw her until I was fourteen.”

 

“Fourteen?”

 

“After six years of prayers, four years of them with no contact. I had this idea that if I went to the address on her letters that she would be there and scoop me up in hugs and kisses and she would tell me how sorry she was. Life would get better, and my endless prayers would be answered.” He drew in a hard breath. Chest going up and down as his eyes misted. “I got my-my pack with only a few dollars in my pocket and shoes that were barely holding together. I still remember how… how heavy my pack felt on the way back.”

 

“Why did you return?” Fili wiped away a few tears with his thumbs.

 

“When I found her… When I found mom… She was in this big house, big and pretty and perfect with her in a perfect dress and kissing a man goodbye. I was too excited to think twice. I had been too young to understand what had been going on. So I ran right up to her. Shouting out, ‘mom! mom!’ running like a fucking idiot.” More tears fell. “She recoiled, said she didn’t know who I was. The man was her husband, married for three years… The man chased me off, I came back a few hours later. She yelled at me, told me that I should have never left the church… said her life was better off without me now that she had a new family with a husband, stepson, and her newborn daughter.

 

“I was slow getting back to the church… the only place that I could call home. Found out that the clergy had not even called the police” He pulled in a long sniffle, shrugging one shoulder. “They didn’t care I had gone. A year later a man showed up, said he was my grandfather. He had paperwork and took me in. He said ‘Don’t worry child. You’re mother left me too.’ Turned out he was mom’s dad, she had run away as a teenager several times. Fought him over everything, even refused her help when she was six months pregnant. He only knew my name because of a hospital bill from my birth that mom needed money to help pay for. She got the money from him…”

 

The doorbell chimed fracturing the moment. Fili leaned forward, kissing at Frerin’s lips. The doorbell chimed again. 

 

“Pr-probably the Chinese.” Frerin swallowed.

 

“...Good time for a break.” Fili offered. He kissed Frerin again, he crawled over his lover’s body, pushing him back against the rumpled blankets, slipping his tongue slowly into a willing warm mouth. He continued to enjoy the tingles that the slow brushing of their tongues caused. The doorbell run again, the chime reverberating throughout the house. Fili ignored it when Frerin’s legs cradled Fili’s body.

 

When the doorbell rung again Fili groaned with frustration. He shoved himself off, getting up. Frerin bounced, his cheeks flushed, cock half filled. God, Fili hadn’t kissed him like that before, tasting  him down to the very depths of his soul. Fili turned around seeing his splayed lover. He cursed loudly when the doorbell went off again. He stormed down the hall, down the stairs, yelling all sorts of profanities. He had already, paid for the delivery. He wrenched open the door, grabbed the sacks of food from the delivery girl before slamming it shut. Before he could run all the way up the stairs Frerin came to the top of the stairs, pulling on a shirt. 

 

“You got dressed.” Fili scowled. 

 

Frerin offered a sheepish smile. “Yeah… I, um… I don’t think we can handle more sex today after last night.”

 

Fili only frowned more. “Fine. But I’m not getting dressed.”

 

Frerin came down the steps, he took the delivery sacks. “Kitchen, darling.”

 

“Don’t call me that if you’re not going to fuck me.” Fili followed Frerin’s path to the kitchen.

 

Frerin paused when he heard those words. It felt like his throat was thick, no matter how many times he swallowed it didn’t help loosen whatever was causing the feeling. He grabbed some silverware from the drawer and some cans of soda from the fridge. They sat at the table, pulling out the containers. Fili scooted his chair closer to Frerin’s putting his foot up onto Frerin’s lap. He took a spoon and started to dig at a container of fried rice. In contrast, the brunet only opened his soda and took a sip.

 

They stayed quiet, Fili eating, Frerin drinking. Frerin wasn’t much in the mood for food, his stomach churned from long buried memories being dredged up. He had tried so hard to leave everything behind him but it always seemed to find a way to come back. Some times he felt as if there were countless wires attached to him, trailing behind to be snached up to pull him back into the past. Each pull hurt as much as the first time. Old wounds being forced open like a curled up flower bud. But Fili… Fili didn’t try to rip the petals open. He caressed the weeping branch that was Frerin’s withered self. The blond didn’t know when he was shielding Frerin from the brutal weathering of the world when he let himself slip and treated him with kindness instead of spite. He gave him sun and nourishment when the blond began to stumble upon his true self. He was waiting for Frerin to open up on his own, the same way that Frerin was waiting for him to shine brighter than any star in the sky. The only difference was that Fili was doing it without meaning to.

 

“Grandpa only was around me for a year before he started working later and later.” Frerin picked at a box of chow mein, still not hungry. 

 

Fili looked at his sweet and sour beef. A year? Fili had more time than that… but Frerin, left behind and forgotten only had old Thror as a grandpa for a year?

 

“It was a great year.” Frerin slowly drew in a breath and sighed it out. A smile pulling at his lips. “Had my first birthday party with him. It was pretty cool to have a lumpy cake that he made me with spotty frosting misspelling my name with a half burnt emergency candle sticking out of it.”

 

Fili put his food down, losing his appetite. Neglected as he was he still had elaborate parties, not thrown by his mother, but by the means of Bilbo and Kili. He even had old Thror show up to a few, covered with dirt and grass stains. 

 

“After a while he came later and later home. I would take his boots off sometimes and tuck him into bed. He would be gone in the morning. He stuck me into a public high school which was different from what I was used to. No more home schooling by clergy. No more timed prayers or strict diets of ‘god approved meals’.”

 

“God approved meals?”

 

“Pretty much gruel and garden grown vegetables. The occasional fruit for being good.”

 

“I’m… sorry to hear that.”

 

Frerin waved his hand. “It’s fine.”

 

“It isn’t… you’ve had it so bad… and here I was a spoiled brat on a throne.”

 

“Don’t say that again.” Frerin said steadily. “No trauma is easier than another. The only difference is how we handle them. You were shoved to the sided, buried and forgotten by the woman who birthed you. Instead of having the decency of staying out of your life she came back when she discovered your looks. Preying on you like a starved beast sniffing out a morsel.” Frerin clenched his fists. “She bound you like a spider letting a moth flail about in hopes it could ever escape. She fucked you over by denying you of any person that may have developed a true caring for you. If she could, she would have driven a wedge between you and Kili.”

 

“She’s tried.” Fili started to feel his hunger leave him. “Hired women to seduce one of us then go to the other and say crap. We had a few fights over it until we put two and two together and got four. And I know for a fucking fact she knew about my feelings for you and that’s why she fired you. Tried to ruin your life.”

 

“No.” Frerin grabbed Fili’s hand. “She was trying to break you. Tear you down until you were nothing but a puppet that would do anything she said. But you stood up to her, you declared war with the witch that wanted nothing but to split you open and use your body for her own grotesque flower box.” He scooted his chair closer. He pressed Fili’s knuckles to his lips. “You will never know how proud I am of you for that.”

 

Fili felt his heart flutter. His cheeks heated.

 

“I know how hard it is to break free from something like that. When I was in high school was when I met… I met her. I was so hungry for attention that she easily took over me, conditioned me through simple hugs and holding of hands. She shackled me with praise and by the time we graduated I was so certain I had found my one true love and everything was going to be okay. We opened the restaurant, straight out of high school. Youngest people around to have business plans that investors were interested in.” He squeezed Fili’s hand. “I kept the place afloat while she spiraled out of control. Soon as she was 21 she got addicted to alcohol and other things. She used the restaurant as a way of paying off junkies for a fix. Eventually it got worse… business faded and one day we couldn’t pay for any deliveries...  She… she, uh, would do ‘favors’ for deliveries. After a month… they didn’t want her any more and her ‘suppliers’ wouldn’t take her ‘favors’ either.”

 

“Shit.” Fili saw where it was going. “Frerin, you- you don’t have to say any more.”

 

“I do.” Frerin took in a deep breath. “I had no idea how to… to say no because it had been years of me being used as a tool for her own gratification. It was easy for her to convince me to lay back and let women take turns on me, because I had convinced myself that this was all for her. That I loved her and I would do anything for her… It was when… she had a miscarriage in the restaurant bathroom, bent over and puking up liquor and bile as she bled out between her legs. I got her to the hospital in time to save her life but…”

 

Fili stood. He wrapped his arms around Frerin, pressing a wet cheek against his belly. He had no idea. 

 

Frerin let out a pained sob. “A little girl.” Frerin clung onto Fili as he cried. “My little girl.”

 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

 

“I co-couldn’t live with her after- I couldn’t.” He looked up at Fili, tears running freely. “Not after all that.”

 

“Shh, shh.” Fili stroked at Frerin’s cheeks. “I don’t blame you for leaving her junkie ass. You shouldn’t have had to deal with that.”

 

“I-I couldn’t let her find me. I went back to grandpa. He helped me change my name and g-get a new life but then he was gone. Gone like my little girl and- I only wanted a family. I-I-”

 

“Enough!!” Fili knelt down. “He loved you. You don’t help someone like that if you don’t love them and because of him you found me. And I love you. I love you so much, Frerin.” He hugged his  boyfriend close, pressing kisses to his head as he cried. Fili sniffled, his own heart breaking from finding out such a painful past. No wonder Frerin never wanted to talk about it. He held it secret as much as he could and Fili felt like a bastard for making him relive it. 

 

\--------------------------

 

Kili pressed his face up against the glass. Bilbo was scrutinizing a case of rings behind him while Thorin sighed. He sat in the corner of the store having already bought Kili’s engagement ring. It was a matching set that doubled as a wedding ring as well. Kili was already wearing his engagement ring. The platinum curled up to hold a cluster of emeralds with a large diamond in the middle. It had been designed for a woman but Kili wanted it. He had nearly broken Thorin’s knees when Thorin questioned it. Now it was the third damn day of ring shopping and Kili couldn’t make up his mind already the hard core bride-zilla. Not that Bilbo was helping. Bilbo was acting as if it was his own wedding and dear god if they disagreed Thorin had to duck his head and hope he could find an opening to make a run for it through the minefield that were the Bagginses.

 

Kili had made Thorin promise not to tell Frerin nor Fili about the engagement until the rings were properly purchased and they could show it off together. It was proving a pain in the neck since it had been two weeks since his unique way of proposing. Then there was the fact that Thorin got to see his best friend only three times since then and he was itching to say something other than what Bilbo was upto and business. The one thing he did find good about all of this was the nights he got to pull his fiancee close. Kili loved to snuggle and cuddle and lord have mercy on his soul because he adored how Kili would slip down the sheets to suck him off.

 

“None of these are any good.” Kili snuffed. 

 

“We may need to have one custom made.” Bilbo folded his arms over his chest.

 

“All of these are hand crafted, sir.” The jeweler tried to smile.

 

Kili brushed his pony tail from over his shoulder. “Then why do they all look so… generic? Don’t you have something unique?”

 

“We do have-”

 

“What the fuck are you guys doing here?”

 

The small group looked over to see Fili coming in, stride quick and long. “Haven’t seen your ugly mugs for a while.”

 

“Sorry, but did all of your mirrors break in your house from looking in them? That why you’re coming into a store filled with shiny objects?” Kili opened his arms hugging his best friend.

 

Fili squeezed Kili before letting go. “Picking up something. See you’re still subjecting Thorin to your shopping trips.”

 

“Please tell me Frerin is with you.” Thorin got up from his seat in his corner. 

 

Fili laughed. “He’s checking out the chocolatier's shop a block down.”

 

“Thank god.” Thorin grabbed Kili, kissed his cheek. “I’m gonna-”

 

“Get going.” Kili swatted at Thorin’s butt when his fiancee made a run for it. He sighed with love. “Like a dumb puppy.”

 

Bilbo and Fili laughed. 

 

“Haven’t seen you in a while. How have you been?” Bilbo asked Fili.

 

“Pretty good actually. We cleared the air, got out some tension. Oh, got informed by a little birdy that someone is planning on giving the tabloids some interesting information on Dis.” Fili raised a brow at Bilbo. “And the twittering little jay also told me that something interesting is happening between Thorin and Kili. Care to confirm?” 

 

“That- that- I told him not to tell anyone!” Kili stomped his foot angrily. “I’m going to spank that luscious ass so hard tonight!! He told Frerin. Of course he told Frerin, no one can keep a secret from that dewey eyed, cute little, and with those cheeks! THOSE CHEEKS!!”

 

“Are you okay, son?” Bilbo was trying hard not to laugh at how his son thought.

 

“Just wanna nibble those cheeks, so cute! Why is your boyfriend so cute, Fili?!”

 

“I don’t know. How did you land someone like Thorin?”

 

“I know right? But I don’t know if waiting a full year to have the wedding is a good idea or do it sooner or later or- what do you think? Also, is this ring fair enough?” Kili held up his hand. “Because the next lady I see checking him out I want to smack them so hard that they get brain damage from this imbedding into their skulls.”

 

Fili’s eyes widened. “Wwow.”

 

“So it’s good?”

 

“Real good.” Fili took Kili’s hand to look at the ring better. “When Frerin said that Thorin was happier he said he suspected something good happened. We didn’t think it was this good. Congrats!”

 

“W… he… Thorin didn’t say anything about our engagement?”

 

“Not a word.”

 

“So- well fuck.”

 

Fili caressed Kili’s cheek. He leaned in close to the point their lips brushed with every word he spoke. “Have I ever told you how much I love it when you put your foot in your mouth?”

 

Kili pushed at Fili making him step back. He smiled wide. “Shut up.”

 

“Seriously, we should celebrate.” Fili’s expression softened. “We have a lot to celebrate.”


	20. A Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading this!!
> 
> I hope the ending is satisfactory. I'm really bad at endings.

For a celebration it was a simple affair. An elegant dinner with the room reserved for a party of five. Kili fidgeted while he waited for everyone else to show up, it was only him and Frerin. He still felt horrible over watching him have sex with Fili. While Frerin seemed to not mind at all now Kili was still waiting for the ticking time bomb to explode.

 

“So, you’re doing well?” Kili asked.

 

“That’s the seventh time you asked, Kili.” Frerin continued to look at the menu in his hands. “And the answer is still yes.”

 

“Oh…” Kili looked down to his hands. He fiddled with his engagement ring drawing some unseen strength from it. “I… um… that time when… back at…”

 

Frerin put down the menu. He looked at Kili while resting his cheek against his fist, leaning on the table.

 

“I’m sorry.” Kili squeaked out.

 

“I know.”

 

“That’s it?”

 

“That’s it.”

 

“Aren’t you going to yell at me and call me a cunt or something for watching you and Fili get it on?”

 

Frerin shrugged. “If you were anyone else I probably would be disgusted by you. But you’re not, you’re you. You’re a sexually oriented being, you don’t mean offense by it. You don’t mean any harm and when you say you’re sorry I know you mean it. So, again, that’s it.”

 

“Does that mean I’m forgiven?”

 

“Kili… I’m sitting alone with you at your engagement party while we wait for the others to get off work. I’m pretty sure that means I have forgiven you. What? Were you expecting some huge explosion that would leave you disoriented for years to come?”

 

“Kind of.”

 

“Disappointed?”

 

Kili leaned back in his chair. “Honestly… yeah. What I did was wrong and I knew it. I… feel like I’m not getting what I deserve for messing with you like that.”

 

“I see… I could scream at you if you would like.”

 

“Nah, but that’s for the offer.”

 

“Any time.” Frerin picked up his water glass and sipped on it. “Mm!” He put the glass down. “While everyone is gone I should give you your engagement present.”

 

“Is it kinky? Please be too kinky for the others.”

 

“You can easily make it kinky. Cut a hole in it and stick a flesh light in there for fun.” Frerin reached under the table. He pulled out a large goofy looking crow stuffed animal that had a large bow tied around its neck. He shook the silly thing making it look even goofier. “Tada~”

 

“Your crow toy?!”

 

“You wish, he’s still at home guarding the bed from Fili. This one is all yours.”

 

“Fili’s still creeped out by him?”

 

“I have no idea why, the guy is just too cute to be creepy.”

 

“Or so creepy he’s cute.” Kili snuggled into the soft toy. “Thanks. I love him.”

 

Frerin smiled. “You’re welcome.”

 

“God, your cheeks!” Kili got up and leaned over Frerin. He pushed his mouth close to Frerin’s cheek making nibbling sounds which set the dark haired man into a fit of laughter.

 

“Stop!”

 

“Nom nom, your cheeks are so yummy.”

 

The door to the room opened and Kili continued which was mostly Frerin trying to scoot away while Kili followed him. Frerin finally pushed him away by the chest. “You’re such a freak.”

 

“I tell him that almost every day.” Thorin came in followed by Bilbo.

 

“You’re running late,” Kili hopped over to Thorin kissing his lips. “The office bimbo need some slapping?”

 

“The only other person in the office was your father, so, slap away.” Thorin looked at the toy in Kili’s hands. “...That’s not staying in the bedroom.”

 

“The hell it isn’t!” Kili hugged the toy. “Daaaad.”

 

Bilbo threw up his hands. “I will not get dragged into this. Hey Frerin.”

 

“Hey.”

 

Bilbo took a seat beside Kili so Thorin could sit next to Frerin. They dispersed into idle chatter ordering a few appetizers while they waited for Fili. They couldn’t get angry with his tardiness. He had been tied up with some official business that had to be handled with his mother and the company of Erebor Oil. Frerin had tried to stay beside his golden love but Fili had shooed him out and had him go to the restaurant early to meet up with Kili.

 

“Is that what Fili had gotten you for your six month anniversary?” Thorin asked pointing to a thick leather bracelet on Frerin’s wrist.

 

“Yep!” He held it up to show a red gold watch face held in the fancy black leather. He pulled back the watch face to show a picture on the inside that was of himself and Fili. “It doubles as a locket.”

 

“What’s that etched in the side?”

 

“Lyrics. ‘No more destination, no more pain’ and ‘never let your fear decide your fate’ aaaand ‘you’re loved more than you know’... I, um… I haven’t given him his present yet.”

 

“What did you get him?”

 

“Like I’m telling you!” Frerin closed his watch. “You’ll have to wait.”

 

“Longer than an hour because Fili’s running pretty damn late.” Kili sighed, looking sadly at the empty chair. “How am I supposed to play footsie with an empty chair, Thorin?”

 

“Get inventive.” Thorin smiled and kissed Kili’s cheek.

 

“I guess I could make a bunch of jokes about ‘hard ons’ and ‘wood’.”

 

“That’s the Kili I fell in love with.”

 

The door flew open, Fili hurrying in while fumbling with a folder. “Sorry. Sorry.”

 

“It’s fine.” Bilbo patted the seat of the empty chair. “We were waiting for you before we fully ordered our dinner, we did get some appetizers.”

 

“Thank god.” Fili plopped down in the seat. He put the folder down in favor for Frerin’s water. He drank it down quickly.

 

“Today got pretty hot.” Bilbo took up a small plate and started to put some little shrimp puffs on it.

 

“Yeah it did.” Fili put down the glass and dug around in his pocket. He found a hair tie that he used to put his long hair up in a ponytail. Frerin grabbed the folder. With a firm grip he used it to fan Fili’s sweaty face, helping him cool down.

 

“So what took so long?” Bilbo put the small plate in front of Fili.

 

“Just another reason for us to celebrate.” Fili huffed, still catching his breath from having to run in summer heat.

 

“What happened?” Frerin continued to fan the blond.

 

“From what Uncle Bill has been slowly doing to Dis, she was forced to give up her position on the board of directors for Erebor Oil.” Fili smiled.

 

Bilbo looked at Kili the two on the edge of their seats now. “Then that means…”

 

“Yep. You are now looking at the major share holder, new council member to the board of directors as well as fully supported new manager of commerce.”

 

“Fili, that’s wonderful!” Frerin leaned over hugging Fili close.

 

“You’re only two steps away from owning that company.” Kili was glowing with anticipation. “We’ll be co-owners!!”

 

“That’s not all.” Fili pressed a quick kiss to Frerin’s cheek. “The other big surprise is in here.”

 

“What’s you got?” Bilbo reached over and grabbed the folder from Frerin.

 

“Ah! This is strictly for two best friends.” Fili plucked it out of Bilbo’s grasp. “This, here, is something that can’t be given often. It’s a once in a lifetime moment and I want Kili to film it.”

 

“Film it?” Kili pulled out his cell phone setting it up to video record. “It’s this good?”

 

“Oooh, yes.” Fili held out the folder to Thorin. “Thorin… this is for making my best friend one of the happiest people in the world. And Frerin… this is for you to know how much…” Fili paused, he sucked in a breath. He had promised himself he would be scared over this, but he was. He was scared or anxious or just sick to his stomach because of plain old nerves.

 

“Fili?” Kili was already recording.

 

“You need to read it together.” Fili said letting Thorin take it. He nervously sat back as Thorin and Frerin looked at eachother a little confused.

 

The folder flipped open, bright blue and calm hazel scanned over the first page before it was flipped to the next. The two went so quiet only staring at the paper in front of them. Together they looked up at Fili.

 

“I…” He swallowed. Damn it, he felt like he was being judged by them. “I remember old Thror talking about some of his family. He never gave a lot of details but he always talked about how he had a kid that worked… worked at the same business school that Thorin’s dad worked. A-and Thorin always said that his father left the school in order to do private tutoring for unknown reason and it had been sudden. I didn’t connect any of it until one night you guys were talking about something on the sofa and I… I saw it.”

 

“But how did you…?” Frerin barely whispered loud enough for them to hear.

 

“Kili got a saliva sample from Thorin when he had gotten drunk. I… I took in your hairbrush. It was a shot in a million.”

 

“What was?” Bilbo reached over the table for the folder. “What’s going on? What’s in there?”

 

“Results of a DNA test.” Thorin slowly looked over at Frerin. He smiled. He suddenly hooked his arm around Frerin’s neck pulling him in to rub at his soft hair that was almost the same color as Thorin’s onyx. “I knew there was something weird about you!”

 

“Brothers.” Bilbo breathed out a chuckle.

 

“What?” Kili tried to keep the camera steady.

 

“They’re half brothers.” Bilbo grinned. “No wonder he could handle you, Fili. He’s got the freakishly tough hide as Thorin!”

 

Kili dropped the phone. “I get a brother?! Oh my god this is the best day ever!!”

 

Kili clammered over the table knocking plates and glasses over to grab Frerin in a hug. Bilbo grabbed Kili’s phone setting it onto a timer. He propped it up and grabbed Fili, rounding the table. “Picture!! Picture!!”

 

Kili fell onto Thorin’s lap, right when the picture was taken, showing him halfway on the table. Frerin was in a headlock with Bilbo pinching on of his cheeks. The man had his other hand full of Thorin’s cheek while he tried to catch a falling Kili and Fili, Fili fit perfectly to the side with Kili’s stretched out hand grabbing his shirt and pulling him down almost head butting Frerin.

 

It was a picture that was so awkward and perfect that it had been printed out and framed finding it’s own little spot in photo albums and on top of desks.

 

\-------------------------

Seven Years Later

\-------------------------

 

Fili brushed his hands over his suit. He sucked in a deep breath while Frerin adjusted his tie.

 

“They’ll be here soon.” Frerin smoothed out Fili’s tie.

 

“Nervous?”

 

“I’m a basket case.” Frerin smiled.

 

“You don’t look it.” Fili reached up to fix a few long dark hairs that fell out of place. “How is it that you only get more handsome with each year?”

 

“Because I’m secretly a fairy that is immortal and grant eternal youth to the one that captures my heart.”

 

“Going to put that in your next book?” Fili asked as they left the bedroom.

 

“Maybe.”

 

They descended the stairs passing by family photos with Bilbo, Kili and Thorin. Silly camping trips, vacations to private islands, wedding photos, then, down by the base of the stairs were pictures of Kili and Thorin holding a little baby.

 

“Uuuugh, I’m going to puke.” Frerin put a hand to his stomach. Fili took hold of Frerin’s hand, his husband nervously spun the rose gold ring around Fili’s ring finger.

 

“It’ll be okay.”

 

“Will they knock? They shouldn’t have to knock.”

 

“Frerin, breathe.”

 

The doorbell chimmed. The two freezing in place. After the second chime the door creaked open a pair of brown eyes peeked in.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Kili!!” Fili held open his arms.

 

“Fili!!” He ran up to his best friend and threw himself into waiting arms.

 

“It’s been awhile.” Fili rubbed Kili’s back. “We’ve missed you.”

 

“Yes well, business is a pain. And don’t even get me going on finding another surrogate.”

 

“Frerin.” Thorin came in. The tall man had to crouch to lead in a little boy in by the hand, black curls on the top of his head with bright blue eyes. He was chewing on his fist. “Frodo, do you remember your uncle Frerin and uncle Fili?”

 

The toddler looked up before splitting a drooling smile.

 

“Yeah, he recognizes you.” Thorin crouched down to pick up his son. “How have you been, brother?”

 

“Good, we’ve been good. And- uh-”

 

“They’re here. Don’t worry. You look like you’re about to rattle yourself apart.” Thorin grinned.

 

Bilbo then came in, wheeling travel bags behind him. It were the two little heads that peeked around the corner that took Fili’s attention away from Kili. The dark hair on top of their heads as  unsure eyes tried to take in everything around them. Fili took Frerin’s hand, they squeezed hard reassuring each other as they approached.

 

“Hey.” Frerin said softly. He squatted down looking at the children. “You had a long trip with them from Ireland, didn’t you?”

 

One of the pair nodded.

 

Frerin already knew their names. They had spoken before several times, but this was a big change for the little boys and he had to break them in easily. He knew there would be cultural clashes to deal with, especially since they were 9 and 5. Those young years the person was a sponge and absorbed everything around them.

 

“Do you remember us?” Frerin asked. Last time he had been in Ireland he had spent months talking to them. He treated them kindly and encouraged them. They got to know each other as best as one could when stumbling upon foster children in a foreign country. Fili and Frerin had extended their stay just for those boys.

 

“Papa!” Bofur said loudly reaching out for Frerin.

 

“Dad!” Bifur grabbed at Fili.

 

“Seems like they remember.” Kili said.

 

Frerin scooped up little Bofur, hugging him close. Fili picked up Bifur lifting him up to settle on his shoulders. They didn’t care if Bifur and Bofur were not blood related to them, but they were theirs now. Durins. Fili and Frerin’s own kids and they would love and protect them fiercely. Because families were made, and they made one hell of a great family.

 

End

  
  



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